The Thirtysomething Curmudgeon Strikes Back

It's a Concert not a Concerto

2011-03-28T15:36:00.004-04:00

I’ve written about Wilco, and hence Jeff Tweedy indirectly, before. So if you don’t like it why are you here? Yes, I’m going to write about Jeff Tweedy again.

I went to see Jeff Tweedy play a solo show in Montreal at L’Olympia. Just Jeff Tweedy and 6 or so acoustic guitars. It was seated (read shitty) but there was a bar (read double Jim Beams). So we proceeded to drink our way through the opening act, at the bar, and waited for the headliner. We were seated well enough in advance that we didn’t disturb the precious Mr. Tweedy.

Before I go on, a bit of historical perspective. Jeff Tweedy is well known as a curmudgeon (I know). In the past, he was quite acerbic about it (read when he was on painkillers) but now sort of comes across as funny. I say sort of because you always wonder if there’s a bit of F-You in there (there likely is). I read a review of the previous night’s show in Toronto and someone from the crowd yelled “turn it to 11!” Jeff Tweedy looks at his acoustic guitars and says “I don’t have anything that goes to 11.” Pretty funny, but you know he was thinking “screw you pal” on the inside.

So, knowing this, I was tempted all night to start some witty banter (read double Jim Beam) with Mr. Tweedy. Luckily, I refrained. However, he did play one of my favourite songs (I don’t recall which – double Jim Beam) and at one point I started clapping. Again, this is a concert, with people whooping, hollering and the like. At one point during the song, others joined me in clapping. I can keep time, trust me, I paid for the lessons to learn how to keep time. But I got bored pretty quickly, as I am wont to do, and grabbed my drink and stopped clapping. The song ends and Jeff Tweedy says “I’d like to thank…” and in my head the sentence concludes with “…Mr. Mills for joining me on this song as my percussionist.” Rather the sentence ended “…whoever got that guy to stop clapping, it was distracting.”

Come ON! It’s a concert and I clapped. Heaven forbid I have some fun at a show. At least, Mr. Tweedy, you didn’t get Jim Beam spilled on you like the guy, um, nowhere near me.

The NHL Missed the Net

2011-03-10T09:26:00.006-05:00

I've been trying to write about this in a logical yet passionate way since Tuesday evening but I can't. There is no logic and I can't remove my emotions. Yes, I'm talking about the hit that Zdeno Chara laid on Max Pacioretty in Tuesday night's Boston v. Montreal NHL game. I just can't find the words to say what I want. It's rare that I'm at such a loss for words.

In the meantime I've been digesting it all and chatting back and forth with the original curmudgeon (the OGC). The OGC suggested a post that sums it up quite nicely. I've been hoping for this for a while and now, here's the OGC:

NHL leadership stinks and the league is becoming a joke. Every time they have a chance to make a statement, they take a pass. This is the same league that hands out suspensions for vulgar gestures and flipping someone the bird. But when a guy is brutally injured, they turn a blind eye like it's nothing.

A caller to The Team 990 said it perfectly. How can players be held responsible for their sticks when they're falling on their butts and the stick flails, but not be held accountable for their elbows, shoulders and fists when in full control of their body? Only one word sums this up: bullshit.

Well put OGC. But he wasn't done. In response to this article on the Boston Herald website, in particular this line:

The true villain, though, is the architectural genius who placed that small, exposed stretch of boards, stanchions and glass right in the area between the benches and created a tremendously dangerous hazard.

The OGC had this reply:

Is that a little like blaming a rape victim because of the low cut dress she was wearing? In your world, Mr. Harris, I guess the aggressor is never at fault.

Customer Dis-satisfaction Part Deux

2011-02-27T12:16:00.003-05:00

Bad service happens, I know, and a lot of my friends are servers so I understand that shit happens. But shit can happen in a good way or a bad way.
Case #1

We're at a bar that I won't name, but it rhymes with goners. We arrived around 12:30 and ordered a beer. We frequent this place and don't recognize our server. She serves us one beer and brings the bill at 1. We're all "hey, we're drinking more, we don't want the bill." She says "Oh, sometimes people leave without paying so I thought I'd bring it just in case." Again, we frequent this bar, the other servers know us. We're not going to dash and even if we weren't regulars, she shouldn't just make that assumption. And even if she does, she shouldn't fucking tell us.

Anyway, small offense, no biggie. 2am rolls around and we have half a beer left, we've paid and tipped well. She comes by and says "If you guys aren't done your beer in a few minutes I'm going to take it from you." Not "could you finish up, we're closing", not "guys, sorry but you gotta leave soon." Not any of that. She freaking challenged us. Bad idea.

We sit around staring at our beer and the clock waiting to see what she'll do. She pops by again and I say "the bar is full, people still have beer, let us finish and we'll go." It's 2:15. She sighs and rolls her eyes then storms off. 10 minutes later, she yanks the beer from Greg, while others in the bar are still drinking.

I don't mind being asked to leave. But there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.

Case #2

(recounted perfectly by Rachelle, but I'll try anyway)

We went out for dinner at a restaurant in Chinatown that I won't name but it rhymes with Bang-guy. A couple of us were there early and it was empty. That didn't stop the server from taking her good old time to serve us. She was obviously new, so I wasn't really holding it against her. In fact, I felt for her because she seemed to be on her own with the exception of the bartender. Anyway, the night goes on and things get worse. I won't duplicate what Rachelle said, but I'll summarize in case you haven't checked her site:

Appetizers do not get delivered
Orders get mixed up
It takes 30 t0 6o minutes to get drinks/apps/mains
The server spills a beer in an entree and says "do you want me to do something about that?"
The server, after spilling the beer says "it will taste like beer now."
The server does not return to clear our table.
The server does not return with our bill.
The place fills up with people to see a strip spelling bee and the emcee says "I know people are eating and finishing up, we're doing a spelling bee so finish up." as we're begging the bartender to get us our bill so we can leave.
The server returns, after being called by the bartender, with the bill and a plate full of fortune cookies (Rachelle put it best, and I'm paraphrasing, "It's much too late for that.")

I've never considered dining and dashing, but I felt like it would have been the right thing to do that night. No apologies from the staff, no discount, nothing.

Thankfully the nights in between at the Pump and the Murray Street were phenomenal as always. There is great service in this city, which is why bad service sticks out like a sore thumb.

Customer Dissatisfaction

2011-02-10T12:13:00.005-05:00

There's a music shop in Ottawa that I've always despised. The first reason was its location (it's on Rideau street and hard to get to). The second reason is the service. When I first started to visit the guys wouldn't even look at me. They'd pander to the regulars and professional musicians. Fair enough. But then I got older and had some money to burn. As soon as I had money to burn they were helpful, until I had to take said thing back.

Case #1 - The Tele

I didn't return my Telecaster. I never would. But when I bought it I was told to take it in sometime in the first six months for a full tune up as the intonation and other shit I didn't know shit about would need to be adjusted. Fair enough.

So I learned about intonation and shit and one day noticed the strings rattled and didn't before. So I took it in for the free tune up. They told me it would be ready in two days and I said, "I'm out of town until next Saturday, so I'll just pick it up then." Next Saturday being a week away.

Next Saturday arrives and I show up at the store. "Sorry sir, your guitar isn't ready." OK, I'm somewhat upset, but shit happens.

"Can I have it for Thursday? That's the next jam."

"Sure."

Thursday arrives. I call at noon to make sure I can pick it up at 6. "Is she ready?"

"No, but we'll have it ready by six."

I arrive at six and they can't find it. They scurry and scrounge and I look behind the counter and say, "that's it, did you fix it?"

"Yep, sure did."

"Can I try it?" I ask, recalling the 6th string rattle.

"Sure."

"It wasn't fixed." I say.

"Hey (insert name here), did you fix the black Tele?" the guy yells to the back.

No is the response from the distance. So they fix it there while I wait, which begs the question, couldn't they have done that the first time I was there?

Case #2 - The Recorder (no, not that kind of recorder)

We record some songs we play. We have this dual input thing that plugs into a Mac (half the problem) via USB. This means that we have to play the song 3 times to get all tracks recorded. Which is fine, I think professionals even do this, but it's time consuming.

A couple of days after the holidays I'm surfing this store's website, partly because I'm a sucker for punishment, but mainly because a cute girl said she wanted a guitar. Anyway, I see this recording device similar to ours except it has 8 inputs. 8! Perfect! I call the store and they have one in stock. I ask them to hold it and they do.

Saturday arrives and I head down to the store. My machine is waiting, but I'm nervous, it's so inexpensive, like beer at a Legion. "Are you sure this will work?" I ask, "And if not, can I take it back?"

"Yes" he says.

So I cancel drinking plans with football buddies. Wait, I move my drinking plans from my football buddies to my band buddies and head to the jam space to figure it out. We can't. But we're not worried, we're smart guys, we'll figure it out.

Fast forward to next week and after finally reading the instructions, it works. Woohoo, let's go grab a drink.

Fast forward to next jam night and we can't get it to work. Fast forward to next jam night and we still can't get it to work. We then test it out direct to amplifiers and it doesn't work. So I check the receipt, it's within 30 days and I take it back.

I talk to a guy at the counter and tell him my problem and he says, "we don't have another one in stock."

"That's fine," I say, "I didn't want another one anyway, I just want my money back."

"We don't give money back." he says.

"What? Why? It's within 30 days." I say.

"Well, that'd be just like renting. Nobody gives money back like that."

"Are you serious?" I say, "Everybody gives money back."

"...."

"Everybody."

"Well, I guess we don't, but you can have store credit."

"Fine, I'm missing Lucky Ron. Gimme the credit."

So now I have store credit at a store I don't want to visit. It's about $250, exactly the price I'd pay to fill that thing full of shotgun pellets.

Poltergeist

2011-01-20T08:59:00.004-05:00

Poltergeist was one of my favourite horror movies as a kid. You had an ancient burial ground, creepy blond kid, creepier old woman performing a séance, and a little girl being abducted by a TV; what’s not to love? In retrospect, it also had Coach. Seriously. What’s not to love?

Problem is now I’m beginning to think I live with a poltergeist (or I have extremely bad luck and a lack of rest). It started with what the Irish call “the old hag”. You can look it up for yourself and correct me in the comments, but the gist of it is as follows: you are in a state of half wakefulness and half sleep, the brain being awake and the body asleep. You are aware of what is going on around you but you can’t move, you are paralyzed. This manifests itself as something holding you down. I now know this is just a common, natural occurrence. But in June of 2008, in a new apartment, I didn’t really know. So, it’s not really a poltergeist, just a lack of sleep. Or is it?

Occasionally, when I slept at night, I would wake up to the sound of a thud. I’d search the apartment and find the light cover in the entryway on the floor, unbroken. I’d simply reinstall it and it would fall off again a few days later. I had it replaced and it hasn’t fallen since. So no poltergeist. Or is there?

My door would fly open on its own on windy nights. You could push it open if it wasn’t locked, so a bad lock I suppose. Or is it?

Fast forward to October of 2009. I break my ankle. This has nothing to do with the poltergeist (or does it). I just happened to live in the apartment when it happened. Is that coincidental?

Skip ever so slightly to November of 2009. I’m trying to do laundry with a broken leg and crutches because the night before, when I initially planned on trying to do laundry, the upstairs neighbour was doing her laundry – ALL 6 LOADS. This ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, but she remarked to me the next day that she saw my trying to do laundry and apologized for taking up the washer and dryer so long. To summarize, she saw me, hobbling on crutches, with a backpack full of laundry, trying to get in and out of the laundry room multiple times and continued to do 6 loads of laundry without even stopping by my apartment (which she does for more dubious reasons and she has to pass to get to and from the laundry room) to say “hey, I see you struggling with your laundry. I’ve got a ton to do so I just wanted to let you know so you don’t have to go back and forth 6 times tonight”. No she didn’t think to say that. Rather, the next day she says “Yea, Isaw you trying to do laundry last night.”

Anyway, where was I? Oh yea, the poltergeist. I’m doing laundry the next night, which is done down the driveway to the back of the house, and after starting the laundry a car hits my house (perfectly summarized, along with the broken ankle, here). So, again, you can’t really blame a poltergeist for this. Or can you? The guy lost his cat. Cats are evil. See the connection?

Fast forward to November 2010. I come home from work and my door is kicked open. Some thieves have taken my TV, guitar, amp, glasses, universal remote, and cash. Not the work of a poltergeist, or is it?

Finally, last week. I wake up (admittedly hungover) and there is a broken glass all over my kitchen floor.

One of these things happening isn’t so bad, but combine them all together in the span of 2.5 years and that can’t be a coincidence. That’s it. I’m calling the Catholic Church for some help.

PS. Blogspot spellcheck isn't accepting contractions?

It's Not the Band I Hate, It's Their Fans

2010-09-24T11:17:00.002-04:00

I’m pretty sure Chris Murphy or Patrick Pentland or whoever wrote Coax Me wasn’t referring to the Montreal Canadiens, but I am. I stole this line, not only from a pop band who had huge potential and spoiled it, but from two friends. Unbeknownst to them (see how I stole another Sloan line, clever huh?), they both use that line. Specifically, Meesh uses it to describe Habs fans; that’s the slant I’m taking.

You see, Habs fans are typically referred to as the smartest fans in hockey. They know the rules, they know when a player is playing well on both sides of the ice (goal scoring is not all that matters) and they know when a player isn’t. But I take exception to that view. Is it smart to boo your number one goalie after he lets in his first goal of the season in the first game of the preseason? A game that doesn’t even matter? That’s what happened on Wednesday night. Carey Price, loved and hated equally in Montreal, let in a soft goal, his first of the pre-season, and was immediately booed by the fans in attendance. Likely 10,000 people since the other half of the 20,000 in attendance like him and chanted his name as he took the ice.

There have been tons of blogs, news stories and tweets about this so I’m just reinforcing the negative here, but I have to rant from time to time. The best I’ve heard was from Dave Stubbs who writes for the Montreal Gazette (http://www.habsinsideout.com/) who said, in a series of tweets:

Fans' booing of #Habs Price reminds me of my 1980s-90s days as a ref in the WWF (now WWE)... #Habs

Fans would throw garbage at villains in ring, then stand outside Forum in -20C winter to get their autographs #Habs

It’s no wonder people hate us (Habs fans). You fuckers make them hate us. Ole your ass.

Why?

2010-09-04T03:23:00.004-04:00

There's an urban legend out there about an exam question on a university exam. It was a bonus mark question that was simply "why?" The answer, according to the legend, is "why not."

I haven't been much of a blogger lately because I've become bored with writing. I was initially inspired by two things; an incident that inspired me and a friend who blogs who also inspired me. Since then I've been pissed off less and less. Hard to imagine, I know.

But something happened that killed my urge to blog. It was the question "why?" Specifically "why blog?"

I've thought long and hard about this over the last drunken 20 minutes. I've come up with four (I've changed that number numerous times) answers:

1. I want to be heard (i.e., I'm vain).
2. I want to educate.
3. I want to entertain.
4. It's cathartic.

The truth, as always, lies somewhere in between. No, wait, they're all true.

I do want to be heard. I want you to hear what I have to say, otherwise I'd just think these thoughts and carry on.

I want to educate. I hope to teach you things like "don't bike on the sidewalk."

I want to entertain. I can't say for certain that I do, but if you're here again, I can't help but think I do.

It is cathartic. I type this shit that I hope you read (i.e., to fulfill my need to be heard), that will educate you (that's up to you), and that is entertaining (I hope I didn't fail) and it feels good. I need to get this shit out. If you spend time with me, and I'm sure my 20 readers do, you know I'm opinionated. I need to tell it like I see it and this is a way to get it out without pissing you off face to face (not that I don't anyway). And after I type it, I won't bring it up in person and get into stupid arguments like why singing the national anthem at sporting events is stupid.

