Poltergeist was one of my favourite horror movies as a kid. You had an ancient burial ground, creepy blond kid, creepier old woman performing a séance, and a little girl being abducted by a TV; what’s not to love? In retrospect, it also had Coach. Seriously. What’s not to love?
Problem is now I’m beginning to think I live with a poltergeist (or I have extremely bad luck and a lack of rest). It started with what the Irish call “the old hag”. You can look it up for yourself and correct me in the comments, but the gist of it is as follows: you are in a state of half wakefulness and half sleep, the brain being awake and the body asleep. You are aware of what is going on around you but you can’t move, you are paralyzed. This manifests itself as something holding you down. I now know this is just a common, natural occurrence. But in June of 2008, in a new apartment, I didn’t really know. So, it’s not really a poltergeist, just a lack of sleep. Or is it?
Occasionally, when I slept at night, I would wake up to the sound of a thud. I’d search the apartment and find the light cover in the entryway on the floor, unbroken. I’d simply reinstall it and it would fall off again a few days later. I had it replaced and it hasn’t fallen since. So no poltergeist. Or is there?
My door would fly open on its own on windy nights. You could push it open if it wasn’t locked, so a bad lock I suppose. Or is it?
Fast forward to October of 2009. I break my ankle. This has nothing to do with the poltergeist (or does it). I just happened to live in the apartment when it happened. Is that coincidental?
Skip ever so slightly to November of 2009. I’m trying to do laundry with a broken leg and crutches because the night before, when I initially planned on trying to do laundry, the upstairs neighbour was doing her laundry – ALL 6 LOADS. This ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, but she remarked to me the next day that she saw my trying to do laundry and apologized for taking up the washer and dryer so long. To summarize, she saw me, hobbling on crutches, with a backpack full of laundry, trying to get in and out of the laundry room multiple times and continued to do 6 loads of laundry without even stopping by my apartment (which she does for more dubious reasons and she has to pass to get to and from the laundry room) to say “hey, I see you struggling with your laundry. I’ve got a ton to do so I just wanted to let you know so you don’t have to go back and forth 6 times tonight”. No she didn’t think to say that. Rather, the next day she says “Yea, Isaw you trying to do laundry last night.”
Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, the poltergeist. I’m doing laundry the next night, which is done down the driveway to the back of the house, and after starting the laundry a car hits my house (perfectly summarized, along with the broken ankle, here). So, again, you can’t really blame a poltergeist for this. Or can you? The guy lost his cat. Cats are evil. See the connection?
Problem is now I’m beginning to think I live with a poltergeist (or I have extremely bad luck and a lack of rest). It started with what the Irish call “the old hag”. You can look it up for yourself and correct me in the comments, but the gist of it is as follows: you are in a state of half wakefulness and half sleep, the brain being awake and the body asleep. You are aware of what is going on around you but you can’t move, you are paralyzed. This manifests itself as something holding you down. I now know this is just a common, natural occurrence. But in June of 2008, in a new apartment, I didn’t really know. So, it’s not really a poltergeist, just a lack of sleep. Or is it?
Occasionally, when I slept at night, I would wake up to the sound of a thud. I’d search the apartment and find the light cover in the entryway on the floor, unbroken. I’d simply reinstall it and it would fall off again a few days later. I had it replaced and it hasn’t fallen since. So no poltergeist. Or is there?
My door would fly open on its own on windy nights. You could push it open if it wasn’t locked, so a bad lock I suppose. Or is it?
Fast forward to October of 2009. I break my ankle. This has nothing to do with the poltergeist (or does it). I just happened to live in the apartment when it happened. Is that coincidental?
Skip ever so slightly to November of 2009. I’m trying to do laundry with a broken leg and crutches because the night before, when I initially planned on trying to do laundry, the upstairs neighbour was doing her laundry – ALL 6 LOADS. This ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, but she remarked to me the next day that she saw my trying to do laundry and apologized for taking up the washer and dryer so long. To summarize, she saw me, hobbling on crutches, with a backpack full of laundry, trying to get in and out of the laundry room multiple times and continued to do 6 loads of laundry without even stopping by my apartment (which she does for more dubious reasons and she has to pass to get to and from the laundry room) to say “hey, I see you struggling with your laundry. I’ve got a ton to do so I just wanted to let you know so you don’t have to go back and forth 6 times tonight”. No she didn’t think to say that. Rather, the next day she says “Yea, Isaw you trying to do laundry last night.”
Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, the poltergeist. I’m doing laundry the next night, which is done down the driveway to the back of the house, and after starting the laundry a car hits my house (perfectly summarized, along with the broken ankle, here). So, again, you can’t really blame a poltergeist for this. Or can you? The guy lost his cat. Cats are evil. See the connection?
Fast forward to November 2010. I come home from work and my door is kicked open. Some thieves have taken my TV, guitar, amp, glasses, universal remote, and cash. Not the work of a poltergeist, or is it?
Finally, last week. I wake up (admittedly hungover) and there is a broken glass all over my kitchen floor.
One of these things happening isn’t so bad, but combine them all together in the span of 2.5 years and that can’t be a coincidence. That’s it. I’m calling the Catholic Church for some help.
PS. Blogspot spellcheck isn't accepting contractions?
Finally, last week. I wake up (admittedly hungover) and there is a broken glass all over my kitchen floor.
One of these things happening isn’t so bad, but combine them all together in the span of 2.5 years and that can’t be a coincidence. That’s it. I’m calling the Catholic Church for some help.
PS. Blogspot spellcheck isn't accepting contractions?
