"Relax. Chill out."

It's been almost 5 years since my last blog post. I don't even know who reads this anymore. Frankly, something happened outside of the online world that made me question complaining on the Internet. It seemed so small compared to the life events that can actually punch you in the face.

I still think complaining on the Internet is worthless. So I'm going to try to reason on the Internet (probably worth less than worthless). I want to reason with you about the Michel Therrien - PK Subban issue.

If you're reading this it's because you clicked on a link I shared (maybe you stumbled upon it, but that's doubtful). If you're reading this, you probably already know the back story, but bare with me for a second while I lay it out, just in case it's 2025 and we're looking back trying to figure out what happened.

PK Subban, arguably Montreal's second best player (after Carey Price), is carrying the puck in an effort to generate offence. Grigorenko (bad guy Soviet, I think) knocks the puck off PK's stick. PK loses an edge and falls. Grigorenko skates up the ice in a 3 on 3 breakout. The Avalanche score the winning goal. That's abbreviated. I'll go into much more detail. You can see the play in question here.

Really, it's just tough luck for PK and the Canadiens. If PK doesn't fall, arguably the game goes to overtime and the Canadiens get at least a point in a must win game (to be honest, I don't think the Canadiens were in a must win game. There are no more must win games. It's over. It's been over for a while. Play the kids and let them develop and let's ensure a high draft pick). The play also lead to these quotes by Montreal Canadiens head coach, Michel Therrien:

1. "It’s too bad an individual mistake cost us the game late in the game.” 
2. “We believe that, as a coach, he [Subban] could have made a better decision at the blueline. He put himself in a tough position. We play as a team. When we don’t we could be in trouble and this is what happened.”

Now, a bit more back story. Michel Therrien, it is rumoured, never liked PK Subban. He made some comments prior to being coach of the Montreal Canadiens on a French language program called L'Antichambre many years ago that I can't find on the Google machine right now. 

More backstory, the Canadiens were supposed to be good this year. Really good. But Carey Price (best hockey player in the world) is hurt and the team is crapping the bed. 

Even more back story. Habs fans and Montreal media over-react. This is fact. Much like Leafs fans always think they'll win next year. And now, the Montreal media and fan base are going crazy. "Fire Therrien!" "Trade PK!" "Trade Pacioretty!" "Therrien and Bergevin are running PK out of town!" (my favourite). Which leads to the title. It was a quote by Carey Price a few years ago when the Habs lost a pre-season game. He said "Just relax. Chill out.".

Great advice, even for today. So with that all in mind, what does the 30-something (full disclosure, I'm no longer 30-something) Curmudgeon think of this? Let's break down the play:

1. Canadiens have the puck in the offensive zone with about 2 minutes left in a tied game. PK should have made a smart play. Had he passed the puck rather than tried to generate offense the game probably goes to overtime and the Canadiens win. He made a mistake. It's at least partially his fault.
2. Grigorenko made a great play to get the puck away from PK and create the breakout.
3. The breakout was a 3 on 3 and was poorly defended. As the Avs enter the Canadiens zone, each Av is covered - Duchene (who has the puck on zone entry) by Markov, Grigorenko by Pacioretty, and Iginla (the goal scorer) by De La Rose.
4. Pacioretty loses his man by watching the puck. The puck carrier is being defended. Patches screwed up. 
5. De La Rose sees the puck passed to an uncovered Grigorenko and leaves his man to defend the puck carrier. This leaves Iginla all alone in front of the net. De La Rose screwed up.
6. Scrivens over-commits to the puck carrier and can't get back in time to stop Iginla's shot. Bergevin screwed up thinking Scrivens can be Carey Price. I'm not blaming Scrivens. He did what Scrivens does.
7. Down 1 goal with 2 minutes left, Therrien benches Pacioretty and Subban (maybe De La Rose too?). His two best offensive players. Habs lose. Therrien screws up.
8. Therrien places blame on "individual play". Not naming Subban, but in the context of a question regarding Subban's play. Therrien screws up.

So that's a big list of screw ups. Subban, Patches, De La Rose, Therrien (twice). What does it all mean? It means the goal was PK's fault. If he makes the smart play, the breakout doesn't happen. It's also Pacioretty and De La Rose's fault. They left their men all alone. They forgot how to play defense. It's also Therrien's. You can't win with your best players on the bench.