I want to blog more and I hope I do. But the "why?" still haunts me. I started out having fun with it and kept trying to one-up each post. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I don't' have to be better with each post. Maybe I just have to do it to feel better or to get shit out. Or, most likely, I'm drunk and I shouldn't be sitting in front of this keyboard right now.

Superheroes Without the Power and Motivation

2010-07-26T11:24:00.009-04:00

I'm back!

I was uninspired for some time and this weekend an event occurred that I have to write about. But before I do that, I have to give all y'all some background.

I've been robbed a few times. At first it was somebody breaking into my car in Montreal and stealing all my CDs. Then, it was crackheads breaking into my car in my parking garage on a fairly regular basis. In fact, at one point the lock on my car door was busted and I decided not to lock it anymore to make sure my windows were never busted (side note - my uncle cracks up over one particular robbery. I called the police and told them about a break in. They asked me when it happened. I rarely drive my car so I say sometime in the past three months). The final (I think) theft was my bicycle, which wasn't even 6 months old at the time. So I've got a pretty negative outlook towards thieves.

Fast forward to Saturday night. It was starting off as a pretty low key night. We went out for food and drinks and then back to the good doctor's place to hang with the newlyweds. As we left I convinced Greg (or was it the other way around) to grab a drink downtown before calling it a night. We were walking on Lewis Street towards Elgin (here's a map for the out of towners) and about halfway between O'Connor and Metcalfe there is a parking lot and you can see the next Street up, Gilmour. As we get to the parking lot we see a disturbance. Some guy is shoving this girl around and yanking at her purse. I point it out to Greg and he says "you go that way (straight through the parking lot) and I'll go this way (around the corner and up O'Connor)." So I beat it. I beat it like I've never beaten it before. (side note - my ankle held up great, I hadn't really tested it until then and I didn't even think about it until a day or so later). I get straight through the lot and run past the girl, who is still on the ground, following the purse snatcher when I hear her yell for help. So I stop, turn around, help her up, and ask if she's OK. She seems to be and says "get my purse." So, I turn back around and see the guy in the distance. I beat it again, but know this time he's out of my reach. But, as luck would have it, he turns left on O'Connor, running right into Greg. I slow my pace and continue on, hoping this doesn't turn ugly. Then I see Greg come around the corner with a huge smile on his face and the purse in his hands.

The rest of the story is from Greg, I've asked him to review and edit the following:

The guy runs down the middle of O'Connor Street and straight towards Greg. Greg stands there (Greg is a tall guy and can be imposing, unless you know him) arms spread wide and says "I got you, where you going, I got you. Let's do this. Come on." The guy tries to deke him a couple of times without success. Greg is matching his every move. Then he drops the purse and runs in the other direction. Superfrickinhero.

So Greg returns the purse to the girl and she is ecstatic. She's doing fine, although she has a few bruises on her arm from the incident. I ask her where she lives and she says just the other side of Elgin, which is where we were heading anyway so we tell her we'll walk her home. Greg recommends that she call the cops and she decides to go straight to the police station to report it ASAP. We walk her down Elgin to the Pump and suggest following her all the way to the police station but she declines as Elgin is a pretty busy and safe street.

So Greg and I finish our initial plan and grab a few pints and celebratory shots. Greg's a hero and worth rebooting the blog for.

Also, the girl was hammered and she had a full bottle of wine in the purse. I love centretown.

The Last Post - 2 Wilco Shows in 3 Nights

2010-03-07T16:40:00.004-05:00

I'm horrible at blogging lately. I just can't find the time or something that ticks me off enough to make a curmudgeonly post. So I'm giving this blog up. That's not to say I'll never blog again, in fact I want to, but I think it'll be without a curmudgeonly twist. Rather, I'll just blog about my life in general, maybe some concert reviews, things like that.

So I'm ending this baby the way I started it; with a concert review. But this time you get a two for one deal. I saw two Wilco shows in 3 nights last week. Don't know who Wilco is? For shame. Go to YouTube and check some shit out. Jesus etc. may be the best song of the 2000s.

We showed up late for the first show that was at the Olympia in Montreal. It's such a beautiful venue, with red and gold trim on the inside. It reminds me of an old theater, most likely because it is (built in 1925). As we walk in I can hear "Bull Black Nova", a song off the new album "Wilco". They apparently started with "Wilco (the Song)", which isn't one of my favourites anyway and followed that with "I am Trying to Break Your Heart", a song I'm upset I missed but I'll live.

So, I wasn't pleased about showing up late, but we didn't really miss much. We walk into the theater and have to settle for a spot at the back. No problems there, I generally like the back, though it's not tough to get to the front at a Wilco show, people are pretty mellow. But the crowd was buzzing. There was an excitement in the air, although it could have been just me being in MTL or the 4 shots of Jagermeister.

The show progressed as follows:

You Are My Face
One Wing
A Shot In The Arm
Muzzle Of Bees
Pot Kettle Black
Deeper Down

At this point, I'm thinking they don't have it tonight. The band wasn't tight and I wasn't feeling it, even after hearing my favourite song "A Shot in the Arm". Then they played "Impossible Germany". Now this song has one of the greatest solos in the world and Nels Cline nailed it. I almost bought a Jazzmaster because of him. I still think it wouldn't have been a bad idea, but I'm more than happy with my Tele.

Needless to say I was won over instantly. His guitar solo changed the whole complexion of the show like a fight can change momentum in a hockey game. And it was all gravy from there. The rest of the show went like this:

Impossible Germany
She's A Jar
California Stars
Summer Teeth
Jesus, Etc.
Handshake Drugs
You Never Know
Hate It Here
Walken
I'm The Man Who Loves You

Encore:
Broken Arrow (Neil Young cover)
Via Chicago
The Late Greats (dedicated "tonight, and always, to Anvil")
Heavy Metal Drummer
Red-Eyed And Blue
I Got You (At The End Of The Century)
Casino Queen
Hoodoo Voodoo
I'm A Wheel

Tweedy, a well known curmudgeon, was even in a good mood. Congratulating us on all of our gold medals and inviting us to sing "Jesus etc." He then said that it was the best he's ever heard (it wasn't, the crowd sang the first chorus twice). I also got a kick out of him dedicating "The Late Greats" to Anvil. Good stuff.

All in all, a good show. It started slowly, but hit high gear after "Impossible Germany".

I had a well deserved day of rest on Sunday, though I stayed up long enough to see that hockey game that a whole lot of people watched. The next day I was well rested, but fighting a cold. No matter, it wasn't going to keep me from the National Arts Centre to see Wilco.

We arrived very early, right before the opening act started. So we grabbed a beer and checked out the merchandise. Nice stuff, but nothing I really needed to add to my collection.

The opening act (Bahamas) starts and we head down to our seats. The NAC is a theater where you get all sorts of stuff; opera, theater, rock shows. I was concerned because it's seated. Seated places tend to have seated people. You don't sit at a Wilco show.

So we walk down to our seats and notice that we'd walk in front of half the row to get there. We weren't prepared to do that and the opener, while good, wasn't really something we wanted to check out. "Want to go back to the bar?" "Do I?!"

In all fairness, the opener was talented, it was just too quiet for my liking.

So, immediately after the opening act is done we make our way to our seats. There's no way we're missing any of this. We get to our seats, chat up some folks we know and then the lights go down. Here we go. The crowd stands right away as Wilco starts with "Wilco (the song)". So far the band seems much tighter than on Saturday night. Good sign.

They follow it up with "Bull Black Nova" and the crowd starts to sit. I say to Dino "Do not sit down; this is a rock show not an opera." Yet we sit anyway. The crowd rises again when "Company in my Back" starts next and I say "I don't care what happens, I'm not sitting again. This isn't church; you don't rise and sit and rise and sit." And we didn't.

The rest of the show progressed like this:

I am Trying to Break Your Heart
One Wing
Shot In The Arm
Side With The Seeds
Deeper Down
California Stars
Impossible Germany
Blue Eyed Soul
Handshake Drugs
You Never Know
Jesus, Etc
Poor Places
Reservations
Spiders
Hummingbird

Encore:
Broken Arrow
Via Chicago
Passenger Side
Hate It Here
Walken
I'm The Man Who Loves You

Another great show and the band was better on this night than Saturday. However, they still picked it up a notch during "Impossible Germany". Tweedy was genial again, though there were a couple of instances that I thought we'd be in for trouble. He noted how happy we all were and asked if we had won some major sporting event. Someone in the crowd yelled "entertain us" which made me cringe. I suspect he heard, though he said "I can't hear you, but it doesn't matter" and broke into whatever song was next. Things could have turned then and I suspect he's mellowed out (ahem).

He also asked us to sing Jesus etc. and noted that the crowd in MTL had done it better than anyone. He challenged us to top it. I suspect he knows nothing of Ottawa crowds. Anyway, we did fine, though he pointed out that we messed up the second verse (we did).

The guy beside me thought it'd be fun to guess every song before it was played. He'd been following them around for a bit and was in MTL too. So before every song he yells "Heavy Metal Drummer" or "Via Chicago" and then proceeds to sing whatever song they are playing. I don't like this. I came to hear Wilco, not drunk dude next to me. But I wasn't about to let that spoil my night. I let it go and it was all good from there. In fact, he was a good guy and he was just having his fun.

I was lucky enough to see two great shows in three nights. I also read online that my friend had two tickets to the show in Halifax and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about flying down. I hope you ladies had as much fun as I had.

Well, the curmudgeon is signing off. Follow me on Twitter for microblogs and I'll post something new someday without the curmudgeon twist. Hope you had as much fun as I did.

Failure to Launch

2010-01-27T20:01:00.004-05:00

A giant Ipod touch with a data plan or a giant Iphone with no phone. That's what Apple unveiled as their tablet, the Ipad. Ignoring the obvious, and already trying too hard jokes, about the name, Apple underwhelmed me and others today.

Gizmodo has a great post about the disappointments with the Ipad's capabilities. My buddy G had a great blog post about Apple potentially missing the boat (and they did) with the Ipad's functionality. It appears to me that Apple is happy producing an entertainment device. I won't go into detail as you can read Gizmodo's post or G's post for the details. But what gets me is Apple's apparent ignorance (hubris perhaps) to what it needs to fix with respect to its handheld system; multitasking.

You can say what you will about a physical vs touch keyboard or a typical OS file structure, I don't see either as an issue with respect to the Iphone or Ipad. You can get used to the touch keyboard and I actually prefer the lack of a visible folder structure (you don't see folders, you just access the files needed through an app's gui). But the lack of multitasking is beyond me, especially with the Ipad.

I assume that Apple's main competition here are net books; small, media focused laptops. You can multitask on net books, search the net while playing a game or writing an email. If you've paid attention you've heard the lack of multitasking gripe from Apple devotees and Apple haters alike. Yet Apple has seemingly ignored the issue. This is a functionality that should be commonplace on any computing device, even smart phones (as I type this on my Blackberry I switch with ease without saving or closing my memo application to check email, scores, twitter and other applications that are running concurrently).

It reminds me of an issue with Itunes. I've heard many Apple devotees state the reason the Ipod is king of the MP3 players is the ease of use and functionality of Itunes. I disagree. While Itunes is not difficult to use, it's not the simplest media management tool and lacks an important feature that other media management software have; the ability to monitor folders and automatically add new files to its library. The idea seems so simple and mandatory, yet it is nonexistent in Itunes.

Apple is a great manufacturer of entertainment devices, I love my Ipod and would rather have an Iphone than my Blackberry, but they could be better and if they didn't have the hip cachet they wouldn't be doing as well as they are. There are better MP3 players, better smartphones, better software, and better computing devices available for better prices. At some point they'll be forced to pay attention and give us what we need.

Also, check out G's new post at the Luddite Times. He properly spells Apple's iLine of products and is an Apple devotee who isn't sold.

RIP Jay Reatard

2010-01-15T12:18:00.003-05:00

Jay Reatard's show was short and sparse. He may have played for a total of 30 or 45 minutes but they were the greatest 30 or 45 minutes I've ever spent at the Babylon night club. I don't recall him saying a word between songs but I do recall the vigor with which he strummed the chords to My Shadow and his long, curly red hair flying around violently.

Jay Reatard died earlier this week and many of you don't know who he is. Who he was was one of North America best young punk rockers. And by punk, this is what I mean:

If you are unfamiliar with the incident or the widely circulated YouTube video that came out afterward, the story goes something like this: Reatard (real name Jay Lindsey) hit the stage at Toronto's Silver Dollar at about 11 p.m. He and his band were in the middle of their fourth song when one audience member sauntered on stage and managed to disconnect Reatard's microphone. Reatard swung the concert goer around by the shirt and landed a punch square in the young man's face. Then he promptly packed up his things and walked out of the venue.

Apparently Jay didn't fuck around. I recall someone mentioning that he looked a bit like Carrot Top and I suddenly expected that person to end up with a fist or boot in the face. Sadly I was disappointed.

If you haven't heard Jay's music you should. I recently read he was on the cusp of greatness. Bullshit. He was great. The fact that the rest of the world didn't know it yet changes nothing.

Toronto Sports Network - UPDATED

2010-01-12T11:38:00.008-05:00

Updated at bottom.

I've complained about TSN being very Toronto-centric in my NHL draft diary but today's headlines really annoyed me. Here's a list of all the links to stories on TSN's main page this morning:

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Canucks' Burrows slams referee after loss to Predators
Serena Williams dominates in Sydney to win 2010 debut
Veteran sumo wrestler Kaio notches record 808th win
Weber's game-winner leads Predators to road win over Canucks
Anderson makes 44 saves as Avs drop Flames in shootout
Pacers rally from 23 points down to stun Raptors
Maynard beats Diaz in Ultimate Fight Night main event

Monday, January 11, 2010

Serena Williams dominates in Sydney to win 2010 debut
Huge night by Nash helps Suns hold off Bucks
Pound: Figure skating a 'nightmare sport'
Wilson may shake up Leafs' lines to help Kessel out of slump
Walling: Saint Mary's to welcome Danton
Fast Break: Rautins says Bosh is the best Raptor ever
McGwire admits to steroid use during 1998 home run race
Report: Blue Jays scouting Delgado in winter league
McGwire's original testimony before Congress in 2005
Fleury apologizes for ripping Flames on his blog
Coveted LHP Chapman signs 6-year deal with Reds
Coyotes' Jovanovski suspended 2 games for elbowing
Bucks lose Redd for remainder of the season
Rangers, Guerrero agree on one-year deal
Double Play: McGwire deserves to be forgiven like Rodriguez
Blackhawks extend president McDonough through 2016
Stronger, Higher, Homer? Simpsons go curling
Canada names its Olympic long track team
Seahawks make it official with Pete Carroll
Flames host Avs, Canucks battle Preds in Monday action
Danton cleared to attend St. Mary's; expected to play hockey
Lindsey Vonn dimisses the hype
Eagles say McNabb will return for 12th season with team
Langenbrunner picked as USA's captain for Vancouver
Mark McGwire's full statement
Streaking Canucks gain ground in TSN.ca NHL Power Rankings
Canadian foursome set to tee off on PGA Tour in 2010
Heavy rain closes Olympic host mountain
Razor's Edge: Red Wings a model for resiliency
Watkins, Bowman, Chiu top Als' list of potential free agents
Texas Longhorns top men's hoops poll for the first time
Flashback: Beckie Scott waited to receive gold
Bosh, Raptors start brief road swing in Indy on TSN
More Wizards meet authorities about Arenas investigation
Six-goal week earns Canucks' Burrows first star honours
Chisholm: Of Bosh, Turkoglu, and the NBA trade deadline
Hall tops Seguin in Central Scouting mid-season rankings
Doughty piling up points since Team Canada announcement
Armstrong: Five improvements for Raptors to take next step
Jones versus Vera set for main event of UFC Fight Night 21
Tiger-Cats ink Peter Dyakowski to contract extension
Pens go for consecutive wins in clash with Wild on TSN2
Jayson Williams pleads guilty to '02 shooting; to serve time
Mavericks acquire Najera from New Jersey
Man U aims to reduce massive debts with bond sale
Bus attack highlights security concerns ahead of WCup
Sutter furious at laser pointer wielding Canucks fan
Cullen: First Fantasy Puck Mail of 2010
Schumacher's return to F1 begins with drive of GP2 car
Tom Hicks' son resigns as director of Liverpool
FIA to appeal court's decision to overturn Briatore's ban
Report: Canadians Stout, Goulet added to UFC 113 in Montreal
Henin pulls out with injury; upsets rule Monday in Sydney
Monfils withdraws from Sydney tournament
Lightning beat Devils in completion of suspended game
Henderson unifies lightweight title at WEC 46
Dansby's fumble return in OT helps Arizona to record victory

Noticeably absent is a story about a 4 point (FOUR!) game by Mr. Guillaume Latendresse of the Minnesota Wild. Gui! had a hand in every goal scored by the Wild last night. You'd think that in a country obsessed with hockey this would be headline news. Especially considering the network aired the game and Gui! is a Canadian boy. But it's not and I'll tell you why. It's the Toronto Sports Network and he's French (yep, I went there)!

