"Relax. Chill out."

It's been almost 5 years since my last blog post. I don't even know who reads this anymore. Frankly, something happened outside of the online world that made me question complaining on the Internet. It seemed so small compared to the life events that can actually punch you in the face.

I still think complaining on the Internet is worthless. So I'm going to try to reason on the Internet (probably worth less than worthless). I want to reason with you about the Michel Therrien - PK Subban issue.

If you're reading this it's because you clicked on a link I shared (maybe you stumbled upon it, but that's doubtful). If you're reading this, you probably already know the back story, but bare with me for a second while I lay it out, just in case it's 2025 and we're looking back trying to figure out what happened.

PK Subban, arguably Montreal's second best player (after Carey Price), is carrying the puck in an effort to generate offence. Grigorenko (bad guy Soviet, I think) knocks the puck off PK's stick. PK loses an edge and falls. Grigorenko skates up the ice in a 3 on 3 breakout. The Avalanche score the winning goal. That's abbreviated. I'll go into much more detail. You can see the play in question here.

Really, it's just tough luck for PK and the Canadiens. If PK doesn't fall, arguably the game goes to overtime and the Canadiens get at least a point in a must win game (to be honest, I don't think the Canadiens were in a must win game. There are no more must win games. It's over. It's been over for a while. Play the kids and let them develop and let's ensure a high draft pick). The play also lead to these quotes by Montreal Canadiens head coach, Michel Therrien:

1. "It’s too bad an individual mistake cost us the game late in the game.” 
2. “We believe that, as a coach, he [Subban] could have made a better decision at the blueline. He put himself in a tough position. We play as a team. When we don’t we could be in trouble and this is what happened.”

Now, a bit more back story. Michel Therrien, it is rumoured, never liked PK Subban. He made some comments prior to being coach of the Montreal Canadiens on a French language program called L'Antichambre many years ago that I can't find on the Google machine right now. 

More backstory, the Canadiens were supposed to be good this year. Really good. But Carey Price (best hockey player in the world) is hurt and the team is crapping the bed. 

Even more back story. Habs fans and Montreal media over-react. This is fact. Much like Leafs fans always think they'll win next year. And now, the Montreal media and fan base are going crazy. "Fire Therrien!" "Trade PK!" "Trade Pacioretty!" "Therrien and Bergevin are running PK out of town!" (my favourite). Which leads to the title. It was a quote by Carey Price a few years ago when the Habs lost a pre-season game. He said "Just relax. Chill out.".

Great advice, even for today. So with that all in mind, what does the 30-something (full disclosure, I'm no longer 30-something) Curmudgeon think of this? Let's break down the play:

1. Canadiens have the puck in the offensive zone with about 2 minutes left in a tied game. PK should have made a smart play. Had he passed the puck rather than tried to generate offense the game probably goes to overtime and the Canadiens win. He made a mistake. It's at least partially his fault.
2. Grigorenko made a great play to get the puck away from PK and create the breakout.
3. The breakout was a 3 on 3 and was poorly defended. As the Avs enter the Canadiens zone, each Av is covered - Duchene (who has the puck on zone entry) by Markov, Grigorenko by Pacioretty, and Iginla (the goal scorer) by De La Rose.
4. Pacioretty loses his man by watching the puck. The puck carrier is being defended. Patches screwed up. 
5. De La Rose sees the puck passed to an uncovered Grigorenko and leaves his man to defend the puck carrier. This leaves Iginla all alone in front of the net. De La Rose screwed up.
6. Scrivens over-commits to the puck carrier and can't get back in time to stop Iginla's shot. Bergevin screwed up thinking Scrivens can be Carey Price. I'm not blaming Scrivens. He did what Scrivens does.
7. Down 1 goal with 2 minutes left, Therrien benches Pacioretty and Subban (maybe De La Rose too?). His two best offensive players. Habs lose. Therrien screws up.
8. Therrien places blame on "individual play". Not naming Subban, but in the context of a question regarding Subban's play. Therrien screws up.

So that's a big list of screw ups. Subban, Patches, De La Rose, Therrien (twice). What does it all mean? It means the goal was PK's fault. If he makes the smart play, the breakout doesn't happen. It's also Pacioretty and De La Rose's fault. They left their men all alone. They forgot how to play defense. It's also Therrien's. You can't win with your best players on the bench.

So what else does it all mean? Nothing. The Canadiens are not going to make the playoffs. Even if they get those 2 points. They have a hill to climb. Here's all you really need to take away from this:

1. PK made a mistake. He'll make more. He'll score lots too. 
2. Therrien probably shouldn't have said what he said. But he's in the throes of a very tough season. His comments were correct. PK's play led to the goal. Other things happened too. Maybe he should have also pointed out the mistakes by Patches and De La Rose. Maybe. He didn't. I've said stupid things. A lot of stupid things. I'm sure you have too. You say things you don't mean. You say things you mean but shouldn't say. It happens. Especially in times of intense pressure and stress. 
3. Patches lost his assignment. Doesn't mean he's playing to be traded or hates PK.
4. De La Rose lost his assignment. He'll learn.

You want a new coach? You might get one. But not until the season's over. 