So what else does it all mean? Nothing. The Canadiens are not going to make the playoffs. Even if they get those 2 points. They have a hill to climb. Here's all you really need to take away from this:

1. PK made a mistake. He'll make more. He'll score lots too. 
2. Therrien probably shouldn't have said what he said. But he's in the throes of a very tough season. His comments were correct. PK's play led to the goal. Other things happened too. Maybe he should have also pointed out the mistakes by Patches and De La Rose. Maybe. He didn't. I've said stupid things. A lot of stupid things. I'm sure you have too. You say things you don't mean. You say things you mean but shouldn't say. It happens. Especially in times of intense pressure and stress. 
3. Patches lost his assignment. Doesn't mean he's playing to be traded or hates PK.
4. De La Rose lost his assignment. He'll learn.

You want a new coach? You might get one. But not until the season's over. 

I'm no Michel Therrien apologist. I don't like him or his style. I think he stifles growth. I think he's stubborn. I think he relies on veterans too much. I think he doesn't let talent play the way they can. But I don't think he should be fired mid-season. You make those decisions after thinking clearly for a while. You wait to see who's available at year end.

And who is available? Who do you want? You know an anglophone coach probably won't work, unless it's Scotty Bowman. Guy Boucher? Guy Carbonneau? Someone from the Q?

In a perfect world, the best coach is available right now and accepted by the fans and media. The world is not perfect. So wait it out. See what happens. Make a decision with all available information when it's not an emotional decision.

PK's not going anywhere. Not unless there's an offer that can't be refused. But at $9M per season, not many teams can take him on.

Same as Patches. He'd be easier to trade for sure. But why? He's great, he's signed to a sweet deal. We'd be crazy to trade him.

So, everyone just relax. Chill out. Ride out the season. It sucks, but it'll be over soon and the bad taste will go away. I'm paraphrasing a character from The Walking Dead now "When you get a shit sandwich the best thing to do is bite, chew, swallow, repeat, until it's all over." We've got a shit sandwich for a season. Eat it. It'll be gone soon enough.

Post Script

I've ranted. I'm not sure the above is coherent. Let me know what you think. And yes, I like lists. 

It's a Concert not a Concerto

I’ve written about Wilco, and hence Jeff Tweedy indirectly, before. So if you don’t like it why are you here? Yes, I’m going to write about Jeff Tweedy again.

I went to see Jeff Tweedy play a solo show in Montreal at L’Olympia. Just Jeff Tweedy and 6 or so acoustic guitars. It was seated (read shitty) but there was a bar (read double Jim Beams). So we proceeded to drink our way through the opening act, at the bar, and waited for the headliner. We were seated well enough in advance that we didn’t disturb the precious Mr. Tweedy.

Before I go on, a bit of historical perspective. Jeff Tweedy is well known as a curmudgeon (I know). In the past, he was quite acerbic about it (read when he was on painkillers) but now sort of comes across as funny. I say sort of because you always wonder if there’s a bit of F-You in there (there likely is). I read a review of the previous night’s show in Toronto and someone from the crowd yelled “turn it to 11!” Jeff Tweedy looks at his acoustic guitars and says “I don’t have anything that goes to 11.” Pretty funny, but you know he was thinking “screw you pal” on the inside.

So, knowing this, I was tempted all night to start some witty banter (read double Jim Beam) with Mr. Tweedy. Luckily, I refrained. However, he did play one of my favourite songs (I don’t recall which – double Jim Beam) and at one point I started clapping. Again, this is a concert, with people whooping, hollering and the like. At one point during the song, others joined me in clapping. I can keep time, trust me, I paid for the lessons to learn how to keep time. But I got bored pretty quickly, as I am wont to do, and grabbed my drink and stopped clapping. The song ends and Jeff Tweedy says “I’d like to thank…” and in my head the sentence concludes with “…Mr. Mills for joining me on this song as my percussionist.” Rather the sentence ended “…whoever got that guy to stop clapping, it was distracting.”