First, the Toronto bias.

TSN needs room on its site for stories about who Phil Kessel's linemates are going to be, why Chris Bosh is the greatest Raptor of all time, who the Blue Jays are scouting and something about Homer Simpson. As if a story about who will be playing on a line with a guy on one of the worst teams in the NHL is bigger news than a guy who notches 4 points in a game and is a part of every scoring play. A 4 point night is nothing to scoff at and should be an entry on your site the day after it happens. You even showed the game, you must have had reporters on hand.

I'm tired of TSN calling itself Canada's National sports leader. It is Toronto's sporst leader. At least Sportsnet has 4 different channels based on region. TSN has 2 stations, but focused on Toronto. While RDS is obviously biased towards Montreal it is a French speaking station; it should be biased towards Canada's only French based team.

Now, the French Bias. This was covered by Bob Sirois in his book Le Québec mis en échec: la discrimination envers les Québécois dans le LNH (Quebec bodychecked: discrimination against Quebeckers in the NHL). Mr. Sirois contends that prejudice is alive and well in the NHL and he points this out with the lack of esteem held for French players when compared to anglophone peers.

You think Sirois' crazy? Again, the Latendresse story was not included in TSN's links. Also, have a look at all of the hockey related news above and see if you can find a French name. You can't. I understand that Fleury is a French based name, Theo is not French.

If it weren't for its grapple on sports in Canada, I'd be done with TSN. As it is now I watch RDS almost exclusively for games and news updates and will no longer visit TSN on the web. Frapper la rue TSN.

Update

Alex Burrows is from Quebec. His story is the first on the list above. However, his story is a story of a vendetta between him and a referree. The ref, Stephane Auger, was also involved during the Shane Doan racial slur. It all smells a tad funny, and while I'm not entirely sure what to think of it, since both Burrows and Auger are from Quebec, I still think it's incredible there was (and still) no mention of Gui!'s 4 point night against the Stanley Cup champion Pens.

Bad Corporate Citizens

2010-01-06T16:58:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since something really grinded my gears enough to blog about (in case you didn't notice) but I just saw an article regarding what Wal-Mart and H&M do with unsold clothing. Here, read it and then come back, I'll wait.

So, how do you like them apples? Wal-Mart and H&M destroy and toss out clothing they can't sell rather than donate the clothing to charity. This incenses me to no end. Even sports teams send off the losing championship game clothing to third world countries (poor Jian thinks the Bills won 4 SuperBowls in a row).

Donating the clothing does more than help the poor people of NYC; it creates an image of a good corporate citizen. While I understand that Wal-Mart's image as a corporate citizen is spotless (where's that sarcastic font?), you can really never be too nice in the corporate world.

I don't really have much else to say that wasn't said in the article but if you didn't already have enough reasons to not shop at Wal-Mart, there's another. As for H&M, I could never handle the lineups so it's not like I have to stop shopping there, but I certainly won't even consider it now.

For shame.

Happy New Year

2010-01-02T12:17:00.001-05:00

Wow, has it really been almost a month since my last post? Time flies when you're driving to Kingston every day to teach the business and charity world about Harmonization.

Happy New Year folks. Hope yours doesn't involve sitting for 3 hours in the Montreal airport tomorrow. If it does, meet me at Moes.

I've spent the past two weeks in my hometown for the holidays and, contrary to most people's expectations, I didn't end up bored for long. The first day I was bored about 1/2 hour after waking, so I called my cousin and next thing I know I'm staring at the giant axe in Nackawic walking into the rink for a hockey game.

What followed is 2 days of shopping, 2 days of work (boo-urns), Xmas eve, Xmas, Boxing (aka drinking and games) day, 3 days of Boxing day shopping/returning items, a day of four wheeling (w00t), a day of recovery, preparation for New Years, New Years Eve, New Years Day Levee, and a day of recovery. I know I'm an accountant and the days probably don't add up. If I've missed one it likely involved Picarroons Yippee IPA or Best Bitter and a game of Blockus (kind 0f like tetris, but table top with the intention of screwing up your opponents' plans).

All in all I had a great holiday home with the family. As always with theses visits, I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to and I'm sorry for that folks. I do miss you all and hope to see you all soon.

Have a great 2010, we're entering the teens of the 2000s, so don't worry about that pimple, you won't remember in in 2030.

Music Snobbery Part 1 – I Believe in Country Music

2009-12-06T19:33:00.004-05:00

This is the first part in a continuing curmudgeon series, Music Snobbery. I’m a self-professed recovering music snob. You all know music snobs. They’re (we’re?) the ones who says things like “I don’t listen to the radio”, “Metallica was shit after And Justice For All”, “I like the Silversun Pickups better when they were called Zwan” (Hi G) and the like. Today I’m examining the music snob who says “I like all kinds of music, except country.”

In Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs – A Low Culture Manifesto, Chuck Klosterman posits that music taste is used by the music snob to gauge coolness. In particular, most people who say “I like all kinds of music, except country” only say so to appear cool. I agree with Chuck; people judge other people’s cool factor by what they listen to. This is increasing measured by what’s on their Ipod (heaven fordid you have a Zune).

These folks always pick out country. You never hear anyone say “I like all kinds of music except show tunes” or “I like all kinds of music, except chamber music” or how about “I like all kinds of music, except Gregorian chants.” No, people love to pick on country music.

Well reader, I love country music. I grew up listening to it and I hear it in a lot of music that all the hipsters listen to, like:

Wilco (big Ernest Tubbs fans)
Neko Case
Okkervil River
Avett Brothers (these guys are as country as they come)
Tallest Man on Earth
Fleet Foxes
X
Lykke Li (ok, kidding here)

I don’t want to convince you to like country music, in fact a friend of mine once said “everybody has their own ears” and I agree with him. You can like and dislike whatever you want, just don’t be a snob about it.

It's About Time

2009-11-17T17:31:00.003-05:00

Dick Jauron was fired as head coach of the Buffalo "We'll be in Toronto Soon and the Curmudgeon Will Not Have a Favourite Team" Bills. Jauron's record as head coach of the Bills was 24 wins and 33 losses.

If you don't know who Jauron is, he's the coach who stands motionless and emotionless on the sidelines while your team gets an easy win. That is unless your team is St. Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, Tampa Bay, or another bottom feeder. He's also the guy that looks like a shorter, skinnier version of Lurch. Basically like he's already been embalmed (come to think of it, he and Ralph Wilson have a lot in common).

What amazes me most about the story is that Jauron didn't see the firing coming. Four years to improve a football team and 4 years without passing 7 wins out of a 16 game season. Four years without improving an offense even after adding one of the best wide receivers of this era. Maybe that explains why he couldn't see blitzes coming in obvious passing situations; he just can't see anything.

I'd be happy about this move if it meant better things for the Bills in the future, but I doubt it. The Bills do not have a good record for hiring coaches in the post 90s era. Here are the Bills' coaches post Marv Levyand their records:

Wade Phillips 29 wins 19 losses. Decent coaching record , but screwed up majorly by starting Rob Johnson at QB instead of Doug Flutie in the playoffs essentially costing him his job.
Gregg Williams 17 wins 30 losses. Better defensive co-ordinator than head coach (see Redskins, Washington and Saints, New Orleans). Inexperienced when hired.
Mike Mularkey 14 wins 18 losses. Mularkey or malarkey? Tight end coach now? Who knows and who cares?

Octogenarian Ralph Wilson had better take some time to hire a new coach and better spend some cash. There are some big names out there like Mike Shanahan, Jon Gruden, Bill Cowher, Mike Holmgren, Tony Dungy. Sure, some of them may not want to coach, but maybe we can have them be a football operations guy like Parcells in Miami. But that won't happen. They'll hire some second rate coach and continue their abysmal stretch until the eventual move to Toronto where they'll win a SuperBowl as the Toronto something or others and I'll hate it.

You Were Expecting Gretzky?

2009-11-16T20:00:00.004-05:00

I've heard it said that the definition of crazy is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results. So does that make Bryan Murray stark raving mad? Didn't he know what he was getting when he signed Alex "the artist" "AK-27" Kovalev?

I've watched Kovy for the past 5 years in a Habs uniform only to be frustrated, then dazzled, then further frustrated, then happy he was gone. Sure, he can be a game changer but more of than not he's lazy and uninterested.

Kovalev has four goals and four assists in 16 games, which puts him on pace for 41 points this season. That will change, he'll score a bunch for a week, then cool off again and likely end up somewhere near 50 points. You'd be crazy if you expected anything more.

Finally Some Comeuppance

2009-11-16T19:36:00.004-05:00

I couldn't help but feel some joy when Captain America threw a 3 yard pass to Kevin Faulk that Faulk juggled while being pushed back a yard and half on the 4th and 2 play of last night's Monday Night Football game. Faulk was ruled down at the Patriots 28 yard line giving Peyton Manning the ball with 2 minutes left. You may recall that Captain America and the Pats stomach punched me and the rest of the Bills fans on week 1 of the season. Yes, I am petty and spiteful.

It would have felt better if it were the Bills winning the game rather than the Colts, but it seemed appropriate since NBC was calling this game part of the rivalry of the decade. Plus, I've always like Peyton. He is arguably the best quaterback ever. And no, I don't buy the "Brady has more rings" argument as a reason he's better than Manning. Aikman has more rings than Marino, but nobody thinks he's a better QB (well, maybe Taylor, but he's not exactly an objective observer). I also think that Marino was the best QB of his era, SuperBowl wins or not.

As much as I'm glad Captain America didn't stage one of his miraculous comebacks, the loss rests squarely on Bill Bilichick's shoulders. Bilichick is the head coach. It was his call to me and he is viewed by many as the greatest coach working today. Maybe he started to believe his own press. Hubris caught up with him last night.

Bilichick's hubris is well documented. Sure, the press doesn't really call it hubris, but if you look back to the 18-1 (ha! 1) season and even the game against my beloved Bills, Bilichick always makes calls that reek of hubris. Going for it on 4th and 1 twice in a game against the Bills, running up the score in every game during the 2007 season and last night was the exclamation point.

You may not agree with me. You don't have to. But you can't disagree that last night's call was the wrong call and that Bilichick's arrogance (ok, you may not use that word) finally caught up with him.

Thank you Peyton, thank you rookie corner Jerraud Powers and thank you Bilichick's hubris. You made my night and gave me something to write about after a nearly month long absence. Now if only I could find something to say about Kovalev not producing.

I'm Glad That's Over

2009-11-01T11:29:00.010-05:00

What a week! Last night officially ended the worst week I've had in a while.

It started last Saturday. I was playing squash with a couple of friends and ran cross court for a ball that I should have let drop. Instead I pushed it and my foot turned inside effectively turning my ankle into the ball of my foot. The ankle is not built for that. Turns out I have an avulsion fracture (when a ligament or tendon pulls and takes a piece of the bone it's attached to with it). I'm in an air cast for at least 4 weeks and stuck walking around on crutches. So it seems that being lazy wouldn't have been such a bad idea.

If you've ever had to walk with crutches you know how much of a pain in the ass it is. It's hard getting to the bathroom let alone the grocery store. I've got a feeling that after 4 weeks my right calf will be a toothpick but my upper body will be rock solid. I'll look like Joe from Family Guy (without the wheels).

Not only is walking with crutches a pain in the ass, but people are rude and inconsiderate. I want to make it clear that this doesn't apply to all people. My friends and colleagues have been amazing in getting me where I need to go, helping me get groceries, and most importantly, delivering beer. But the general public completely blocks you out; no holding doors, no stepping aside to let you through; expecting you to get out of the way quickly. It amazes me. I know it shouldn't, given my past post on how stupid the world is. I just though that people, although being stupid, were at least considerate.

Anyway, I've got a week in walking with crutches and 3 more to go. It's no so bad now. I even crutched my way to a salon (shut up) to get a head and neck massage (I said shut up) and a haircut. On my way home I stopped for some organic veggies (btw, you should read Rachelle's blog, she's had some posts about local organic stuff in Ottawa and Dawn's blog, about local food with a focus on preserving) and it wasn't so bad. I was a sweaty mess, but still, it is possible to be normal-ish on crutches (next week the pub).

If that were the only thing that happened this week this post would be a bit of a call to 9-wah-wah. Nope, that is not all. I was lying down (which I do a lot now) watching old episodes of Lost waiting for my laundry to dry and I heard an accident; screeching tires and metal hitting metal. "That was close to here" I thought and milliseconds later I hear a loud bang. "That was really close" I thought.

So I grab my crutches and hobble over to the kitchen to check outside. My kitchen door is wide open. There is red brick dust all over the floor and even some pieces of brick. My front step is full of bricks. Then I notice a woman standing in my driveway on the cell phone saying "there's been an accident, the car is on fire".

It hit me immediately. The car hit my house. I'm gimpy and there's nothing I can do. I call my buddy Ryan to come by in case I have to split (gas line, power, etc.). He shows up not long after and, in true Mesheau fashion, is amazed/delighted by what he is seeing. Luckily, nobody was hurt, though there may or may not be a missing cat.

From what the police could put together, a red car hit a white Honda Civic on O'Connor and Lewis (I live here, at 438 Lewis Street). The air bags in the Civic deployed and the driver likely stepped on the gas instead of the brake. He clipped a stop sign (here's a new, temporary sign),

went through the fence (see above and below),

bounced off the corner near my entrance,

down the lane way, and into a concrete wall.

I think it's neat now, but it was dangerous. Had I been outside BBQ-ing, smoking or walking down the lane to get my laundry I'd be either dead or seriously injured. It'd be hard to jump out of the way on one leg.

Crazy week. But it could be worse. My friend lost his job and my cousins have swine flu. Perspective is everything huh?

Defending the HST

2009-10-15T16:27:00.008-04:00

So a lot of people out there are telling you that the Ontario and BC governments are raising your taxes. How you ask? The HST they tell you. Your (un)friendly neighbourhood curmudgeon is here to tell you otherwise. The HST will save businesses money. The HST will increase investment in Ontario and BC. The HST should drive consumer prices down overall.

First, a bit of a history lesson. The Ontario and BC governments announced plans to harmonize their provincial sales taxes with the federal goods and services tax to create a combined tax; the harmonized sales tax (HST). Everyone panicked and got all up in arms thinking the price of goods and services in Ontario and BC will go up. These people are ignoring the fact that harmonization already happened in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and Labrador, and Quebec. And the overall consumer prices in those provinces are no worse off than they were before. A study by Michael Smart for the CD Howe Institute suggests otherwise; consumer prices fell. But most people west of Quebec fail to recognize there is anything east of Ottawa and began to create anxiety with wild stories of tax hikes and Armageddon.