I'm no Michel Therrien apologist. I don't like him or his style. I think he stifles growth. I think he's stubborn. I think he relies on veterans too much. I think he doesn't let talent play the way they can. But I don't think he should be fired mid-season. You make those decisions after thinking clearly for a while. You wait to see who's available at year end.

And who is available? Who do you want? You know an anglophone coach probably won't work, unless it's Scotty Bowman. Guy Boucher? Guy Carbonneau? Someone from the Q?

In a perfect world, the best coach is available right now and accepted by the fans and media. The world is not perfect. So wait it out. See what happens. Make a decision with all available information when it's not an emotional decision.

PK's not going anywhere. Not unless there's an offer that can't be refused. But at $9M per season, not many teams can take him on.

Same as Patches. He'd be easier to trade for sure. But why? He's great, he's signed to a sweet deal. We'd be crazy to trade him.

So, everyone just relax. Chill out. Ride out the season. It sucks, but it'll be over soon and the bad taste will go away. I'm paraphrasing a character from The Walking Dead now "When you get a shit sandwich the best thing to do is bite, chew, swallow, repeat, until it's all over." We've got a shit sandwich for a season. Eat it. It'll be gone soon enough.

Post Script

I've ranted. I'm not sure the above is coherent. Let me know what you think. And yes, I like lists. 

The NHL Missed the Net

I've been trying to write about this in a logical yet passionate way since Tuesday evening but I can't. There is no logic and I can't remove my emotions. Yes, I'm talking about the hit that Zdeno Chara laid on Max Pacioretty in Tuesday night's Boston v. Montreal NHL game. I just can't find the words to say what I want. It's rare that I'm at such a loss for words.

In the meantime I've been digesting it all and chatting back and forth with the original curmudgeon (the OGC). The OGC suggested a post that sums it up quite nicely. I've been hoping for this for a while and now, here's the OGC:

NHL leadership stinks and the league is becoming a joke. Every time they have a chance to make a statement, they take a pass. This is the same league that hands out suspensions for vulgar gestures and flipping someone the bird. But when a guy is brutally injured, they turn a blind eye like it's nothing.

A caller to The Team 990 said it perfectly. How can players be held responsible for their sticks when they're falling on their butts and the stick flails, but not be held accountable for their elbows, shoulders and fists when in full control of their body? Only one word sums this up: bullshit.

Well put OGC. But he wasn't done. In response to this article on the Boston Herald website, in particular this line:

The true villain, though, is the architectural genius who placed that small, exposed stretch of boards, stanchions and glass right in the area between the benches and created a tremendously dangerous hazard.

The OGC had this reply:

Is that a little like blaming a rape victim because of the low cut dress she was wearing? In your world, Mr. Harris, I guess the aggressor is never at fault.

Customer Dissatisfaction

There's a music shop in Ottawa that I've always despised. The first reason was its location (it's on Rideau street and hard to get to). The second reason is the service. When I first started to visit the guys wouldn't even look at me. They'd pander to the regulars and professional musicians. Fair enough. But then I got older and had some money to burn. As soon as I had money to burn they were helpful, until I had to take said thing back.

Case #1 - The Tele

I didn't return my Telecaster. I never would. But when I bought it I was told to take it in sometime in the first six months for a full tune up as the intonation and other shit I didn't know shit about would need to be adjusted. Fair enough.

So I learned about intonation and shit and one day noticed the strings rattled and didn't before. So I took it in for the free tune up. They told me it would be ready in two days and I said, "I'm out of town until next Saturday, so I'll just pick it up then." Next Saturday being a week away.

Next Saturday arrives and I show up at the store. "Sorry sir, your guitar isn't ready." OK, I'm somewhat upset, but shit happens.

"Can I have it for Thursday? That's the next jam."

"Sure."

Thursday arrives. I call at noon to make sure I can pick it up at 6. "Is she ready?"

"No, but we'll have it ready by six."

I arrive at six and they can't find it. They scurry and scrounge and I look behind the counter and say, "that's it, did you fix it?"

"Yep, sure did."

"Can I try it?" I ask, recalling the 6th string rattle.

"Sure."

"It wasn't fixed." I say.

"Hey (insert name here), did you fix the black Tele?" the guy yells to the back.

No is the response from the distance. So they fix it there while I wait, which begs the question, couldn't they have done that the first time I was there?

Case #2 - The Recorder (no, not that kind of recorder)

We record some songs we play. We have this dual input thing that plugs into a Mac (half the problem) via USB. This means that we have to play the song 3 times to get all tracks recorded. Which is fine, I think professionals even do this, but it's time consuming.

A couple of days after the holidays I'm surfing this store's website, partly because I'm a sucker for punishment, but mainly because a cute girl said she wanted a guitar. Anyway, I see this recording device similar to ours except it has 8 inputs. 8! Perfect! I call the store and they have one in stock. I ask them to hold it and they do.

Saturday arrives and I head down to the store. My machine is waiting, but I'm nervous, it's so inexpensive, like beer at a Legion. "Are you sure this will work?" I ask, "And if not, can I take it back?"

"Yes" he says.

So I cancel drinking plans with football buddies. Wait, I move my drinking plans from my football buddies to my band buddies and head to the jam space to figure it out. We can't. But we're not worried, we're smart guys, we'll figure it out.