Come ON! It’s a concert and I clapped. Heaven forbid I have some fun at a show. At least, Mr. Tweedy, you didn’t get Jim Beam spilled on you like the guy, um, nowhere near me.

The NHL Missed the Net

I've been trying to write about this in a logical yet passionate way since Tuesday evening but I can't. There is no logic and I can't remove my emotions. Yes, I'm talking about the hit that Zdeno Chara laid on Max Pacioretty in Tuesday night's Boston v. Montreal NHL game. I just can't find the words to say what I want. It's rare that I'm at such a loss for words.

In the meantime I've been digesting it all and chatting back and forth with the original curmudgeon (the OGC). The OGC suggested a post that sums it up quite nicely. I've been hoping for this for a while and now, here's the OGC:

NHL leadership stinks and the league is becoming a joke. Every time they have a chance to make a statement, they take a pass. This is the same league that hands out suspensions for vulgar gestures and flipping someone the bird. But when a guy is brutally injured, they turn a blind eye like it's nothing.

A caller to The Team 990 said it perfectly. How can players be held responsible for their sticks when they're falling on their butts and the stick flails, but not be held accountable for their elbows, shoulders and fists when in full control of their body? Only one word sums this up: bullshit.

Well put OGC. But he wasn't done. In response to this article on the Boston Herald website, in particular this line:

The true villain, though, is the architectural genius who placed that small, exposed stretch of boards, stanchions and glass right in the area between the benches and created a tremendously dangerous hazard.

The OGC had this reply:

Is that a little like blaming a rape victim because of the low cut dress she was wearing? In your world, Mr. Harris, I guess the aggressor is never at fault.

Customer Dis-satisfaction Part Deux

Bad service happens, I know, and a lot of my friends are servers so I understand that shit happens. But shit can happen in a good way or a bad way.
Case #1

We're at a bar that I won't name, but it rhymes with goners. We arrived around 12:30 and ordered a beer. We frequent this place and don't recognize our server. She serves us one beer and brings the bill at 1. We're all "hey, we're drinking more, we don't want the bill." She says "Oh, sometimes people leave without paying so I thought I'd bring it just in case." Again, we frequent this bar, the other servers know us. We're not going to dash and even if we weren't regulars, she shouldn't just make that assumption. And even if she does, she shouldn't fucking tell us.

Anyway, small offense, no biggie. 2am rolls around and we have half a beer left, we've paid and tipped well. She comes by and says "If you guys aren't done your beer in a few minutes I'm going to take it from you." Not "could you finish up, we're closing", not "guys, sorry but you gotta leave soon." Not any of that. She freaking challenged us. Bad idea.

We sit around staring at our beer and the clock waiting to see what she'll do. She pops by again and I say "the bar is full, people still have beer, let us finish and we'll go." It's 2:15. She sighs and rolls her eyes then storms off. 10 minutes later, she yanks the beer from Greg, while others in the bar are still drinking.

I don't mind being asked to leave. But there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.

Case #2

(recounted perfectly by Rachelle, but I'll try anyway)

We went out for dinner at a restaurant in Chinatown that I won't name but it rhymes with Bang-guy. A couple of us were there early and it was empty. That didn't stop the server from taking her good old time to serve us. She was obviously new, so I wasn't really holding it against her. In fact, I felt for her because she seemed to be on her own with the exception of the bartender. Anyway, the night goes on and things get worse. I won't duplicate what Rachelle said, but I'll summarize in case you haven't checked her site:

• Appetizers do not get delivered
• Orders get mixed up
• It takes 30 t0 6o minutes to get drinks/apps/mains
• The server spills a beer in an entree and says "do you want me to do something about that?"
• The server, after spilling the beer says "it will taste like beer now."
• The server does not return to clear our table.
• The server does not return with our bill.
• The place fills up with people to see a strip spelling bee and the emcee says "I know people are eating and finishing up, we're doing a spelling bee so finish up." as we're begging the bartender to get us our bill so we can leave.
• The server returns, after being called by the bartender, with the bill and a plate full of fortune cookies (Rachelle put it best, and I'm paraphrasing, "It's much too late for that.")

I've never considered dining and dashing, but I felt like it would have been the right thing to do that night. No apologies from the staff, no discount, nothing.