The truth is the HST is going to be good for all of you. First, the cost of doing business in Ontario and British Columbia is going way down. Business owners currently pay 8% PST in Ontario and 7% PST in BC on items consumed in operating their business; generally anything that is not directly resold or further processed or manufactured. That 8% and 7% is not currently recoverable. Post harmonization, the PST going away and is being replaced, for the most part, by the fully recoverable HST. Most businesses will pay a combined 13% or 12% and will be entitled to an equal and offsetting credit. That means there will no longer be any unrecoverable sales taxes payable by businesses. So, businesses save money.

The tax savings realized by business will lead to more investment. With more money in hand, businesses will be able to invest more in new technology and new people. We will all benefit. It's the trickle down effect, the money businesses save and invest lead to more money for other businesses and that trickles down to me and you (hopefully more to me).

It is true that consumers will initially pay more direct sales tax than we currently do as things like houses and services are subject to tax at 13% in Ontario or 12% in BC rather than the current 5% GST rate. However, those houses and services have an indirect tax component (the 8% PST in Ontario and the 7% in BC) that we currently don't see, so the true tax increase is probably more like 2% (based on a study performed a long time ago in NFLD that I cannot share with you). That indirect tax is removed and, provided vendors pass those savings along, the true impact won't be that bad.

Now there are problems, of course, like charities, colleges, universities, hospitals, etc. will pay more taxes and they generally don't recover the HST they pay in the same way as ordinary businesses. I've studied the impact on a few of these organizations and found that, due to a gracious HST rebate mechanism, they will in fact be better off. This may not be true for all, granted, but I assume that the Province will provide additional funding for those organizations that it is required to fund.

I haven't gone into hardly any detail here (BTW, this is my area of expertise), but I hope to make two points to all of you. 1) it's all going to be OK, in fact, it will probably be better after the first few years; and 2) if you run a business, pass those Ontario PST savings along. This is crucial to all of us.

One final point on whether or not the HST is a tax hike. Ontario and BC are losing their PSTs; the HST is a federal tax. While there is a complicated formula that creates a transfer payment from Canada to Ontario and BC, the truth is, harmonization will result in Ontario and BC collecting less tax, even with the transfer payment. This is not a tax hike folks, it is a reduction in overall taxes collected. Look it up, it's in the Ontario budget papers. The reason to harmonize it is to increase investment in the provinces and make the provinces more competitive in the global marketplace.

Now, sit back and relax. It's going to be OK. The world didn't end in the Atlantic Provinces and Quebec and it's not going to end in Ontario and BC.

Three Jerks on the Radio

2009-10-07T16:53:00.006-04:00

I voiced my distaste for the Team 1200's morning show personalities in a recent post. My overall gripe is that on a morning sports radio show the hosts rarely talk about sports. Secondary to this is that they biased to the point that they don't even discuss other games. In fact, they rarely, if ever, talk about baseball, football or any sport without an Ottawa connection. Finally, they aren't funny at all. If they were funny I could probably live with the lack of sports content.

On Wednesday October 7th I conducted a bit of an experiment. I decided to track the content of the show to see if it was just me getting my hate on or if the jerks really ignore the sports content in their morning sports show.

Before I get into the details I should briefly touch on the general format during my listening time (7 am to 7:45 and 8:30 am to 8:50 am). The show has a 1 to 3 minute sports update every 20 minutes by someone other than the jerks. Pretty standard sports radio fare. So 3 to 9 minutes of every hour has guaranteed sports content. There are traffic and weather updates as well. Finally, there is a contest every day called the Dirty Dozen at around 7:30. Callers are asked 12 questions and if they get at least 6 right they win. If they don't they have to recite some stupid "I am not a man" speech.

For purposes of this experiment I've restricted my notes on the content to the discussion by the jerks. I'm ignoring the 20/20 update and the traffic and weather. The jerks get a point for every segment that involves sports and lose a point for every segment that doesn't. You'd expect the score to be above zero. Anything below zero is a fail.

Today the first words I heard from the jerks were a discussion of David Letterman's apology to his wife followed by the attractiveness, or lack thereof, of said wife. Score - 1 for the jerks.

Next up was some praise for their Swedish God's goal against a guy in his first ever NHL game (a goal he should score). Score back to even.

This was followed by an interview with Cyril Leeder, president of the Sens that began with a chat about Homer Simpson. They played the Simpsons "na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na leader" (think Batman) clip as the intro which brought Homer about. I'll be generous and give the jerks another point since Mr. Leeder has a sports connection.

The interview with Cyril Leeder continued with a request to bring back the ice girls that shovel the snow during breaks in the game. I already gave you a point for the interview, but I'm taking one away now because the request lead directly to a conversation about whether or not a girl wearing a hockey helmet was sexy. They then try to make a joke about needing to wear a helmet while ploughing (their word, not mine) your wife. Not funny at all. Score back to zero.

The Dirty Dozen was up next with the categories being New York Islanders dynasty, sports siblings and the Rideau Canal. 2 points for the jerks and 1 against since there was no sports connection to the canal questions. The jerks are above water.

At this point I went to the office to grab some supplies and came directly home to jump in the car and drive about 25 minutes west of my home. A perfect opportunity to continue the experiment. This particular portion of their show included chats about:

Boston Candy (-1);
teen drinking (-1);
smashing cars (-1);
hat trick trivia (+1);
travelling to Jamaica (-1);
starvation insurance (-1);
fighting in hockey (+1);
leafs suck (+1);
Brittania drive-in (-1); and
Letterman's wife again (-1).

You should double check my math, but the total score I have is -3. I can live with some non-sports banter from time to time, but this is an average day with more non-sports chat than sports chat, not to mention no discussion of:

the huge playoff game between the Tigers and Twins to decide who gets to make the ALDS (the Twins won in extra innings);
out of town hockey games, like the exhilarating Flyers v Caps game; or
any other actual game that happened the night before or upcoming Wednesday night other than the Sens beating the Leafs.

You'd think in a city of 1,000,000 people you could find 3 interesting people, with good voices, that have sports knowledge and a bit of charm.

If you want to hear real sports radio, check out the Team 990. Sure, they talk about the Habs a lot but they also understand that there are other teams in the NHL and other sports that people are interested in hearing about.

Office Hovering

2009-10-06T23:01:00.001-04:00

Hey Office Hoverer. You know who you are. You stand by the door hovering while I have a conversation with my colleague. You have something to say to one of us and it must be important because you just stand there waiting while we talk about whatever subject we are talking about. I assume if it wasn't important and timely you'd just go back to your desk and check in later. But you don't, you stick around, hovering. But if it's so important and timely, then why don't you interrupt us and say whatever it is you have to say. It'd be way better than having you hover there.

You Can't Buy "Being Green"

2009-10-04T20:22:00.010-04:00

I wake up to the radio every morning. It annoys me and I'm not sure why I do it. I suppose I should just use an alarm sound, a CD, an MP3, or anything other than those 3 jerks on the Team 1200 who never talk about sports unless it's about the Swedish God Daniel Alfredsson. But my rant today isn't aimed at the Three Jerks on the Radio. No, today I've got a gripe with a particular advertisement that I hear every morning.

The ad is for a hot tub and the selling point is that this particular brand of hot tub is "green". I'm not going to name the company because they shouldn't get any free air. But I just don't see how buying a hot tub could ever be considered being green. If you buy a hot tub you are going to be using more water and energy than you currently use. Being green means consuming less energy and less water than you currently do. In fact, you should consume as little as possible. Being green does not mean buying a product that consumes less energy and water than its counterparts, especially when that particular product is one that you can live without.

Jerks.

Stomach Punch from Captain America

2009-09-15T11:40:00.008-04:00

I didn't expect much of the Buffalo Bills this season until midway through last night's game against the hated Captain America and the New England Patriots. The Bills were ahead 14-10 after an interception by Aaron Schoebel. I began to think that win or lose this could be a decent season for the Bills. I also began to think the football Gods would not allow the Pats to win after arrogantly going for it on 4th and 1 at mid field then in Buffalo territory in the first half when conventional wisdom is to punt or take the 3 points.

Fast forward to 5:23 minutes left in the game after the Bills scored again to put them up 24-13 my pal Dino says "there's a scary amount of time left for Brady". It was the one thing I was thinking but didn't want to hear. People remember Buffalo's implosion last year and their previous poor seasons. What they don't remember is they tend to get ahead early then find a way to lose the game. So, knowing Buffalo's history and Captain America's mythical "win the game in dramatic fashion" history, I was sort of ready, or so I thought. I prepared as much as I could for the defeat but when it's Tom f'n Brady and the Pats it hurts no matter how prepared you are.

So the inevitable begins. Captain America leads his team on an 11 play drive to score a touchdown. The Pats go for 2 points, but the pass is intercepted. Maybe, just maybe, the football Gods are mad at the Pats. Then the Pats kick the ball off. Leodis McKelvin catches the ball in the endzone and rather than take a knee, he runs up the middle of the field and proceeds to fumble the ball at the Buffalo 31 yard line. The football Gods wanted you to take the knee, start at the 20 yard line and eat the clock. How freaking hard is that? So the Pats have great field position and the comeback continues.

The Pats went on to win 25-24. Now I like to think I'm ready for the season. A season probably better than most expect but a season with tough losses that the Bills should have hung on to win. I feel like a pugilist using a medicine ball on my gut to toughen it up for stomach punch after stomach punch. I'm ready. Then I remember a Mike Tyson quote. "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face".

Halifax Trip

2009-09-14T18:03:00.006-04:00

I've been really bad at posting lately. I'd like to say it's because I'm busy, but that'd be a lie. I just haven't been annoyed that much recently. Sure there are a few things here and there, but nothing that makes me want to go off on somebody or something. I am working on a continuing series of rants and I have the ideas in my head, I'm just having a hard time putting pen to paper.

Anyway, enough with the excuses. This post has a very small curmudgeon quotient but I had to share a few things with you from my trip to Halifax this weekend. It was my cousin Dr. DJ AA's stag party. We went fishing, played poker and drank copious amounts of ~~Propeller~~ Pumphouse SOB (highly recommended). I have nothing bad to say about the event at all, though losing to SOB Dr. DJ AA with A-A-6-6-J to A-A-6-6-K spoiled the night until the next shot of Occidental.

What I want to share with you is two of the craziest things I've ever seen at an airport and a warning about travelling. Dr. DJ AA ~~(it may in fact be DJ Dr. AA, I'll have to ask him)~~ was dropping me off at 10:30 am in the morning. I opened the door and got out of the Caravan ~~(or Voyager, again I'll have to ask)~~ and see a man standing just beside the van with his back to the airport wall. He looks like any other business traveller in Halifax; khaki pants, dress shirt, windbreaker coat folded over his arm, and luggage. Just as I step onto the pavement and am about to turn around to open the back door of the van I hear that distinctive psst sound of a beer cap twisting off a bottle. Then this typical business man begins to down a full bottle of Moosehead (green). I immediately hear Dr. DJ AA begin to laugh and I say "did you just see that" and he says "yep." Crazy. I can't believe I saw that. I realize it's not that hard to believe, but if you had seen it and just realized how business like this guys looked, you wouldn't believe it either. He was all business about getting that ~~St.~~ Saint John brewed lager into him too.

So I'm in the Halifax airport waiting in the security line and about to send a message about this crazy thing I saw when I see another crazy thing. I see a woman, likely in her 50s, walking to the security check. She looks like a business traveller as well. I notice she is pulling her wheeled luggage and see something sparkle. I check out the luggage and the thing has chrome wheels. I'm talking Xzibit pimp my ride chrome wheels. The chorus of "One of these things is not like the other" immediately chimes in my head.

Now for your travel advisory warning. You know when you are leaving a hotel room and you get that feeling that you left something behind. Do not just think "ah, it's nothing, if I did it's likely toothpaste." It could be your Ipod. You could have to call the hotel and arrange for someone to pick it up and send it back to you. You could have to pay what I like to call "the dumb-ass tax."

I hope your weekend was as good as mine.

Ottawa Does it Again

2009-09-09T20:54:00.003-04:00

Since I moved into my new apartment in June of 2008, summer's have been a mess. The city of Ottawa has been renovating Bank Street, tearing out the old street, fixing whatever is wrong underneath and then repaving. It's created a mess of dust and a foul stench during the hot days of summer.

This summer the city added a new wrinkle. You can no longer access Bank street from Lewis because Lewis is a one way street. To allow those folks who can only leave their houses from Lewis to legally drive to the next intersection the city temporarily made Lewis a two way street. It's a bit of an annoyance since the street is not built for two way traffic, but there isn't really a ton of traffic on the street and I walk or bike most places anyhow.

Today I read this article in the Ottawa Citizen. The city is fining people who park on Lewis facing west, which is the ordinary direction traffic flows when the street is a one way street. People are steaming and I don't blame them.

I'm going to sound like I'm mimicking the article's author, but that's because I fully agree with Hugh. Because of the reconstruction project Bank street businesses are hurting. If you fine people who decide to deal with the annoyance of walking down a dirt sidewalk to shop at the Herb and Spice store or grab a pint at the James Street Pub for facing the wrong direction in a parking spot, a wrong direction that is ordinarily the right direction, you are going to make people think twice about heading to Bank street. It's already a mess and a pain in the ass to navigate around. Adding a $35 fine is just the cherry on top.

I've had issues with Ottawa parking police in the past. I've fought every ticket and won each fight. I think it's because they are generally over-agressive. But this story just takes the cake.

Great job Ottawa. Way to help out the Bank street businesses.

My Love/Hate Relationship

2009-09-07T10:51:00.003-04:00

In case you hadn't already figured it out, I'm a Habs fan. It's kinda weird, because I love the team, but I hate Habs fans. They're obnoxious, rude,they love to hate their team, they'll turn on their own in an instant and turn on you as a non-fan even quicker. And now, some douche has sunk to a new low. Check out this post. The guy is blaming players for shit that hasn't even happened yet. He's expecting a bad season and pinning the blame before the pre-season even starts.

I'd almost rather be a fan of the Leafs who think anyone with a leaf on their jersey is the greatest player in the world and they always have a chance to win the cup. Ignorance is bliss they say.

Easy Target

2009-08-25T22:52:00.001-04:00

These were the top two headlines for the Report on Business Section on the front page of theglobeandmail.com when I checked in after lunch on Tuesday:

BMO profit rises to $557-million; and

Number of EI recipients rises in June.

BMO's profits are up 6.9% from a year ago and have more than recovered from a drop that began in the fall. In contrast, there has been a 73% increase in EI recipients over the past year, the largest annual gain since the early 1980s.

Thank God the banks are doing well. I was really worried about them.

I know banks are easy targets and the goal in a capitalist society is to increase profits, but to see bank profits rise while more people are on pogie really irks me. Especially given the ridiculous fees banks charge their customers for the right to access their own money. There was a time when banks earned money by lending the money you kept in your account with them. Their profits were based on interest rates. Now banks make money charging you $10 a month for an account plus $1.50 per transaction at ABMs, Interact machines, etc. and even more if you go to the wrong bank.

They used to say there are two guarantees in life; death and taxes. I submit there are three; death, taxes and banks making money.

Whatever Happened to Customer Service?

2009-08-23T18:00:00.005-04:00

I've spent the past week plus trying to get my wireless smart phone up and running. Most of the trouble I've had can be traced to my service provider. I won't name them, but they provide me with my cable, Internet and wireless service. The astute among you will be able to figure it out.

The story begins on July 25, 2008, the day my cell phone stopped working. I had a Motorola Razor and I was quite happy with it. But all of a sudden, the screen stopped working. It just stayed black. While I could still use the phone to call people, I had no idea how to call people since most of my contact list is not committed to memory. So I had to replace the phone.

This all happened at the time when the IPhone was released so I thought I'd try my hand at one of those spiffy devices. My friend had one and I liked it a lot. I was due for an upgrade through my service provider and asked about the potential of getting the IPhone and the right to pay my service provider an extra $30 per month for a data plan.

"You're on the corporate plan." says the service rep.

"Oh yea," I say, "well I don't work for that employer any more, but whatever."