Fast forward to next week and after finally reading the instructions, it works. Woohoo, let's go grab a drink.

Fast forward to next jam night and we can't get it to work. Fast forward to next jam night and we still can't get it to work. We then test it out direct to amplifiers and it doesn't work. So I check the receipt, it's within 30 days and I take it back.

I talk to a guy at the counter and tell him my problem and he says, "we don't have another one in stock."

"That's fine," I say, "I didn't want another one anyway, I just want my money back."

"We don't give money back." he says.

"What? Why? It's within 30 days." I say.

"Well, that'd be just like renting. Nobody gives money back like that."

"Are you serious?" I say, "Everybody gives money back."

"...."

"Everybody."

"Well, I guess we don't, but you can have store credit."

"Fine, I'm missing Lucky Ron. Gimme the credit."

So now I have store credit at a store I don't want to visit. It's about $250, exactly the price I'd pay to fill that thing full of shotgun pellets.

Failure to Launch

A giant Ipod touch with a data plan or a giant Iphone with no phone. That's what Apple unveiled as their tablet, the Ipad. Ignoring the obvious, and already trying too hard jokes, about the name, Apple underwhelmed me and others today.

Gizmodo has a great post about the disappointments with the Ipad's capabilities. My buddy G had a great blog post about Apple potentially missing the boat (and they did) with the Ipad's functionality. It appears to me that Apple is happy producing an entertainment device. I won't go into detail as you can read Gizmodo's post or G's post for the details. But what gets me is Apple's apparent ignorance (hubris perhaps) to what it needs to fix with respect to its handheld system; multitasking.

You can say what you will about a physical vs touch keyboard or a typical OS file structure, I don't see either as an issue with respect to the Iphone or Ipad. You can get used to the touch keyboard and I actually prefer the lack of a visible folder structure (you don't see folders, you just access the files needed through an app's gui). But the lack of multitasking is beyond me, especially with the Ipad.

I assume that Apple's main competition here are net books; small, media focused laptops. You can multitask on net books, search the net while playing a game or writing an email. If you've paid attention you've heard the lack of multitasking gripe from Apple devotees and Apple haters alike. Yet Apple has seemingly ignored the issue. This is a functionality that should be commonplace on any computing device, even smart phones (as I type this on my Blackberry I switch with ease without saving or closing my memo application to check email, scores, twitter and other applications that are running concurrently).

It reminds me of an issue with Itunes. I've heard many Apple devotees state the reason the Ipod is king of the MP3 players is the ease of use and functionality of Itunes. I disagree. While Itunes is not difficult to use, it's not the simplest media management tool and lacks an important feature that other media management software have; the ability to monitor folders and automatically add new files to its library. The idea seems so simple and mandatory, yet it is nonexistent in Itunes.

Apple is a great manufacturer of entertainment devices, I love my Ipod and would rather have an Iphone than my Blackberry, but they could be better and if they didn't have the hip cachet they wouldn't be doing as well as they are. There are better MP3 players, better smartphones, better software, and better computing devices available for better prices. At some point they'll be forced to pay attention and give us what we need.

Also, check out G's new post at the Luddite Times. He properly spells Apple's iLine of products and is an Apple devotee who isn't sold.

It's About Time

Dick Jauron was fired as head coach of the Buffalo "We'll be in Toronto Soon and the Curmudgeon Will Not Have a Favourite Team" Bills. Jauron's record as head coach of the Bills was 24 wins and 33 losses.

If you don't know who Jauron is, he's the coach who stands motionless and emotionless on the sidelines while your team gets an easy win. That is unless your team is St. Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, Tampa Bay, or another bottom feeder. He's also the guy that looks like a shorter, skinnier version of Lurch. Basically like he's already been embalmed (come to think of it, he and Ralph Wilson have a lot in common).

What amazes me most about the story is that Jauron didn't see the firing coming. Four years to improve a football team and 4 years without passing 7 wins out of a 16 game season. Four years without improving an offense even after adding one of the best wide receivers of this era. Maybe that explains why he couldn't see blitzes coming in obvious passing situations; he just can't see anything.

I'd be happy about this move if it meant better things for the Bills in the future, but I doubt it. The Bills do not have a good record for hiring coaches in the post 90s era. Here are the Bills' coaches post Marv Levyand their records:

• Wade Phillips 29 wins 19 losses. Decent coaching record , but screwed up majorly by starting Rob Johnson at QB instead of Doug Flutie in the playoffs essentially costing him his job.
• Gregg Williams 17 wins 30 losses. Better defensive co-ordinator than head coach (see Redskins, Washington and Saints, New Orleans). Inexperienced when hired.
• Mike Mularkey 14 wins 18 losses. Mularkey or malarkey? Tight end coach now? Who knows and who cares?

Octogenarian Ralph Wilson had better take some time to hire a new coach and better spend some cash. There are some big names out there like Mike Shanahan, Jon Gruden, Bill Cowher, Mike Holmgren, Tony Dungy. Sure, some of them may not want to coach, but maybe we can have them be a football operations guy like Parcells in Miami. But that won't happen. They'll hire some second rate coach and continue their abysmal stretch until the eventual move to Toronto where they'll win a SuperBowl as the Toronto something or others and I'll hate it.