Thankfully the nights in between at the Pump and the Murray Street were phenomenal as always. There is great service in this city, which is why bad service sticks out like a sore thumb.

Customer Dissatisfaction

There's a music shop in Ottawa that I've always despised. The first reason was its location (it's on Rideau street and hard to get to). The second reason is the service. When I first started to visit the guys wouldn't even look at me. They'd pander to the regulars and professional musicians. Fair enough. But then I got older and had some money to burn. As soon as I had money to burn they were helpful, until I had to take said thing back.

Case #1 - The Tele

I didn't return my Telecaster. I never would. But when I bought it I was told to take it in sometime in the first six months for a full tune up as the intonation and other shit I didn't know shit about would need to be adjusted. Fair enough.

So I learned about intonation and shit and one day noticed the strings rattled and didn't before. So I took it in for the free tune up. They told me it would be ready in two days and I said, "I'm out of town until next Saturday, so I'll just pick it up then." Next Saturday being a week away.

Next Saturday arrives and I show up at the store. "Sorry sir, your guitar isn't ready." OK, I'm somewhat upset, but shit happens.

"Can I have it for Thursday? That's the next jam."

"Sure."

Thursday arrives. I call at noon to make sure I can pick it up at 6. "Is she ready?"

"No, but we'll have it ready by six."

I arrive at six and they can't find it. They scurry and scrounge and I look behind the counter and say, "that's it, did you fix it?"

"Yep, sure did."

"Can I try it?" I ask, recalling the 6th string rattle.

"Sure."

"It wasn't fixed." I say.

"Hey (insert name here), did you fix the black Tele?" the guy yells to the back.

No is the response from the distance. So they fix it there while I wait, which begs the question, couldn't they have done that the first time I was there?

Case #2 - The Recorder (no, not that kind of recorder)

We record some songs we play. We have this dual input thing that plugs into a Mac (half the problem) via USB. This means that we have to play the song 3 times to get all tracks recorded. Which is fine, I think professionals even do this, but it's time consuming.

A couple of days after the holidays I'm surfing this store's website, partly because I'm a sucker for punishment, but mainly because a cute girl said she wanted a guitar. Anyway, I see this recording device similar to ours except it has 8 inputs. 8! Perfect! I call the store and they have one in stock. I ask them to hold it and they do.

Saturday arrives and I head down to the store. My machine is waiting, but I'm nervous, it's so inexpensive, like beer at a Legion. "Are you sure this will work?" I ask, "And if not, can I take it back?"

"Yes" he says.

So I cancel drinking plans with football buddies. Wait, I move my drinking plans from my football buddies to my band buddies and head to the jam space to figure it out. We can't. But we're not worried, we're smart guys, we'll figure it out.

Fast forward to next week and after finally reading the instructions, it works. Woohoo, let's go grab a drink.

Fast forward to next jam night and we can't get it to work. Fast forward to next jam night and we still can't get it to work. We then test it out direct to amplifiers and it doesn't work. So I check the receipt, it's within 30 days and I take it back.

I talk to a guy at the counter and tell him my problem and he says, "we don't have another one in stock."

"That's fine," I say, "I didn't want another one anyway, I just want my money back."

"We don't give money back." he says.

"What? Why? It's within 30 days." I say.

"Well, that'd be just like renting. Nobody gives money back like that."

"Are you serious?" I say, "Everybody gives money back."

"...."

"Everybody."

"Well, I guess we don't, but you can have store credit."

"Fine, I'm missing Lucky Ron. Gimme the credit."

So now I have store credit at a store I don't want to visit. It's about $250, exactly the price I'd pay to fill that thing full of shotgun pellets.

Poltergeist

Poltergeist was one of my favourite horror movies as a kid. You had an ancient burial ground, creepy blond kid, creepier old woman performing a séance, and a little girl being abducted by a TV; what’s not to love? In retrospect, it also had Coach. Seriously. What’s not to love?