"Well," says the rep "because you are on the corporate plan you can't get the IPhone for the stated price. You have to pay $699."

"Then take me off the corporate plan." I say.

"Well, then it's like you are starting a new plan and aren't eligible for an upgrade and you'd still have to pay $699." says the rep.

"What?" I ask. "You mean that some homeless guy off the street can get the IPhone for $199 or whatever and I can't?"

"Um, yea."

At this point I'm getting frustrated. "What is the benefit of the corporate plan?" I ask.

"You get a better voice plan." says the rep.

I settle for another Razor. It had treated me well and I wasn't in the mood to fight with some guy that had little power or desire to help me anyhow. The phone cost me $20 and a 3 year commitment. Fast forward 1 year plus 1 week or so later and my Razor dies again. Same problem.

"I'm going to the service provider today and they are giving me a free phone and they are not making me sign an extended contract." I proudly proclaimed to my colleague. So I traipse down to my service providers' nearest location and ask for a free phone. Of course I get a lot of resistance, even though I've been a customer for 10 years and pay them more than $200 a month. After much back and forth I learn that they can do nothing for me unless I sign up for another 3 year plan. I can get a free phone if I want.

"But the phone is only a year old." I complain.

"Yea, but the warranty expired last week." is the response. At this point that I'm upset, but I can see there is no sense in arguing with this guy. Again, he has no power and he doesn't care. He's more interested in the girls walking down the street that he can see through the window. So, I settle for a free phone with the shortest contract commitment possible (which also happened to be the longest; 3 years).

I had the phone about 18 hours when I decided it was not the phone for me. I don't have a land line and since I use it all the time, I figured I should like my phone a lot. I convinced myself it was time to upgrade to a smart phone. So I go back to the service provider to see if the IPhone deals are any better for me since they have a $99 price point now. I knew I would get the same story, because I'm still on the corporate plan, but didn't see any harm in trying. So, I ask if I get can the IPhone for $99.

"Of course." replies the rep. "You should too. You'll love it." So he starts the process of setting me up on the IPhone. He's going through the system, typing away and asking me questions. I'm starting to think this is going to work. All of a sudden he makes a funny sound like he's not sure what's going on.

"Oh" he says, "you're on the corporate plan." He then explains that the cost 0f the IPhone for me is now $400 (a nice drop from $699). I ask about the Blackberry and they are roughly the same price. Essentially, I have to pay $300 more for an IPhone or $100 more for a Blackberry than somebody they have no history with. I even say this and he doesn't seem to care too much.

I ask again, "what is the benefit of being on this corporate plan?"

"Well, you own the phone." was the response this time. Now I've been a client of this service provider for some time and so is half of Ontario (or more). Everyone that buys a phone and signs up for a contract owns the phone. I explain this and the guy just looks at me like I explained the Pythagorean theorem to him in Mandarin.

"OK, get me off the corporate plan!" I demand.

"Sure." he says. He goes through the motions of taking me off the plan but stops.

"Um, you know the price of the phones won't change for you because we don't have any history of you.". I had heard this the previous year.

"OK, then cancel my plan altogether, I'm going somewhere else." I say thinking I'll trick them into bending over for me and pleasing the customer.

"Sure." he says, "but you'll have to pay us $20 for every month you committed too and didn't honour, about $460."

I'm losing my will to fight at this point.

"Fine." I say, "Keep me on the corporate plan and get me a Blackberry."

I decided to bend over, drop my pants and pay the extra $100 for the Blackberry. I chose the Blackberry because my employer does not support the IPhone and I wouldn't be able to receive work related messages. In retrospect this doesn't seem like the most logical decision making process. Do I really want work related e-mail messages?

"We don't have the model you want in stock today." he says. "But it will be here tomorrow. We'll set you up on a loaner phone and get you into the Blackberry tomorrow night."

I go to my IT department to make sure the model I'm getting is kosher with the network and all that jazz. They tell me I need to make sure I'm on the enterprise data plan and not the Internet data plan. I ask if they will know what I'm referring to and they assure me this happens all the time and my service provider should be well aware of the enterprise data plan.

So I go back to the service provider's location and I tell the rep that I need to be on an enterprise data plan, not the ordinary Internet data plan. I get the same blank look as the night before (remember, Pythagorean + Mandarin = dumb).

"There are two types of plans." I explain. "My employer only supports one. So if I want to get my work e-mail, I need the enterprise plan."

"All of our plans support enterprise." is the response. In fact, the rep went on to say "We're not (insert name of competition here)." He was being very indignant about the competition and bragging about his employer. He could tell I wasn't buying it and apologized. So he signs me up for a data plan.

I go to work the next day and install the necessary software and passwords so I can get my work e-mail linked with the Blackberry but it doesn't work. "You have the Internet data plan." my IT colleague tells me.

"Of course I do." I say. At this point I'm not surprised at all. I call the service provider to have the plan changed. I was on a 750MB a month plan, with no charge for overages for the first two months and an option to upgrade to 6GB per month for $30.

"You can't have the plan you initially purchased on the enterprise package." the service provider tells me. "Your choices are 7MB per month for $40 or 1GB per month for $45." "Also, you need to change your voice plan and addons like voicemail and texting." Essentially, my wireless bill is going up by $50 instead of the estimated $30 because of this corporate plan.

"OK, fine." I say. I'm getting used to being screwed over by now. "But wait, you mean 700MB per month right?"

"No, it is 7MB or 1GB for an extra $5." she says, which leaves me wondering who would get a 7MB data plan.

"OK, gimme the 1GB. And by the way, what is the benefit of this corporate plan again?"

"I don't know." This was the first honest answer I've had from any representative of the service provider.

My phone is working now, but I feel like Jody Foster in The Accused and I'm left with the following questions:

When did big companies stop caring about their customers? I have been a customer of theirs for 10 years and spend over $200 a month and they couldn't give me one damn free phone. I'd have settled for any piece of crap that dials and rings when its called (at first anyway).
Why don't the service reps know what they are talking about? They thought I could get an IPhone at a normal price and couldn't. They didn't know about the enterprise vs Internet data plan issue even after I told them about it.
Why do they offer these special plans that just cost you more money? I save $10 a month on a voice plan but have to pay $15 a month more for data, plus more for texting and voicemail, and $100 more for hardware. Hardly seems like a deal to me.

I've spoken to many friends and colleagues who are having the same issues their service providers. Even the service providers with different names have the same lack of service. Until Canada gets a real competitive market in telecommunications everyone better stock up on KY jelly.

Sometimes I Hate Grand Lake

2009-08-14T07:12:00.003-04:00

Ok, the title isn't entirely true. I love Grand Lake, always. But when I was there last on vacation I saw many things that really grind my gears (technically many things, but one general thing in many forms).

If you've read my blog before you know that I like to think I'm environmentally friendly. Grand Lake is one of those places that make you want to be environmentally friendly. You have a huge beautiful lake, a picturesque back lake, plenty of forest, and even a family of osprey. My girlfriend even saw a deer during one of her bike rides.

I brought my bike with me to Grand Lake to 1) burn off Nana's cookies, cakes and pies and 2) to take in the sights. However I was just a few feet past the camps (their camps in NB, not cottages) and getting into the less populated area of the ride when I saw the first thing that upset me; a Tim Horton's cup. "It's alright", I think. It's just one litterer, or maybe a careless truck driver who's garbage flew out of the truck bed. Then, not even one full pedal of the bike later I see an empty box of Alpine, then a can of Alpine, then a pillow (a pillow!?!), then another Tim Horton's cup. It went on and on and on. The side of the road is littered with litter. It was like watching that episode of Mad Men when they just threw their garbage anywhere while on picnic.

Come on people of Grand Lake. It isn't that hard to find a garbage can. There's one just a few kilometres away in Douglas Harbour. You're ruining what is a beautiful part of the province. In fact, prior to re-branding NB's slogan to "Be...in this place" NB used to be the "Picture Province".

It's no surprise that given this lack of eco-friendliness that the area of the lake that was public (actually privately owned, but generously available for public use) is no longer. The owner decided that they didn't want to put up with the filth that people leave behind (even diapers). It's also no surprise that people ignore the no trespassing signs and continue to use the beach and litter. I implore you NBers and Grand Lakers, stop littering. You're really messing up my bike ride and picture taking. Maybe you think that you alone can't stop garbage from piling up. Well if everyone thought that way we'd end up with a big garbage island somewhere in the Pacific twice the size of Texas. Wait, what? We have one?

What Does It Take to Fire a Guy

2009-08-11T15:35:00.008-04:00

I'm delving into uncharted territory here. I'm going to discuss something I know little about and I'm admitting it.

Alex Rios was claimed off waivers by the Chicago White Sox today essentially taking him off the books of the Blow Jerks and saving them $60 gazillion dollars or something like that.

I'm no fan of the Blow Jerks or boreball but I casually follow it (read I watch the Toronto Sports Network and have to follow it). So this JP Ricciardi guy has been managing the Blow Jerks for some time now and was supposed to bring in moneyball (some sort of state lottery I think). Rather he brought in spend money and drop ball.

According to some blogger on the Toronto Sports Network he wasted money on Frank Thomas, BJ Ryan, AJ Burnett, Vernon Wells, and now is losing Alex "His name is Rios and he dances in the sand" for nothing. How do you lose a player who is under contract for nothing these days? Couldn't they at least have traded him for Ozzie Guillen's goatee or a hat?

Maybe the better question is how is it that Ricciardi still has a job in Toronto?

Don't You Know Who I Am?

2009-08-11T15:08:00.009-04:00

A few months ago a colleague of mine told me two disparate stories of encounters with athletes. The first story involved a couple on vacation at a resort and a wonderful encounter with a super bowl winner. The second involved a couple at a bar in Chicago and an encounter with a dickhead hockey player.

The couple at the resort met a large, long haired man who was nothing but kind. They shared a table, dinner and drinks. The large man and his wife left before the couple. When the couple went to pay for their dinner they found that the large man had paid for them. They asked the server who the man was and the response was Troy Polamalu. They had no idea who he was but had nothing but nice things to say about him.

The next story is of a couple at a bar in Chicago. A young kid is at the bar and asks the couple if they want their picture taken with him. They had no idea who he was and said no. He says "don't you know who I am?" to them. They still say no. He pulls out his blackberry and googles "Patrick Kane". He proceeds to show them a picture of himself and asks "Do you want your picture taken with me now?". No remained the response.

When I first heard these stories I wasn't sure if I should believe them. I believe that Troy Polamalu is an unassuming man and kind (all the interviews I've seen and read support this view). I also believe that certain sports celebrities can be dickheads, so I didn't totally dismiss the Patrick Kane story. But to go as far as taking out your blackberry and googling yourself seemed a bit of a stretch. Then I read this story and I believed every word of the story I heard from my colleague. He even said "Don't you know who I am" to the cabbie!

I've always had a love/hate relationship with sports. I love sports but I generally hate athletes. I hate athletes because I'm not good at sports. But I also hate that they are placed on a pedestal and looked up to from the day they start winning games in high school. They are coddled and given special treatment all of their lives. That's why you get people like Patrick Kane, Donte Stalworth, Kobe Bryant, OJ, Heatley, and others acting the way they do and generally getting away with it. They think they are special because we treat them special. They think they can get away with things because we let them get away with things.

Unfortunately what this does is paint athletes like Troy Polamalu with the same brush as athletes who take what they have for granted. I knew some nice jocks in High School and university. But they were the exception rather than the rule. Most of them were (and likely still are) dickheads like Patrick Kane.

Sometimes I Hate Ottawa

2009-07-23T16:34:00.004-04:00

This city can get me pretty riled up when I think about how stupid it is. Check out this article in the Ottawa Citizen. I'll summarize for the lazy reader:

The city bylaw officers told the owner of a gallery and cafe to remove a small table and two chairs that were on the sidewalk. The owner didn't have a permit to have the table and chairs on the sidewalk.

First, it seems silly that you need a permit for a tiny table and two chairs, but I understand bureaucracy (well, I understand it exists anyway). But in my mind it's really just city authority figures flexing their muscles; city authority figures love to flex their muscles, from parking attendants to city police who really wanted to be in the RCMP but didn't have the grades. They could have left a single table and set of chairs on the sidewalk in the market where 21 year olds frequently vomit from partying too much at 5pm on a Saturday (true story, had to walk around it).

Second, the city of Ottawa's tourism calendar used a photo of the table and chairs sitting on the sidewalk. The city is removing something it uses to promote itself. City to tourists "Come to Ottawa, we have these nice tables outside of our bistros." City to bistro owners "you got a permit for that table? No? Better put that back inside."

This isn't the first time the city made itself look stupid. Just last week KISS were visiting as part of bluesfest. The "acting mayor" (our "elected" mayor is on trial for influence peddling) announced plans to have a Shannon Tweed day in your capital city. Ms. Tweed was Miss Ottawa Valley 1977, so there is a tenuous connection to Bytowne. Well the acting mayor spoke too soon as several councillors objected to Shannon Tweed day feeling she was not worthy because of her, umm, unsavoury acting choices. Nice move boneheads. Did you not realize that Ms. Tweed and her husband star in a reality show? Did you not think for a second that this would be a great hook for an episode? And how did you feel when Oshawa announced they'd roll out the red carpet and proclaim a Shannon Tweed day? Silly I bet.

My final gripe to speak of today (as I have many with this large town we call a city) is with its inhabitants, particularly those that live in the Glebe. The Glebe is a trendyish part of town and happens to be the location of the Lansdowne Park and Frank Clair Stadium. The folks living in the Glebe (we'll call them Glebites) aren't generally fond of the park and the stadium. Well, that's not entirely true, they like the park just fine on Sundays when the farmers market is open. What they don't like is lively crowds at football games or Rolling Stones Concerts.

These Glebites really get my goat. Lansdowne Park has been holding exhibits since 1868. Football (rugby) began being played at Lansdowne in 1878. You've been alive for how long? Didn't it ever occur to you before moving into a house near Lansdowne Park that there may be a crowd from time to time? I mean, it's been there for more than 230 years, there have been crowds there for more than 230 years. Maybe the local farmers weren't as loud as the Stones (we should ask Keith), but I'll bet 230 years ago the farming exhibit and rugby were the only attractions in town and had their fair share of loud and unruly folk.

Ottawa is known to have a bit of an inferiority complex. It thinks other cities like Toronto and Montreal, look down on them. They feel like their not a real city. Well, they do look down on us and we are not a real city and it's all your fault.

Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking

2009-07-21T07:09:00.000-04:00

I've been out of the real world for the past week and a half attending bluesfest. I was alerted to this report by my friend Siobhan. Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan Chase reported huge profits for the past quarter, less than a year after taking US taxpayer dollars to ensure their viability. The bailout numbers are staggering and are even hard to comprehend to someone who deals in 7 to 9 figures every day (not my own):

Goldman Sachs received $13,000,000,000; and
JP Morgan Chase received $25,000,000,000.

Not only did the US government provide the above aid to the financial institutions, they guaranteed the "toxic assets" held by the institutions. The toxic assets are essentially the loans that they, or other banks, made to people who couldn't afford to pay them back for overvalued homes.

Now, just a few short months later, each of the above banks is showing a profit for the last two quarters, as follows;

Goldman Sachs - $1,800,000,000 and $3,440,000,000 for a total of $5,240,000,000; and
JP Morgan Chase - $2,000,000,000 and $2,720,000,000 for a total of $4,720,000,000.

The banks that needed the bailout money so badly to ensure their viability turned a profit in just 8 months, which begs the question "did they really need the money?" Probably not, but the question that is baffling me right now is "where's the outrage?" Aside from some jokes from Letterman, Stewart and the rest of the late night gang, there's little to no reaction from the American public. What gives Yankees? Don't you care about how your government spends your money? Do you even know what's going on or are you too busy watching Lance Armstrong in a race you only care about because Lance Armstrong is in it?