You Were Expecting Gretzky?

I've heard it said that the definition of crazy is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results. So does that make Bryan Murray stark raving mad? Didn't he know what he was getting when he signed Alex "the artist" "AK-27" Kovalev?

I've watched Kovy for the past 5 years in a Habs uniform only to be frustrated, then dazzled, then further frustrated, then happy he was gone. Sure, he can be a game changer but more of than not he's lazy and uninterested.

Kovalev has four goals and four assists in 16 games, which puts him on pace for 41 points this season. That will change, he'll score a bunch for a week, then cool off again and likely end up somewhere near 50 points. You'd be crazy if you expected anything more.

Defending the HST

So a lot of people out there are telling you that the Ontario and BC governments are raising your taxes. How you ask? The HST they tell you. Your (un)friendly neighbourhood curmudgeon is here to tell you otherwise. The HST will save businesses money. The HST will increase investment in Ontario and BC. The HST should drive consumer prices down overall.

First, a bit of a history lesson. The Ontario and BC governments announced plans to harmonize their provincial sales taxes with the federal goods and services tax to create a combined tax; the harmonized sales tax (HST). Everyone panicked and got all up in arms thinking the price of goods and services in Ontario and BC will go up. These people are ignoring the fact that harmonization already happened in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and Labrador, and Quebec. And the overall consumer prices in those provinces are no worse off than they were before. A study by Michael Smart for the CD Howe Institute suggests otherwise; consumer prices fell. But most people west of Quebec fail to recognize there is anything east of Ottawa and began to create anxiety with wild stories of tax hikes and Armageddon.

The truth is the HST is going to be good for all of you. First, the cost of doing business in Ontario and British Columbia is going way down. Business owners currently pay 8% PST in Ontario and 7% PST in BC on items consumed in operating their business; generally anything that is not directly resold or further processed or manufactured. That 8% and 7% is not currently recoverable. Post harmonization, the PST going away and is being replaced, for the most part, by the fully recoverable HST. Most businesses will pay a combined 13% or 12% and will be entitled to an equal and offsetting credit. That means there will no longer be any unrecoverable sales taxes payable by businesses. So, businesses save money.

The tax savings realized by business will lead to more investment. With more money in hand, businesses will be able to invest more in new technology and new people. We will all benefit. It's the trickle down effect, the money businesses save and invest lead to more money for other businesses and that trickles down to me and you (hopefully more to me).

It is true that consumers will initially pay more direct sales tax than we currently do as things like houses and services are subject to tax at 13% in Ontario or 12% in BC rather than the current 5% GST rate. However, those houses and services have an indirect tax component (the 8% PST in Ontario and the 7% in BC) that we currently don't see, so the true tax increase is probably more like 2% (based on a study performed a long time ago in NFLD that I cannot share with you). That indirect tax is removed and, provided vendors pass those savings along, the true impact won't be that bad.

Now there are problems, of course, like charities, colleges, universities, hospitals, etc. will pay more taxes and they generally don't recover the HST they pay in the same way as ordinary businesses. I've studied the impact on a few of these organizations and found that, due to a gracious HST rebate mechanism, they will in fact be better off. This may not be true for all, granted, but I assume that the Province will provide additional funding for those organizations that it is required to fund.

I haven't gone into hardly any detail here (BTW, this is my area of expertise), but I hope to make two points to all of you. 1) it's all going to be OK, in fact, it will probably be better after the first few years; and 2) if you run a business, pass those Ontario PST savings along. This is crucial to all of us.

One final point on whether or not the HST is a tax hike. Ontario and BC are losing their PSTs; the HST is a federal tax. While there is a complicated formula that creates a transfer payment from Canada to Ontario and BC, the truth is, harmonization will result in Ontario and BC collecting less tax, even with the transfer payment. This is not a tax hike folks, it is a reduction in overall taxes collected. Look it up, it's in the Ontario budget papers. The reason to harmonize it is to increase investment in the provinces and make the provinces more competitive in the global marketplace.

Now, sit back and relax. It's going to be OK. The world didn't end in the Atlantic Provinces and Quebec and it's not going to end in Ontario and BC.

Stomach Punch from Captain America

I didn't expect much of the Buffalo Bills this season until midway through last night's game against the hated Captain America and the New England Patriots. The Bills were ahead 14-10 after an interception by Aaron Schoebel. I began to think that win or lose this could be a decent season for the Bills. I also began to think the football Gods would not allow the Pats to win after arrogantly going for it on 4th and 1 at mid field then in Buffalo territory in the first half when conventional wisdom is to punt or take the 3 points.

Fast forward to 5:23 minutes left in the game after the Bills scored again to put them up 24-13 my pal Dino says "there's a scary amount of time left for Brady". It was the one thing I was thinking but didn't want to hear. People remember Buffalo's implosion last year and their previous poor seasons. What they don't remember is they tend to get ahead early then find a way to lose the game. So, knowing Buffalo's history and Captain America's mythical "win the game in dramatic fashion" history, I was sort of ready, or so I thought. I prepared as much as I could for the defeat but when it's Tom f'n Brady and the Pats it hurts no matter how prepared you are.