Problem is now I’m beginning to think I live with a poltergeist (or I have extremely bad luck and a lack of rest). It started with what the Irish call “the old hag”. You can look it up for yourself and correct me in the comments, but the gist of it is as follows: you are in a state of half wakefulness and half sleep, the brain being awake and the body asleep. You are aware of what is going on around you but you can’t move, you are paralyzed. This manifests itself as something holding you down. I now know this is just a common, natural occurrence. But in June of 2008, in a new apartment, I didn’t really know. So, it’s not really a poltergeist, just a lack of sleep. Or is it?

Occasionally, when I slept at night, I would wake up to the sound of a thud. I’d search the apartment and find the light cover in the entryway on the floor, unbroken. I’d simply reinstall it and it would fall off again a few days later. I had it replaced and it hasn’t fallen since. So no poltergeist. Or is there?

My door would fly open on its own on windy nights. You could push it open if it wasn’t locked, so a bad lock I suppose. Or is it?

Fast forward to October of 2009. I break my ankle. This has nothing to do with the poltergeist (or does it). I just happened to live in the apartment when it happened. Is that coincidental?

Skip ever so slightly to November of 2009. I’m trying to do laundry with a broken leg and crutches because the night before, when I initially planned on trying to do laundry, the upstairs neighbour was doing her laundry – ALL 6 LOADS. This ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, but she remarked to me the next day that she saw my trying to do laundry and apologized for taking up the washer and dryer so long. To summarize, she saw me, hobbling on crutches, with a backpack full of laundry, trying to get in and out of the laundry room multiple times and continued to do 6 loads of laundry without even stopping by my apartment (which she does for more dubious reasons and she has to pass to get to and from the laundry room) to say “hey, I see you struggling with your laundry. I’ve got a ton to do so I just wanted to let you know so you don’t have to go back and forth 6 times tonight”. No she didn’t think to say that. Rather, the next day she says “Yea, Isaw you trying to do laundry last night.”

Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, the poltergeist. I’m doing laundry the next night, which is done down the driveway to the back of the house, and after starting the laundry a car hits my house (perfectly summarized, along with the broken ankle, here). So, again, you can’t really blame a poltergeist for this. Or can you? The guy lost his cat. Cats are evil. See the connection?

Fast forward to November 2010. I come home from work and my door is kicked open. Some thieves have taken my TV, guitar, amp, glasses, universal remote, and cash. Not the work of a poltergeist, or is it?

Finally, last week. I wake up (admittedly hungover) and there is a broken glass all over my kitchen floor.

One of these things happening isn’t so bad, but combine them all together in the span of 2.5 years and that can’t be a coincidence. That’s it. I’m calling the Catholic Church for some help.

PS. Blogspot spellcheck isn't accepting contractions?

It's Not the Band I Hate, It's Their Fans

I’m pretty sure Chris Murphy or Patrick Pentland or whoever wrote Coax Me wasn’t referring to the Montreal Canadiens, but I am. I stole this line, not only from a pop band who had huge potential and spoiled it, but from two friends. Unbeknownst to them (see how I stole another Sloan line, clever huh?), they both use that line. Specifically, Meesh uses it to describe Habs fans; that’s the slant I’m taking.

You see, Habs fans are typically referred to as the smartest fans in hockey. They know the rules, they know when a player is playing well on both sides of the ice (goal scoring is not all that matters) and they know when a player isn’t. But I take exception to that view. Is it smart to boo your number one goalie after he lets in his first goal of the season in the first game of the preseason? A game that doesn’t even matter? That’s what happened on Wednesday night. Carey Price, loved and hated equally in Montreal, let in a soft goal, his first of the pre-season, and was immediately booed by the fans in attendance. Likely 10,000 people since the other half of the 20,000 in attendance like him and chanted his name as he took the ice.

There have been tons of blogs, news stories and tweets about this so I’m just reinforcing the negative here, but I have to rant from time to time. The best I’ve heard was from Dave Stubbs who writes for the Montreal Gazette (http://www.habsinsideout.com/) who said, in a series of tweets:

Fans' booing of #Habs Price reminds me of my 1980s-90s days as a ref in the WWF (now WWE)... #Habs

Fans would throw garbage at villains in ring, then stand outside Forum in -20C winter to get their autographs #Habs

It’s no wonder people hate us (Habs fans). You fuckers make them hate us. Ole your ass.