I started this column wanting to complain about the banks in the US for pulling the wool over the eyes of the public and just being the dirty, rotten, filthy, stinking rich pigs they have always been. But now I think the public is dirty, rotten, filthy, stinkingly apathetic and if you keep letting them get away with it then you deserve it.

You Don't Care and You're Lazy

2009-07-19T14:04:00.004-04:00

So I mentioned how Bluesfest won an award for their environmental efforts in a previous blog. It seems like every 20 yards or so there's a trash can/compost bin/plastic, glass and can recycling bin, and the cupsuckers. I don't know the exact figure, but I've never had to walk very far to dispose of my garbage or recycling.

Last night, after the Drive by Truckers, we went to grab a bite to eat and watched the people clear out of Lebreton Flats. After about 20 minutes, the festival grounds were pretty empty and I was amazed at how much trash was on the ground. You could barely take a few steps without hearing a beer cup or beer can crush under your feet. I was further amazed at trash on the ground right beside the trash can/compost bin/plastic, glass and can recycling bin, and the cupsuckers.

Are you that freaking lazy people? The organizers went a long way to place these things just about everywhere and you can't walk a few metres to dispose of your trash?

For shame people. For shame.

You Sold Out! Damn Right We Did.

2009-07-17T07:50:00.002-04:00

We were at the KISS show on Wednesday night and my friend remarked "those guys are nothing but product." I suppose it's true, but they've always been; they had KISS dolls in the 70s, KISS movies, etc. So it got me thinking about sell-outs.

I remember discovering Metallica in the 80s, not discovering them like Dr. Dre discovered Eminem, but hearing them for the first time. I had no idea they even existed. You have to understand living in a small village in New Brunswick does not lend itself to discovering music that isn't on the country or classic rock radio stations or MuchMusic (ah, the Pepsi Power Hour and the New Music). So when I met some headbangers listening to Master of Puppets, I was immediately hooked.

I bought And Justice For All the first day it was released and wore that cassette out. Then Metallica released a video for One (a video?!). I recall my friends at the time immediately calling them sell-outs. "Metallica doesn't need a video" they'd say. I think they feared the mainstream music fans (though Metallica was arguably mainstream for the metal genre at the time) would jump on the band wagon. Not long after Metallica hired Bob Rock (Bob Rock, the guy from the Payollas?!?!) to produce the follow up to And Justice For All, the Black Album (actually, it was untitled, but it was all black save for a bit of lighter black in the shape of a snake). If you were a Metallica fan and didn't believe they sold out with the video for One, you almost certainly believed they did with the release of the Black Album.

Fast forward to today and selling out is de rigeur. Bands sell out all the time. Look at U2, selling ads for not only Apple (the original black Ipod), but now for one of Apple's major competitors Research in Motion (the Blackberry). Kings of Leon sold their song "Molly's Chamber" to Volkswagen. Feist practically made her career selling her song to Apple.

Not only do artists sell themselves for advertising, you get guys like Flavor Flav, Vince Neil, Bret Michaels, Gene Simmons (though he arguably never sold-out since they've always been all about the marketing), Snoop Dogg, and countless others starring in reality shows. The list goes on and on and on and nobody even bats an eye. What the hell happened?

Some may say that bands started selling out when we started stealing music. They stopped making money selling records and were forced to find new revenue streams. So you might think it's our fault at least in part. Screw that, I'm not taking responsibility for some cheesy 80s hair metal singer signing his name to star in "I'm a Celebrity and You Want to Sleep With Me".

The most common definition of selling out is to do something that makes you more successful and more money that you wouldn't ordinarily do. Like Metallica making a video or hiring Bob Rock, like U2 and Feist pimping Ipods, like KISS putting their name on anything that doesn't move. But wait, isn't that the point? Don't bands want to become successful and make money? Aren't bands sell outs the second they decide make a living as a band. It continues on to the point they sign with a major label and it never ends (see KISS and 2, U). While they may be considered "artists", they're still in it for success and money; that's the whole point isn't it?

Even Kurt Cobain, the man who many think killed himself to avoid being the record company's pawn and selling out, was a sell-out from the start. He claims his first concert was a Melvins show when it was Sammy Haggar. He claims he used to live under a bridge, which he didn't. He privately complained about MTV not playing Smells Like Teen Spirit enough while publicly complaining about being a rock star. He carefully cultivated his image, but, from the start, he always wanted to be a rock star. Check out Heavier Than Heaven if you don't believe me. Don't read Come As You Are as fact, Cobain had a hand in writing it. It was used as a vehicle to cultivate his image.

Don't get me wrong, I love Cobain and think the music was great. But he was the same as every other guy or gal in a band; he wanted to succeed and to be a star.

Bands always have been and always will be sell-outs. It's all about the benjamins and at least Puff Daddy had the guts to tell you so.

The National Part Deux (or Shut up and Sing)

2009-07-15T22:49:00.004-04:00

I saw the National again tonight, but this time at Bluesfest. They were much tighter than the first time I saw them earlier this year. The show was great and I really have nothing bad to say about their set or their sound; it was awesome. But two things happened at the show that grinded my gears.

First, there was some bad weather. It rained about 3 songs into the show. It's been raining regularly Bluesfest and we now go prepared with raincoats and umbrellas. So we open said umbrella and apparently obstructed the view of some biatch behind us (you'll see why she's a biatch shortly). I appreciate that an umbrella can obstruct your view. I also appreciate you coming to tell me that the umbrella is obstructing your view in a polite manner rather than poking my girlfriend and saying "Are you serious?!?!There are people behind you!" No shit? There are people behind us at a concert? I had no idea. Whatever happened to politeness? There really is a better way to say that and it's not that hard. It involves a magic word that I'm sure Bert and Ernie taught you once.

The second thing that annoyed me has annoyed me with bands for years. From the Dixie Chicks to U2 and even to Pearl Jam, bands have felt the need to pass their political and social agendas on to their fans during shows. I don't mind if bands are political or work towards raising awareness for a cause or do whatever it is they do. In fact I applaud it. But I don't like it when a band stops playing a third of the way through their less than one hour set, grabs a sheet of paper (you didn't even memorize it?) and wastes five minutes telling me about World Aid. I came to see you sing. Shut up and sing.

Great show though.

Freebird

2009-07-11T11:14:00.003-04:00

I saw Steve Earle last night. I've been wanting to see Steve Earle for about 20 years, since I first heard "Guitar Town". We parted ways sometimes after the release of "The Hard Way", his fourth album. However, I rediscovered him when he released "Jerusalem" and went through his back catalogue to see what I missed. I missed a lot, some of his best work.

It was a great show. Just Steve, an acoustic and a harmonica, though the guitar was replaced by other string instruments from time to time. Steve just released an album called Townes, a tribute, consisting entirely of Townes Van Zandt covers. It's a beautiful album and makes for a beautiful show, soft, quiet and touching.

I hated being at that show last night. Not because of Steve or the music, it was a great show, hitting some classics like "My Old Friend the Blues", my favourite lyrical song of all time "Poncho and Lefty" and some of his renaissance songs like "Jerusalem" and "City of Immigrants". I hated the show because of all you one hit wonder lovers that can't just sit and enjoy a performance. You have to get loaded and yell out your request all night long. Note the singular use of the word request. Every drunk meathead at the Steve Earle show knew one Steve Earle song and felt like they had to yell at him to play it all night. Did you really think he wouldn't play it? Or, an even better question is; if you only wanted to hear one song, why did you even go to the show?

At one point during the show a particularly annoying drunk was yelling the title of the song he (and most other drunks) wanted to hear. Steve says "You better be careful man or you're gonna puke on that girl in front of you. I heard you the first time and I'm either gonna play it or I'm not." In other words, fuck you. That made my night.

Of course he played the song. My girlfriend noted that he didn't seem to enjoy it. I believe her exact words were "he looked like he was a slave to that song." He is. It's a fine song, but he's released 10 albums over the 21 years since that song has been released. It's time to move on.

Bluesfest Day One

2009-07-08T23:47:00.006-04:00

My first band at Bluesfest was the Black Keys, not Flash Lightning as I had initially intended. The rain kept me off my schedule for the first act, but there was no way I was missing the Black Keys.

I arrived before the start of the show and grabbed a spot near the sound tent. This is my favourite spot to see a show. I always figure the best sound is near the sound engineers. The band started and I immediately loved that Bluesfest was back when I felt the beat of the bass drum on my chest.

The start of the show was a half good, half bad. Patrick, the drummer was amazing. The key can really beat the skins (ba dum bum). The singer, I forget his name but he looks like Charlie from Lost (but not Merry from Lord of the Rings), was fiddling around with gear a lot to get the sound of the guitar right. This is an important step for a band like the Black Keys since, like the White Stripes, they are only a two piece band. Also like the White Stripes, they put out a big sound that amazes you they there are only two of them. But after a few songs they had it and were awesome. No complaints here. This was the band I went to see this night and they didn’t disappoint.

I had no idea what I was going to do next. Jeff Beck was playing and I feel like I should like Jeff Beck. I don’t. So we perused the artists playing on other stages; Eric Lindell, John Campbell John, Van Der Graaf Generator, and Sergent Garcia. We hadn’t heard of any of them so decided to choose by best name. So, it was down to Van Der Graaf Generator and Sergent Garcia. Sergent Garcia was playing at the Black Sheep stage, a stage that generally hosts great, eclectic, up and coming bands.

Sergent Garcia was ok. I had fun, but I really wanted to see two other acts; Ibrahim Ferrer and Manu Chao. You see, if Ibrahim Ferrer and Manu Chao had a bunch of kids that formed a band, it would be Sergent Garcia. Not a bad thing per se, but not great either. At one point I said to my girlfriend “I bet they play Guantanamera”. Sure enough, when the string player picked up the Cuban Tres, he began Guantanamera and turned it into a sing along. I suspect Guantanamera is to Cuban bands as Barrett’s Privateers is to Maritime bands. You have to have it on your set list even though you don’t want to (and the crowd usually doesn’t either, unless they’re tourists).

All in all it was a good start to the festival. I’m glad I went and didn’t get wet.

Also, I am very impressed with Bluesfest’s green initiatives. Here’s what the media release:

For the past three years, the Ottawa Bluesfest organization has been recognized by the Recycling Council of Ontario with an Award for Waste Minimization'. The festival is asking all patrons to help make this festival the greenest event in Ontario. The Cisco Ottawa Bluesfest is the use of an innovative recycling receptacle, known as the ClearStream CycleMax. Field studies have proven that the ClearStream is extremely successful in the recovery of recyclable materials and greatly reduces the amount of litter sent to landfill sites. The ClearStream CycleMax utilizes a clear bag that is re-usable. As well, we have a new composting program onsite. Everything from food scraps to serving ware is compostable and can be placed in the new green bins. Please help us divert as much garbage to landfill by composting.

Don't forget to use the very popular and successful Cupsuckers. In conjunction with Molson Canada, Bluesfest continues to utilize compostable beer cups made from corn. Of the more than 200,000 cups that are used, 99% are separately disposed of without harming the environment. Please place your cups in the Cupsuckers located next to each garbage can. Bluesfest organizers will also encourage people to bicycle to the event by providing supervised bike parking.

Kudos to all the Bluesfest organizers on your green initiatives and awards. Shame on all you attendees for not using the cupsuckers, recycle bins, compost bins, and garbage bins.

Bye bye Joe

2009-07-08T08:29:00.004-04:00

This post is a bit of a reversal. I will be praising someone, specifically Joe Sakic. Joe Sakic is one of the greatest hockey players of my lifetime. He doesn't hold the record for most goals, assists, or points (though he is 14th, 8th and 11th respectively), but he was a consummate professional, never once involved in any type of scandal or me first scenario and he played his entire career with the same franchise, the Quebec Nordiques/Colorado Avalanche.

It is a rarity in sports today where you have an athlete spend their entire career with the same team. To me, this says a lot about Joe. Joe chose to be loyal to his team, even through the recent bad years. But if you look at it another way, his team chose to be loyal to him. Why did Joe stay when Forsberg left, Foote left, Tanguay left, etc. To me, this says even more about Joe. Even as his skills were declining (sorry but it's true) the Avs wanted Joe to stay and you never once heard his name in any trade rumours and always sort of knew he'd retire with his team.

So cheers to Joe. We'll miss you, especially this February in Vancouver.

A Note to Sens Fans

2009-07-08T08:17:00.001-04:00

Dear Sens fans,

I've heard a lot of talk over the last couple of days over the signing of enigmatic winger Alexei Kovalev. Mostly fans are taking a wait and see approach, but the comment I hear more often than not is "I hope we get the good Kovalev and not the one that doesn't show up all the time". Newsflash: there is only one Alexei Kovalev. He is good but doesn't show up all the time, or as Kovy puts it, he tries too hard. There aren't two Kovalev's that take turns from game to game.

He'll be great on a line with Spezza. He may score 85 points this season, he may score 55. Either way, he will light it up one game and not show up for 3. But don't think that there's a good twin and a bad twin. There's only one Alexei Kovalev and you have to take the bad with the good.

Look at it this way. You're losing a guy that skates around with his stick in the air half the time (IF he ever accepts a trade) and getting a guy who shows up half the time. At least the new guy's salary is $2.5 million less than the ingrate's.

Bluesfest

2009-07-07T07:04:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is the start of Bluesfest, my favourite time of the year in Ottawa. I’m looking forward to 12 straight days of music. You can check out my itinerary here. It’s optimistic, but I’m hoping to see most of those bands.

Bluesfest has continued to impress me over the years. It first started with the cup suckers (a nifty tube to drop your used beer cups in), then the corn based beer cups and the bike valets. Not to mention the music. I’ve seen some of my favourites, like Wilco, Primus, Snoop, and Manu Chao, and introduced to bands I hadn’t heard at the time, like Gogol Bordello, Broken Social Scene and Metric.

I do however have one gripe with Bluesfest; the chair dwellers. I have no issue with you bringing a chair to an outdoor show, especially one that runs all day Saturday and Sunday. I have an issue with you planting your chair near the stage and sitting during the show. I have an even bigger issue with those of you that get upset with those of us who like to get close and, by virtue of your choice to remain seated, block your seated view. Also, it really crowds the front area when you and your chair take up as much space as two people.

This problem was seemingly solved a few years ago when there was a dedicated section for people with chairs. It looked a bit silly though. It even prompted Jeff Tweedy to joke that he didn’t know most Wilco fans were in wheelchairs. The solution only lasted a year, coincidentally, the last year the festival was on city hall grounds.

So I’m begging you all who attend the festival this year, please, please, please, if you bring a chair, try to find a spot that is not only convenient for you, but that is convenient for those of us who like to get near the stage on our feet.. If you must sit near the front of the stage, then please don’t get upset with people who like to stand near the stage.

Koivu and Kovalev Part Deux

2009-07-06T19:47:00.003-04:00

Today the Ottawa Senators signed Alexei Kovalev, the enigmatic winger who spent the last few seasons in Montreal. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m a fan of the Montreal Canadiens. I was also a fan of Kovy, though he was frustrating to watch. Sens fans should be wary; he has the ability to be a game changer, when he wants to, but he also loses interest for long periods of time. I’m guessing most of you already know that.

This isn’t going to be a rant about Kovy. Rather, this is a rant about Habs fans. I hate most Habs fans. Habs fans are generally an obnoxious lot. Habs fans get out of control, behave inappropriately, are mouthy, and just generally not fun to be around. I can tolerate that and sometimes even participate. What bothers me right now is the lack of respect that Saku Koivu has received.

Over the weekend, there was a rally at the Bell Centre with the intention to sway Bob Gainey to re-sign Kovalev. Obviously it didn’t work. Eric Engels, one of my favourite Hab writers/bloggers said "I'd sooner attend a rally for Koivu". So what I really want to know is “where is the rally is for Saku?”