So the inevitable begins. Captain America leads his team on an 11 play drive to score a touchdown. The Pats go for 2 points, but the pass is intercepted. Maybe, just maybe, the football Gods are mad at the Pats. Then the Pats kick the ball off. Leodis McKelvin catches the ball in the endzone and rather than take a knee, he runs up the middle of the field and proceeds to fumble the ball at the Buffalo 31 yard line. The football Gods wanted you to take the knee, start at the 20 yard line and eat the clock. How freaking hard is that? So the Pats have great field position and the comeback continues.

The Pats went on to win 25-24. Now I like to think I'm ready for the season. A season probably better than most expect but a season with tough losses that the Bills should have hung on to win. I feel like a pugilist using a medicine ball on my gut to toughen it up for stomach punch after stomach punch. I'm ready. Then I remember a Mike Tyson quote. "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face".

Ottawa Does it Again

Since I moved into my new apartment in June of 2008, summer's have been a mess. The city of Ottawa has been renovating Bank Street, tearing out the old street, fixing whatever is wrong underneath and then repaving. It's created a mess of dust and a foul stench during the hot days of summer.

This summer the city added a new wrinkle. You can no longer access Bank street from Lewis because Lewis is a one way street. To allow those folks who can only leave their houses from Lewis to legally drive to the next intersection the city temporarily made Lewis a two way street. It's a bit of an annoyance since the street is not built for two way traffic, but there isn't really a ton of traffic on the street and I walk or bike most places anyhow.

Today I read this article in the Ottawa Citizen. The city is fining people who park on Lewis facing west, which is the ordinary direction traffic flows when the street is a one way street. People are steaming and I don't blame them.

I'm going to sound like I'm mimicking the article's author, but that's because I fully agree with Hugh. Because of the reconstruction project Bank street businesses are hurting. If you fine people who decide to deal with the annoyance of walking down a dirt sidewalk to shop at the Herb and Spice store or grab a pint at the James Street Pub for facing the wrong direction in a parking spot, a wrong direction that is ordinarily the right direction, you are going to make people think twice about heading to Bank street. It's already a mess and a pain in the ass to navigate around. Adding a $35 fine is just the cherry on top.

I've had issues with Ottawa parking police in the past. I've fought every ticket and won each fight. I think it's because they are generally over-agressive. But this story just takes the cake.

Great job Ottawa. Way to help out the Bank street businesses.

Whatever Happened to Customer Service?

I've spent the past week plus trying to get my wireless smart phone up and running. Most of the trouble I've had can be traced to my service provider. I won't name them, but they provide me with my cable, Internet and wireless service. The astute among you will be able to figure it out.

The story begins on July 25, 2008, the day my cell phone stopped working. I had a Motorola Razor and I was quite happy with it. But all of a sudden, the screen stopped working. It just stayed black. While I could still use the phone to call people, I had no idea how to call people since most of my contact list is not committed to memory. So I had to replace the phone.

This all happened at the time when the IPhone was released so I thought I'd try my hand at one of those spiffy devices. My friend had one and I liked it a lot. I was due for an upgrade through my service provider and asked about the potential of getting the IPhone and the right to pay my service provider an extra $30 per month for a data plan.

"You're on the corporate plan." says the service rep.

"Oh yea," I say, "well I don't work for that employer any more, but whatever."

"Well," says the rep "because you are on the corporate plan you can't get the IPhone for the stated price. You have to pay $699."

"Then take me off the corporate plan." I say.

"Well, then it's like you are starting a new plan and aren't eligible for an upgrade and you'd still have to pay $699." says the rep.

"What?" I ask. "You mean that some homeless guy off the street can get the IPhone for $199 or whatever and I can't?"

"Um, yea."

At this point I'm getting frustrated. "What is the benefit of the corporate plan?" I ask.

"You get a better voice plan." says the rep.

I settle for another Razor. It had treated me well and I wasn't in the mood to fight with some guy that had little power or desire to help me anyhow. The phone cost me $20 and a 3 year commitment. Fast forward 1 year plus 1 week or so later and my Razor dies again. Same problem.

"I'm going to the service provider today and they are giving me a free phone and they are not making me sign an extended contract." I proudly proclaimed to my colleague. So I traipse down to my service providers' nearest location and ask for a free phone. Of course I get a lot of resistance, even though I've been a customer for 10 years and pay them more than $200 a month. After much back and forth I learn that they can do nothing for me unless I sign up for another 3 year plan. I can get a free phone if I want.

"But the phone is only a year old." I complain.

"Yea, but the warranty expired last week." is the response. At this point that I'm upset, but I can see there is no sense in arguing with this guy. Again, he has no power and he doesn't care. He's more interested in the girls walking down the street that he can see through the window. So, I settle for a free phone with the shortest contract commitment possible (which also happened to be the longest; 3 years).

I had the phone about 18 hours when I decided it was not the phone for me. I don't have a land line and since I use it all the time, I figured I should like my phone a lot. I convinced myself it was time to upgrade to a smart phone. So I go back to the service provider to see if the IPhone deals are any better for me since they have a $99 price point now. I knew I would get the same story, because I'm still on the corporate plan, but didn't see any harm in trying. So, I ask if I get can the IPhone for $99.