Kovalev spent 4 ½ seasons in Montreal (5 ½ if you count the lockout) and over that span he was arguably the most skilled forward Montreal had. I'm sad to see him go, but I'm also happy. As mentioned ad nauseum, he didn’t quite give his all every night, and certainly wasn’t the best on both sides of the ice. The $5 million he's getting from Ottawa is better spent elsewhere (though I'm not sure it was spent in the most efficient fashion).

Koivu spent his entire NHL career with Montreal; 13 seasons (14 with the lockout) with little support (see Brian Savage, Sergei Berezin, etc.). He showed up for the Habs every night and lead by example. He was great with and without the puck. He came back from a serious eye injury and a battle with cancer. The man is more courageous that Kovalev could ever be. Koivu could have left as a free agent before and chose to stay. He donated countless dollars to cancer research and equipment in the city. He put up with the media’s lack of respect for him with nothing but respect for them. He never said boo when they complained about him not speaking French or when he had that serious eye injury and the stupid photographers were taking flash photos.

Koivu is a man with courage and class. He will be sadly missed and all you Habs fans showing support for a wasted talent like Kovalev rather than Koivu should be ashamed.

New Look Habs

2009-07-03T13:19:00.003-04:00

I'm still trying to absorb all the changes the Montreal Canadiens have made since June 30th. I'm not sure I'm ready to write this post, but I may not be ready until midway through next season, so here we go.

I want to discuss the UFAs that didn't get signed first. I blogged about it recently and still think Bob Gainey erred by not signing Komisarek prior to the end of the season. It's clear now that Komisarek was the only UFA that Bob was interested in re-signing, though he did make an offer to Kovalev as well. Komisarek signed with the rival Leafs for a total of $2 million more, about $500,000 per season. Team 990, the Montreal sports radio station, is reporting that Komisarek wanted 8 years from Montreal, for less yearly money, but couldn't get it.

I'm not sure who I'm mad at most here. If the reports from Team 990 are true, why wouldn't you sign a stud defenseman to an 8 year deal, especially one that is only 27. Also, I think Gainey likely could have avoided all this by offering Komisarek a contract during the season.

On the other hand, I'm pissed at Komisarek. I understand it's his right as free agent to sign wherever he chooses, but to choose the Leafs is a kick in the gut to us Habs fans. I've heard some interviews with him lately saying he wanted a fresh start and to play in a hockey city. He also said all the right things about Montreal. I want to hate this guy so much, but I can't. He's a good guy and gave up his body every night for the Habs.

I'm torn about this all. I blame Gainey and Komisarek both. This could have been avoided and Komisarek would almost certainly be a captain someday (perhaps he would have been the next captain). It will take some time to figure out how I feel, probably not until the first Leafs - Habs game.

I think the defensive changes are a definite loss for the Habs. Spacek and Gill (I can't believe we have Gill, I hated that guy for so long) will not replace Komisarek and Schneider. I'm not getting any deeper into this. It's a fact that isn't up for discussion, so let's move on to the forwards.

The main UFA forwards, Koivu, Kovalev and Tanguay, that weren't re-signed may have been a purposeful changing of the guard. Saku Koivu has been with the Habs for 13 years. He's been the captain of the franchise for 10. He gave his heart and soul to the team and the city. Saku Koivu's foundation in Montreal helped raise millions of dollars over the years for cancer research and equipment in the city. Regardless of whether you think he should have stayed or gone, you cannot argue with what he gave to the team and the city; everything he had.

Kovalev had to go. I like Kovy more than most. He is probably the most talented stick handler in the league. He's also the most frustrating forward to watch in the league. He'll show up one night and not the next. If he did re-sign, I wouldn't have been upset, but I'm also not upset that he's not coming back.

Finally Tanguay was only here one year and was hurt for a good part of it. I didn't have time to develop an affinity for him so I won't really miss him.

As I've mentioned above, I believe this was a deliberate changing of the guard. For years, there have been rumours of dressing room battles within the Habs. I think Bob saw this as a way to change the culture of the dressing room. With Koivu, Kovy, Komisarek, and Higgins gone, the Habs just lost their captain and 3 people who have worn the A over the past 4 years. Now, we have Gomez, Cammalleri, and Gionta. We still don't know who will be the captain or the assistants, but we are certain the leadership of this team has changed. These guys are hard workers. Gomez and Gionta played for the Devils and should fit nicely into Martin's defensive system.

A lot of bloggers and reporters are saying that the changes at forward is a sideways move; the Habs didn't get better, they just changed three pieces for three equal pieces. I thought I'd look into this and compare the players involved since the lockout season.

First, the centres, Koivu and Gomez:

Koivu
GP	G	A	Pts
72	17	45	62
81	22	53	75
77	16	40	56
65	16	34	50

Gomez
GP	G	A	Pts
82	33	51	84
72	13	47	60
81	16	54	70
77	16	42	58

Gomez clearly has more upside, scoring 84 points the year after the lockout. With the exception of 2006/2007, Gomez has produced more points that Koivu each year. This is a step up. Also, Gomez is younger than Koivu and is being reunited with Gionta, his line mate the year he scored 85 points. I'd say this is an improvement.

You can't discuss the acquisition of Gomez without looking at what was given up, Higgins and McDonagh. Higgins was highly touted, expected to lead the Habs one day in scoring and as a captain or assistant. However, looking at Higgins' production, it didn't look like he was developing into that player. His best year was 2007/2008, scoring 27 goals and 25 assists, for 52 total points. This was also the only year he played a full season. Maybe Higgins will develop into that player someday, but I don't mind Gainey giving up on him, he wasn't getting there and may need a change to be the player he can be (see John LeClair).

Losing McDonagh worries me more. The kid (he's in university) is expected to be a large, stay at home defense man. I saw him play at the World Juniors this year and he is big and good. I suspect he'll be the seen as the steal of the trade when the Rangers look back in a few years.

Next, we'll compare Kovalev and Gionta.

Kovalev
GP	G	A	Pts
69	23	42	65
73	18	29	47
82	35	49	84
78	26	39	65

Gionta
GP	G	A	Pts
82	48	41	89
62	25	20	45
82	22	31	53
81	20	40	60

Looking at the stats, this may be a push. Both had seasons with 80 plus points and seasons with less than 50 points. If you look at the trend, you see that Kovalev's production is getting better, but let's not forget that Gionta is being reunited with Gomez. This should help them both. Also, Kovalev isn't getting any younger. Finally, I doubt that you have to give Gionta a few days off to find himself and start playing like he cares. Even if Kovalev's stats were markedly better than Gionta's, I'd say it's addition by subtraction. I can live with this. I just don't look forward to playing Kovalev in the future.

Finally, let's look at Tanguay and Cammallerri:

Tanguay
GP	G	A	Pts
71	29	49	78
81	22	59	81
78	18	40	58
50	16	25	41

Cammallerri
GP	G	A	Pts
80	26	29	55
81	34	46	80
63	19	28	47
81	39	43	82

I'd say that Cammallerri is the winner here, though it is a tight race. Cammallerri had 2 seasons with 80 or more points; Tanguay only missed it by 2 points in 2005/2006. Cammallerri appears more durable as well, only having one season playing less than 80 games. Tanguay has only played 80 or more games once since the lockout. I'll take Cammallerri's durability and call the point production a push.

So, Montreal may be slightly better offensively but are more durable than in previous years. They are worse off defensively. If Montreal signs another defense man, or one comes up through the system (hi there PK), then maybe we'll be a better team this year. Or, maybe we'll be better just because we've lost a guy who only shows up when he wants to and we get 2 guys who have won 2 cups each with the Devils.

I still don't know how to feel about this. I'm going to miss Koivu and Komisarek. I'll even miss Kovalev's talent. I'm glad I compared the new guys with the old and wrote this entry (though it may be one of my worst posts) to help me figure out how I feel. Too bad it didn't work. Tell me what you think.

Money - A Follow Up

2009-06-29T19:03:00.005-04:00

So a rich man, Donte Stallworth, kills a pedestrian and gets 30 days in jail and a whole bunch of probation. One crime, one victim.

Bernie Madoff steals millions from many and gets 150 years in prison. One crime as well, though I understand there were many charges (one for each victim of his scheme).

This leaves a really sour taste in my mouth. It isn't fair that Madoff gets more jail time than Stallworth. Listen, I think Madoff should be punished, but isn't a crime that results in the death of a person a worse crime than stealing? Shouldn't Stallworth get more jail time for driving drunk and killing a pedestrian than Madoff gets for stealing?

The manhattan judge Chin said he wanted to send a message. The message I'm getting is that stealing money is a worse crime than driving drunk and killing someone.

2009 NHL Entry Draft Diary

2009-06-26T18:50:00.011-04:00

One of my favourite columnists is Bill Simmons. Occasionally, Bill will post a running diary for an event, whether it’s the SuperBowl, the NBA draft or the season finale of Real World. In fact, he did one last night for the NBA draft. I thought I’d pay homage (I think people say homage when they really mean I stole this idea from so and so) to Bill with my running diary of the 2009 NHL Entry Draft, or as they say in Montreal "2009 Repechage". Also, I’ve got nothing better to do tonight and I’ll be watching the draft, so why not?

5:14 – I’m home from work, the draft is 1:46 away and I’m watching Around the Horn. I’m guessing they won’t mention the draft. I am also curious about Garth Snow. Have you seen him on TV this week? The guy is huge. He has broad shoulders which makes me wonder if all that talk about him wearing oversized pads was founded (it probably was). So I’m going to Google Garth Snow.

He’s 6ft 3, 200 lbs, or was during his playing career. So maybe these pads were his size:

Wow, also found this photo:

I’m guessing that’s not Garth’s family. See, it’s not just the young Habs that like to have some fun.

5:17 – I’m starting to re-taste that shawarma. I should have gone to the rib festival instead. The GM ad is on. Does that GM restart, rebuild, we’re all better now annoy anyone else? You know how I feel about the GM thing.

5:20 – Fox Harbour, NS is spectacular, if you can afford the $325/night room plus $225 green fee. You have to be a guest at the resort to golf. It’s not as bad as I thought. Plus, you gotta prop up that economy.

5:28 – The new Cowboys stadium kinda looks like a bike helmet:

5:29 – No NHL draft mention on Around the Horn, let’s see what the PTI guys have to say.

5:50 – An ad for the NHL draft summarizing Vinny Lecavalier’s career just came on. Why are you teasing me? We all know he won’t be a Hab.

5:59 – No NHL draft mention on PTI, a sports talk show, but a 2 minute segment on Michael Jackson. REALLY? And Wilbon chooses to remember him pre 1984. Come on Wilbon. His history is his history. You can’t just separate the good from the bad.

I’m surprised about the lack of NHL content. They chatted about the NHL every night during the playoffs. I thought the league turned a corner with the PTI guys. Oh, they just said, more coming up including the NHL draft, but only the Americans get to see it. Blast! No more updates until the draft starts, unless there’s something important on SportsCentre.

7:00 – TSN’s 2009 NHL Entry Draft coverage begins with everyone asking “who will Garth Snow select first overall?” My money’s on John Tavares. TSN, the Toronto Sports Network has been building this guy up for years (he’s from the greater Bippity area © GValentino). My guess is he’ll be a Jason Spezza type; lots of offensive talent, but mistake prone and a defensive liability.

7:02 – Victor Hedman baby pictures?!?!.

7:04 – First trade of the night? Pronger to the Flyers? He’s just what the Flyers need to get dirtier. TSN is saying it happened, but nothing confirmed yet.

7:13 – Bettman’s on stage with Henri Richard and Cournoyer in an obvious attempt to not get booed. The crowd doesn’t boo, until Bettman speaks, in broken French. Even Helen Keller could speak French better than the Weasel.

7:18 – The New York Islanders select Tavares. Biggest non-surprise of the year. I like that Snow tried to build suspense, but everyone knew they’d pick Tavares (even though Hedman is the better choice). They need a poster boy to get a new arena build and with 10,000 plus fans in Nassau waiting, and wanting Tavares, there was no way he wasn’t going to be their first selection.

Blob Mackenzie is going over Tavares’ OHL stats. I may eat my words about his talent; he broke Gretzky’s record as a 16 year old and is the OHL all time leading goal scorer (though he played 4 years).

7:25 – It’s confirmed, the Flyers send Sbisa, Lupul and 2 first round picks to Anaheim for Pronger. I hate the Flyers. I hate Pronger. I hate them both more now.

7:26 – Brian Lawton (first overall pick in 1983 – I thought it was Yzerman, have to look that up – Stevie Y was 4th) selects Victor Hedman. Another non-surprise…Duchene will go next to the Avs.

Hedman sounds like he’ll be a good D man. 6 foot 6. He was a great player at the World Junior Championships this year and has been playing against men in Sweden for a year already. 7:35 - No more pick-by-pick updates.

I’ll update for trades, Habs picks/news and any other interesting items (like how many times the Toronto Sports Network cuts to Brian Burke (4 and counting).

7:40 – Duchene is from the same city – Haliburton – as Bernie Nicholls. Bernie won’t make the Hall of Fame, but he was a great player. AND Duchene was a hug Avs fan growing up, with signed Sakic and Roy (the greatest goalie ever) jerseys. Good for him. He fist pumped when Hedman went to Tampa, knowing he’d end up an Av.

7:51 – Evander Kane has 7% body fat. I think I ate 7% body fat in the pig’s cheeks we had at Play on Sunday night.

8:02 – Columbus trades its 2 picks for 4 Islander picks. The Isles move up their next two picks up (next being 16th) and the Jackets get 2 extra picks. Smart move by Columbus. According to Brian “great hair” Lawton, picks 5 to 50 are pretty much a coin toss. Must be one of those crazy Dungeon and Dragons coins that have 45 sides.

8:09 – Leafs GM Burke gets booed. Excellent. They select Nazem Kadri, another GTA local, and Pierre McGuire thinks that Bryan Murray, Sens GM, is incensed. Pierre thinks the Sens wanted Kadri.

Holy shit. Burke is wired for TSN. Of course. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore but it’s so blatant that I’m watching the Toronto Sports Network. I wonder if this is on RDS. Yes it is, but not in HD (I hate Rogers cable). But hey, it’s Jacques Demers. My friend dated his daughter, in grade 3.

Kadri’s favourite team used to be the Montreal Canadiens. Now it’s the Leafs (according to Kadri). A true Habs fan would not have put on that Leafs jersey. A true Habs fan would have pulled an Eric Lindros. I think I hate Kadri.

(That last line was obviously a joke, but I have to write a post one day about cheering for a jersey. That’s pretty much what we do. And being friends with me because we cheer for the same jersey. Throw in some Chomsky and drunken talk at Scotiabank Place. BAM! There’s your post.)

8:27 – Speaking of Scotiabank Place, the Sens pick Jared Cowen. The 6 foot 5, 216 pound Jared Cowen. That should fill a part of the void left by Chara’s departure. Some, Chara is 6 foot 9. Murray tells Duthie he can’t see a Heatley trade happening tonight. And I’m telling you, I don’t see a Lecavalier to Montreal trade happening ever.

8:38 – Alright, it’s Friday night. I’m outta here. Check out TSN for more picks. And let me know if Lecavalier ends up in MTL.

Money Can't Buy Happiness But It Can Beat a Murder Charge

2009-06-25T07:48:00.003-04:00

I've always thought that people who say money can't buy happiness never had any money. Sure, it doesn't guarantee that you'll be happy, but it helps you buy bthings that go a long way to helping you be happy. It can also help to get you out of trouble.

Just last week, Donte Stallworth was found guilty of killing a pedestrian while driving drunk in Florida. Murder in my books, but the state of Florida allowed him to plea down to a charge of manslaughter. Donte (he doesn’t deserve the word Mr.) was sentenced to 30 days in jail and 2 years probation. Yes, 30 days in jail.

30.

Days.

One month for taking a life while driving drunk. Do you think if you were found guilty of taking someone’s life while intoxicated that you would only get 30 days in jail? I doubt you would because you don’t have the kind of money or celebrity status that Donte does.