"Of course." replies the rep. "You should too. You'll love it." So he starts the process of setting me up on the IPhone. He's going through the system, typing away and asking me questions. I'm starting to think this is going to work. All of a sudden he makes a funny sound like he's not sure what's going on.

"Oh" he says, "you're on the corporate plan." He then explains that the cost 0f the IPhone for me is now $400 (a nice drop from $699). I ask about the Blackberry and they are roughly the same price. Essentially, I have to pay $300 more for an IPhone or $100 more for a Blackberry than somebody they have no history with. I even say this and he doesn't seem to care too much.

I ask again, "what is the benefit of being on this corporate plan?"

"Well, you own the phone." was the response this time. Now I've been a client of this service provider for some time and so is half of Ontario (or more). Everyone that buys a phone and signs up for a contract owns the phone. I explain this and the guy just looks at me like I explained the Pythagorean theorem to him in Mandarin.

"OK, get me off the corporate plan!" I demand.

"Sure." he says. He goes through the motions of taking me off the plan but stops.

"Um, you know the price of the phones won't change for you because we don't have any history of you.". I had heard this the previous year.

"OK, then cancel my plan altogether, I'm going somewhere else." I say thinking I'll trick them into bending over for me and pleasing the customer.

"Sure." he says, "but you'll have to pay us $20 for every month you committed too and didn't honour, about $460."

I'm losing my will to fight at this point.

"Fine." I say, "Keep me on the corporate plan and get me a Blackberry."

I decided to bend over, drop my pants and pay the extra $100 for the Blackberry. I chose the Blackberry because my employer does not support the IPhone and I wouldn't be able to receive work related messages. In retrospect this doesn't seem like the most logical decision making process. Do I really want work related e-mail messages?

"We don't have the model you want in stock today." he says. "But it will be here tomorrow. We'll set you up on a loaner phone and get you into the Blackberry tomorrow night."

I go to my IT department to make sure the model I'm getting is kosher with the network and all that jazz. They tell me I need to make sure I'm on the enterprise data plan and not the Internet data plan. I ask if they will know what I'm referring to and they assure me this happens all the time and my service provider should be well aware of the enterprise data plan.

So I go back to the service provider's location and I tell the rep that I need to be on an enterprise data plan, not the ordinary Internet data plan. I get the same blank look as the night before (remember, Pythagorean + Mandarin = dumb).

"There are two types of plans." I explain. "My employer only supports one. So if I want to get my work e-mail, I need the enterprise plan."

"All of our plans support enterprise." is the response. In fact, the rep went on to say "We're not (insert name of competition here)." He was being very indignant about the competition and bragging about his employer. He could tell I wasn't buying it and apologized. So he signs me up for a data plan.

I go to work the next day and install the necessary software and passwords so I can get my work e-mail linked with the Blackberry but it doesn't work. "You have the Internet data plan." my IT colleague tells me.

"Of course I do." I say. At this point I'm not surprised at all. I call the service provider to have the plan changed. I was on a 750MB a month plan, with no charge for overages for the first two months and an option to upgrade to 6GB per month for $30.

"You can't have the plan you initially purchased on the enterprise package." the service provider tells me. "Your choices are 7MB per month for $40 or 1GB per month for $45." "Also, you need to change your voice plan and addons like voicemail and texting." Essentially, my wireless bill is going up by $50 instead of the estimated $30 because of this corporate plan.

"OK, fine." I say. I'm getting used to being screwed over by now. "But wait, you mean 700MB per month right?"

"No, it is 7MB or 1GB for an extra $5." she says, which leaves me wondering who would get a 7MB data plan.

"OK, gimme the 1GB. And by the way, what is the benefit of this corporate plan again?"

"I don't know." This was the first honest answer I've had from any representative of the service provider.

My phone is working now, but I feel like Jody Foster in The Accused and I'm left with the following questions:

1. When did big companies stop caring about their customers? I have been a customer of theirs for 10 years and spend over $200 a month and they couldn't give me one damn free phone. I'd have settled for any piece of crap that dials and rings when its called (at first anyway).
   
2. Why don't the service reps know what they are talking about? They thought I could get an IPhone at a normal price and couldn't. They didn't know about the enterprise vs Internet data plan issue even after I told them about it.
3. Why do they offer these special plans that just cost you more money? I save $10 a month on a voice plan but have to pay $15 a month more for data, plus more for texting and voicemail, and $100 more for hardware. Hardly seems like a deal to me.

I've spoken to many friends and colleagues who are having the same issues their service providers. Even the service providers with different names have the same lack of service. Until Canada gets a real competitive market in telecommunications everyone better stock up on KY jelly.

Sometimes I Hate Grand Lake

Ok, the title isn't entirely true. I love Grand Lake, always. But when I was there last on vacation I saw many things that really grind my gears (technically many things, but one general thing in many forms).

If you've read my blog before you know that I like to think I'm environmentally friendly. Grand Lake is one of those places that make you want to be environmentally friendly. You have a huge beautiful lake, a picturesque back lake, plenty of forest, and even a family of osprey. My girlfriend even saw a deer during one of her bike rides.

I brought my bike with me to Grand Lake to 1) burn off Nana's cookies, cakes and pies and 2) to take in the sights. However I was just a few feet past the camps (their camps in NB, not cottages) and getting into the less populated area of the ride when I saw the first thing that upset me; a Tim Horton's cup. "It's alright", I think. It's just one litterer, or maybe a careless truck driver who's garbage flew out of the truck bed. Then, not even one full pedal of the bike later I see an empty box of Alpine, then a can of Alpine, then a pillow (a pillow!?!), then another Tim Horton's cup. It went on and on and on. The side of the road is littered with litter. It was like watching that episode of Mad Men when they just threw their garbage anywhere while on picnic.

Come on people of Grand Lake. It isn't that hard to find a garbage can. There's one just a few kilometres away in Douglas Harbour. You're ruining what is a beautiful part of the province. In fact, prior to re-branding NB's slogan to "Be...in this place" NB used to be the "Picture Province".

It's no surprise that given this lack of eco-friendliness that the area of the lake that was public (actually privately owned, but generously available for public use) is no longer. The owner decided that they didn't want to put up with the filth that people leave behind (even diapers). It's also no surprise that people ignore the no trespassing signs and continue to use the beach and litter. I implore you NBers and Grand Lakers, stop littering. You're really messing up my bike ride and picture taking. Maybe you think that you alone can't stop garbage from piling up. Well if everyone thought that way we'd end up with a big garbage island somewhere in the Pacific twice the size of Texas. Wait, what? We have one?

Don't You Know Who I Am?

A few months ago a colleague of mine told me two disparate stories of encounters with athletes. The first story involved a couple on vacation at a resort and a wonderful encounter with a super bowl winner. The second involved a couple at a bar in Chicago and an encounter with a dickhead hockey player.

The couple at the resort met a large, long haired man who was nothing but kind. They shared a table, dinner and drinks. The large man and his wife left before the couple. When the couple went to pay for their dinner they found that the large man had paid for them. They asked the server who the man was and the response was Troy Polamalu. They had no idea who he was but had nothing but nice things to say about him.

The next story is of a couple at a bar in Chicago. A young kid is at the bar and asks the couple if they want their picture taken with him. They had no idea who he was and said no. He says "don't you know who I am?" to them. They still say no. He pulls out his blackberry and googles "Patrick Kane". He proceeds to show them a picture of himself and asks "Do you want your picture taken with me now?". No remained the response.

When I first heard these stories I wasn't sure if I should believe them. I believe that Troy Polamalu is an unassuming man and kind (all the interviews I've seen and read support this view). I also believe that certain sports celebrities can be dickheads, so I didn't totally dismiss the Patrick Kane story. But to go as far as taking out your blackberry and googling yourself seemed a bit of a stretch. Then I read this story and I believed every word of the story I heard from my colleague. He even said "Don't you know who I am" to the cabbie!

I've always had a love/hate relationship with sports. I love sports but I generally hate athletes. I hate athletes because I'm not good at sports. But I also hate that they are placed on a pedestal and looked up to from the day they start winning games in high school. They are coddled and given special treatment all of their lives. That's why you get people like Patrick Kane, Donte Stalworth, Kobe Bryant, OJ, Heatley, and others acting the way they do and generally getting away with it. They think they are special because we treat them special. They think they can get away with things because we let them get away with things.

Unfortunately what this does is paint athletes like Troy Polamalu with the same brush as athletes who take what they have for granted. I knew some nice jocks in High School and university. But they were the exception rather than the rule. Most of them were (and likely still are) dickheads like Patrick Kane.

Money Can't Buy Happiness But It Can Beat a Murder Charge

I've always thought that people who say money can't buy happiness never had any money. Sure, it doesn't guarantee that you'll be happy, but it helps you buy bthings that go a long way to helping you be happy. It can also help to get you out of trouble.

Just last week, Donte Stallworth was found guilty of killing a pedestrian while driving drunk in Florida. Murder in my books, but the state of Florida allowed him to plea down to a charge of manslaughter. Donte (he doesn’t deserve the word Mr.) was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years probation. Yes, 30 days in jail.

30.

Days.

One month for taking a life while driving drunk. Do you think if you were found guilty of taking someone’s life while intoxicated that you would only get 30 days in jail? I doubt you would because you don’t have the kind of money or celebrity status that Donte does.

I’m sure Donte didn’t just throw money at the court to make this all go away, but he did throw a lot of money at a defense team and who knows, maybe he threw a lot of money at the victim's family since they factored into Donte's settlement.

The fact that he was even driving drunk in the first place is beyond me. Just that day, Donte received a $4.5 million roster bonus from the Cleveland Browns. If I had $4.5 million I can assure you I wouldn't be driving my own ass around town, especially if I were out celebrating getting a fat pay cheque. I'd hire the biggest, toughest looking personal driver/bouncer around Florida to get me where I want to go and protect me from myself and drunk fans that like to pick fights with athletes.

Donte's not the first rich guy to get away with murder or other heinous crimes, the following is a list, just off the top of my head:

• OJ


• Michael Jackson


• Ray Lewis


• Ted Kennedy


• William Shatner (look it up. Ok, it's a conspiracy, but I had to do it)

I'm sure I'm missing some easy ones, but I'm lazy right now. That doesn't even include the rich folks that we don't know about, CEOs, Princes, diplomats, etc. This seems to be a recurring issue with people with cash. They can pretty much do whatever they want because they can buy their way out of it.

This all reminds me of an episode of South Park where the kids went to visit Magic Johnson. They found that he slept with his bed full of money. Scientists studied this and discovered that money can cure aids, a $180,000 injection of cash could keep the virus at bay. While this is obviously satire, it's not far from the truth. Money can't buy you happiness, but it cure a lot of problems.

Surprise! Favre Considers Coming Out of Retirement

Wow, didn't see that coming (hey, what font do you use for sarcasm?). In an interview with Joe Buck, Brett Favre says he's considering playing again. According to TSN (I think they stole it from Joe) he's had talks with the Minnesota Vikings and he will know in several weeks whether his surgically repaired arm will allow him to come out of retirement.

I have a few quick thoughts on this:

1. Did this guy even re-retire? I remember the Jets blowing the season. I remember the Jets cutting him. I don't remember a tear stained Brett Favre on a podium talking about how he'll remember all the fond memories (all 16 weeks) of being a Jet. I don't remember Sal Palantonio saying that Brett should be inducted into the Football Hall of Fame as a Jet.
2. Even if he did re-retire, as the great Jack Russell once sang "my, my, my I'm once bitten twice shy" Brett. I'll believe you are retired when we get through more than one full season with you riding your tractor in your tight little shorts, no shirt and red hat with JP Losman staring on longingly (check out these quotes, scroll about three quarters of the page, JP Losman actually said that. I'm glad he's no longer a Bill).
3. Is there a way to repair an arm other than surgically? I suppose an orthopedic cast repairs an arm. Is that surgery? If it isn't, I wouldn't tell they guy applying the cast. You never know what he'd do.

So Brett, just go away, or sign with the Vikings. It really doesn't matter. I realize that you want to play football and that's great. And I'm glad you let Joe Buck and Joe Public know your intentions. But I really want all this to go away. It's summer and I want to fall asleep listening to baseball highlights.

The Heat is Off

Dany Heatley has requested a trade from the Ottawa Senators. TSN is reporting that they have confirmed that Heatley informed the Sens that he wishes to play elsewhere. The reason stated is Heatley's concern regarding the apparent limiting of his ice time and, according to Darren Dreger, a conflict with head coach Cory Clouston.

The Sens traded for Heatley in 2005 after he requested a trade from the Atlanta Thrashers. At the time, Heatley felt there were too many reminders of the tragic event that took teammate Dan Snyder's life. Heatley was welcomed to Ottawa with open arms (with the exception of yours truly), had 2 great seasons with the Sens and was rewarded with a $7.5 million per year, 6 year contract. After a coaching change and his belief that his ice time is limited (Heatley averaged 4th in ice time behind Kuba, Phillips, and Alfredsson), he wants to be moved again.

Go ahead, move the guy. A head coach comes in with a system that produces better results than the last two coaches (based on winning percentage) and turns the team around. Heatley sees his ice time dwindle as a result of the system and starts whining about his ice time. He sounds pretty selfish to me, not the kind of team player you need to win. And who needs a player who skates around with his stick in the air half the time waiting for a pass?

This is probably a good thing for the Sens. They should be able to get a good return for Heatley and the rumours about Spezza being traded should go away. Knowing my luck, Gainey will sell the farm for Heatley.

Who Resuscitated the Electric Car? (or Back to the Future)

In my last post I made a joke about how I'd rather see the GM bailout money spent; for the invention of technologies seen in Back to the Future Part II. Now GM appears to be reaching into the past to shape it's future with the production of an electric car for the masses, the Chevy Volt.

Kudos to GM for trying to position themselves as the greenest automaker around and investing in new technologies, but they've tried this before and they pulled the plug. In 1996, GM introduced the EV1, the first modern electric car from a major automaker. EV1s were only available in California and Arizona under leases as an engineering and marketing evaluation. The EV1 was discontinued in 1999 and all models were removed from the road by 2003. The reasons for the discontinuation are the subject of the great film Who Killed the Electric Car. In The film sets out numerous conspiracies about why GM discontinued the vehicle.

I'm not going to get into the conspiracies here. It's been done before (and better than I could). My guess is that GM discontinued the vehicle for the same reason that corporations do most anything, profitability. Instead, my issue is why we should believe GM will follow through in the first place.

GM has been down this road before. Had they stuck with the EV1 in 1996 we might have an electric car as a real alternative today. Their electric car line may even be profitable. GM Chairman and CEO Rick Wagoner even admits the worst decision of his tenure at GM was "axing the EV1 electric-car program and not putting the right resources into hybrids. It didn’t affect profitability, but it did affect image."

So what about the Volt? What if the Volt is not profitable? Will GM give up on the technology again? What about governments (US, Canadian, Ontario)? Given their newly acquired stake in GM, how will they react if the Volt is not turning a profit? How should they react? Should they ensure that their investment is profitable? Should they be green friendly and insist that GM continue with the technology?

There are so many questions regarding the future of GM and the electric car. Historians will tell you that looking to the past can help you to predict the future. Take a look back and tell me if you think the future of the Volt looks promising? While I'm glad that GM is investing in new (ahem) technologies, I'm not optimistic given their track record.

(Note, all plug, road, track, and other puns were not intentional, well except the plug pun.)