I’m sure Donte didn’t just throw money at the court to make this all go away, but he did throw a lot of money at a defense team and who knows, maybe he threw a lot of money at the victim's family since they factored into Donte's settlement.

The fact that he was even driving drunk in the first place is beyond me. Just that day, Donte received a $4.5 million roster bonus from the Cleveland Browns. If I had $4.5 million I can assure you I wouldn't be driving my own ass around town, especially if I were out celebrating getting a fat pay cheque. I'd hire the biggest, toughest looking personal driver/bouncer around Florida to get me where I want to go and protect me from myself and drunk fans that like to pick fights with athletes.

Donte's not the first rich guy to get away with murder or other heinous crimes, the following is a list, just off the top of my head:

Michael Jackson

Ray Lewis

Ted Kennedy

William Shatner (look it up. Ok, it's a conspiracy, but I had to do it)

I'm sure I'm missing some easy ones, but I'm lazy right now. That doesn't even include the rich folks that we don't know about, CEOs, Princes, diplomats, etc. This seems to be a recurring issue with people with cash. They can pretty much do whatever they want because they can buy their way out of it.

This all reminds me of an episode of South Park where the kids went to visit Magic Johnson. They found that he slept with his bed full of money. Scientists studied this and discovered that money can cure aids, a $180,000 injection of cash could keep the virus at bay. While this is obviously satire, it's not far from the truth. Money can't buy you happiness, but it cure a lot of problems.

In Bob we Trust(?)

2009-06-23T12:50:00.006-04:00

A friend of mine is as big a Habs fan as I know. He entertains me with his Hab puns. For example, he has nicknames for most players, such as Greek Lightning for Tom Kostopoulos and the Tenderness for Guillaum Latendresse. I once lamented Bob Gainey's choice of forcing Guy Carbonneau to start Carey Price so early in the young goaltender's career and my friend said "In Bob we trust". The Canadiens went on to finish first in the eastern conference and made it to the second round of the playoffs. It seemed everything Bob Gainey did worked. In Bob I trusted.

But now, I'm starting to have some doubts. Here's why:

Giving Price the starter's role didn't look like the greatest decision last year.
The Habs were falling in the standings last season and just as they started to turn things around with a few wins, Bob Gainey fires head coach Guy Carbonneau. Bob took over behind the bench and didn't fare much better as the Habs snuck into the playoffs and were swept by the hated Bruins.

Last month Bob hired Jacques Martin as head coach (I've lamented on this already here) and informed the assistant coaches and media that they'll have a full staff in place by June 15th, 2009. Bob has yet to announce the hiring of the full coaching staff, though it has been announced that Roland Melanson, Don Lever, Ron Wilson, and Doug Jarvis will not be returning and that Kirk Muller will remain as an assistant. Bob failed to meet his self-imposed deadline.

The Habs had 10 players due to become unrestricted free agents during the last season and Bob signed a total of 0 to an extension. Bob missed out on signing the potential UFAs during the season.

The Habs had 4 players due to become restricted free agents during the last season and Bob signed a total of 0 to an extension. Bob missed out on signing the potential RFAs during the season.

The Habs still have 10 players that are due to become UFAs and 4 players due to become RFAs with less than a week to go to the beginning of the free agency period. Bob is running out of time to deal with the 14 UFA and RFAs and, according to Pat Hickey, Bob has no plans to sign any UFAs or RFAs until after the draft.

The Habs are heavily rumoured to acquire Vincent Lecavalier in a trade with Tampa Bay, but Bob publicly chastised the Lightning's GM, calling his actions "disgraceful". Bob's comments can't be good for his relationship with Tampa's GM Brian Lawton and his chances of acquiring Lecavalier.

I doubted Bob before and he reaffirmed my trust. He stalked the cupboards full of young talent through the draft, he turned Kovalev's season around at the end of this year and he proved that starting Price early was a good move (2 years ago anyway). I also know that Bob keeps his cards pretty close to the vest, but I'm having a hard time trusting Bob now. Here's hoping that Bob will prove me wrong, but he's got a tough road ahead of him.

It's all Your Fault

2009-06-19T15:17:00.006-04:00

Want to know why we're currently in a recession? Take a look in the mirror, the answer is probably staring you in the face. Now I know that the world economy is way too complex to point the finger at all of you good readers, but there are a few reasons that you should shoulder some of the blame.

First, one of the main reasons for the financial crisis/recession/there will be blood situation that we are currently in is banks lending money to people for houses they couldn't afford. Banks are in the business of lending money and maybe they should have known better than to lend Johnny Poorboy $500,000 when he only makes $50,000 a year. But maybe Johnny Poorboy shouldn't have tried to buy that $500,000 McMansion. Maybe Johnny Poorboy should have settled for a more suitable home for his income, maybe a $200,000 town house or bungalow.

But the banks lent Johnny the money. Johnny couldn't afford the payments. The house isn't worth what the bank though it was and we're all in a mess. Everybody is blaming the banks and while they deserve a lot of the blame, I'm also blaming Johnny Poorboy. He should have chosen a more affordable home, but given the state of the economy at the time, Johnny went out and bought a house beyond his means, which was the way things were done.

We lived through the most prosperous time in, well, ever (note, this is not based on any research, though I do recall reading it in MacLeans at the dentist the other day). During our time of prosperity, we began living high on the hog. Buying $300 blue jeans, $500 ipods, $3,000 TVs, $60,000 cars, $1,000 suits, and who knows how much on shoes that Carrie Bradshaw wore or t-shirts that Johnny Drama wore. Basically, we were accustomed to living beyond our means. Credit was readily available so we used it.

Now, in the current state of affairs, frugal is the new black. Credit is not so readily available. People are finding ways to save money, buying less expensive cuts of meat, taking staycations, shopping at thrift stores, and generally getting a kick out of finding ways to save money. Google "frugal is the new" and you'll find over 1,000,000 hits for ...new black ...new cool ...new chic. What I've been doing all my life is now en vogue. Some people used to call me cheap. My uncle joked that difference between cheap and frugal is that the word cheap is reserved for people you don't like. My definition is that a frugal person will spend money, but spend it wisely, always finding a deal. A cheap person is tight with money. A classic example is tipping. A cheap person is a bad tipper. A frugal person tips well, but doesn't eat out a lot.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that you all have joined my frugal-edge lifestyle. But I believe if you had always been frugal, or at least less spendaholicy, this recession wouldn't be so drastic or last as long. I'm not so arrogant to say that if you all lived like me that we wouldn't be in a recession, but one of the main drivers of the economy is consumer spending. If we spend more, the economy does well. If we spend less the economy does worse. This is well known, and best exemplified after those planes hit those buildings and that often mocked president urged Americans to go shopping to beat the terrorists. It sounded kind of silly, but when you boil it down, it was pretty smart and had its basis in sound economics.

When you were all living high on the hog, consumer spending was beyond what it should have been. It created an economy that was over-inflated. Now that we're all being frugal, the economy is probably somewhere below where it should be and is over-deflated (I may include over-deflated in my Me Fail English post). Had we all exercised a bit of restraint and spent only within our means in the past, we'd have more money saved today to even out the spending through the good and bad times. You wouldn't have to be as frugal as you are today. The economy may not have tanked as much as it did and would likely recover faster since consumer spending wouldn't have taken the drastic drop it did.

Some of you may not have changed your spending habits. Good for you. But this recent Globe and Mail article says otherwise of the general populace. Hoarding cash is not a good way combat the recession.

There are others to blame, like the banks and the press for their "the sky is falling" headlines. There actually was an article in the Globe and Mail saying that the recession would end in a civil war. Great job guys, way to keep consumer confidence high.

My advice to all of you is to be frugal, not only now, but in the future as well when times get better. But my guess is that you are being overly frugal now, spend a bit more today and a bit less when things get better. Smooth out your spending habits. You'll do your savings some good and the economy some good at the same time.

Cyclists and Drivers (a related post by my man G)

2009-06-19T11:17:00.003-04:00

Head on over to GValentino's blog to read a post related to my cycling post from earlier this week. Living in Bippity Town (i.e., Toronto) can only increase the dangers for cyclists.

Here's the link: http://www.gvalentinoisrandom.com/2009/06/love-riding-his-bicycle-loves-riding.html

For Rachelle (or in Defense of me)

2009-06-17T19:01:00.007-04:00

I got an email the other day from my friend Rachelle. It read:

You should blog about bad cyclists!

I could tell she was adamant about it because she used an exclamation point. Rachelle can get excited about things, but I've rarely seen exclamation points in her emails (side note, is it e-mail or email? I like hyphens, but it seems unnecessary).

So I responded with:

I blogged about the ones on the bike path, sort of, in The Most Important Lesson I Ever Learned.

Do you mean the street ones? I’m probably one of them.

She said:

Yes.

Not stopping at red lights
Driving on the sidewalk
Driving the opposite direction on a one way street
Driving the opposite direction on a one way street on the sidewalk or in a bike lane

I hate that

I responded to her that I did all those things so I didn't think I'd blog about it. She said URGH!

So after work tonight, I hopped on my bike, biked the wrong way down a one way street, hopped on the sidewalk for a spell (biking the wrong way), then sped down Bay Street running red lights and stop signs. Then I see this pretty girl with a big red/grey dog wave at me. It was Rachelle. She caught me (though maybe she didn't realize it) in the middle of my biggest streak of running red lights/stop signs. So then I thought maybe I should blog about it.

I get where Rachelle is coming from. The rules of the road should apply to cyclists. Though I have my reasons for breaking the rules.

I only bike the wrong way down certain one way streets; the ones I live on. I live on the corner of two one way streets. So if I want to get to Bank street, I have to go two blocks out of my way to get somewhere that is half a block a way. I think it's OK to bike the wrong way down the street here. Plus, there is very little traffic on my street.

I only bike on sidewalks for my own safety (and ensure the safety of others when I do). For example, when I'm biking down O'Connor (a one way street I bike the proper direction on), there are plenty of cars taking sudden turns, opening doors unexpectedly or blocking your path by inching into a right turn. I like to think I can anticipate what they are going to do (by remembering the world is full of stupid people), so sometimes I hop on to the sidewalk to protect myself, while ensuring I'm not endangering others.

Another time I ride on the sidewalk is when I head to the Ottawa River bike path. I like to ride on the bike paths and sometimes the only way to access them is to ride on the sidewalk for a stretch at first. So I don't see anything wrong with my sidewalk riding.

I also run red lights and stop signs. I do it because I like to ride fast. I think Rachelle may have a point here. I have no reasonable excuse except the Ricky Bobby slogan of "I wanna go fast".

I never bike the wrong way down a bike lane. It annoys me too. I almost hit this guy today riding the wrong way down a bike lane. What ticks me off the most (and I'm guessing Rachelle) is that on the other side of the street or on the next street over there is a bike lane that is heading in the right direction that those people can use.

So Rachelle, it was nice seeing you on my ride today. Sorry I didn't stop to say hi, but I like to ride fast and I was setting a record for fastest speed down Bay street while running all stop signs. I hope you still invite me over to see your new deck.

Surprise! Favre Considers Coming Out of Retirement

2009-06-16T08:04:00.008-04:00

Wow, didn't see that coming (hey, what font do you use for sarcasm?). In an interview with Joe Buck, Brett Favre says he's considering playing again. According to TSN (I think they stole it from Joe) he's had talks with the Minnesota Vikings and he will know in several weeks whether his surgically repaired arm will allow him to come out of retirement.

I have a few quick thoughts on this:

Did this guy even re-retire? I remember the Jets blowing the season. I remember the Jets cutting him. I don't remember a tear stained Brett Favre on a podium talking about how he'll remember all the fond memories (all 16 weeks) of being a Jet. I don't remember Sal Palantonio saying that Brett should be inducted into the Football Hall of Fame as a Jet.
Even if he did re-retire, as the great Jack Russell once sang "my, my, my I'm once bitten twice shy" Brett. I'll believe you are retired when we get through more than one full season with you riding your tractor in your tight little shorts, no shirt and red hat with JP Losman staring on longingly (check out these quotes, scroll about three quarters of the page, JP Losman actually said that. I'm glad he's no longer a Bill).
Is there a way to repair an arm other than surgically? I suppose an orthopedic cast repairs an arm. Is that surgery? If it isn't, I wouldn't tell they guy applying the cast. You never know what he'd do.

So Brett, just go away, or sign with the Vikings. It really doesn't matter. I realize that you want to play football and that's great. And I'm glad you let Joe Buck and Joe Public know your intentions. But I really want all this to go away. It's summer and I want to fall asleep listening to baseball highlights.

Are You Smarter Than Malcolm Gladwell?

2009-06-15T07:09:00.001-04:00

I recently saw Malcolm Gladwell live at the National Arts Centre. We weren't sure what to expect, but when we took our seats you could see two chairs at centre stage. This immediately told me that it would be an interview.

The CEO for The United Way introduced us to Mr. Gladwell and Mark Sutcliffe, an Ottawa Citizen columnist who would be conducting the interview. The interview was fine, the show was fine. It was nothing mind blowing and really nothing new if you've read Mr. Gladwell's books or his articles in the New Yorker (I haven't, but the CBC radio guys love him so much I feel like I have). At the end of the interview, the CEO for The United Way said a few more words. I'm always surprised when CEOs, presidents, and other people of power in organizations cannot speak in public. This guy was horrible. My friend thinks it likely had to do with the fact that he was reading from notes prepared by someone else. I understand that, but still, it was really uncomfortable watching him and took the whole thing off the rails.

The major theme of the interview was a subject that had recently come up in various forms during discussions with some of my friends; innate talent or skill versus hard work. There are varying ways to frame this theme, like street smart versus book smart, left brain versus right brain, etc. The main point that Mr. Gladwell made was that you need two things to succeed and they have little to do with innate ability, skill, or talent. You need to work hard and you need an opportunity or luck.

Mr. Gladwell had numerous examples of this, such as:

Tiger Woods has been golfing since he was 3 and had a dad who loved golf with him and supported him through a love of golf (hard work and opportunity);

Dale Carnegie worked hard and was born in the best time of the world to get rich (1935) through the industrial revolution (hard work and luck); and

Bill Gates worked hard and was born in the best time of the world to get rich in Silicon Valley (hard work and luck).

(A quick aside. Mr. Gladwell doesn't believe in self-made individuals. He thinks that everyone is shaped by their past and their ancestors. He used the extreme example of Jeb Bush. While campaigning in Florida, Jeb Bush positioned himself as the self-made man. The crowd laughed, the son of a former President of the United States is not a self-made man. But, Mr. Gladwell pointed out, the Floridians bought it.)

I agree to an extent with Mr. Gladwell. I've always thought that anyone with a certain degree of aptitude (see below) can learn to do anything they want with enough hard work, practice, study time, etc. I'm good at math, but I'm sure if I studied enough I could excel at physics, computer science, or psychology. I'm not very good at golf, but I'm sure if I practiced everyday that I could become a good golfer.

I think this extends into other areas as well, such as art and creativity. I'm not an artistic type, I'm a math guy (left brain vs. right brain) but I believe that if I studied an art (let's say I wanted to learn about painting) I could learn the history, the techniques, etc. and become a good artist.

For some, the reason they don't excel at school is the way they are taught. They may not be built to learn the same way as their classmates. Mr. Gladwell spoke of how we are all treated the same way in modern society, which seems intrinsically fair, but isn't. I am culturally different than you and may require different treatment, in particular in the way I learn.

This is best illustrated by comparing people that are street smart or book smart. You know the street smart type, they didn't get very good grades in school but they seem to be well versed in life skills. The street smart person can read body language well, is good at spotting scams, may be good at conning people or picking up girls/guys.

On the other end there's the book smart type. This person always had good grades, is good at math, sciences or some other difficult subject, but is naive and easily conned. He or she is not street smart.

Both street smart and book smart people are smart. Also, I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. The difference is the subject matter and perhaps how the knowledge was accumulated. A book smart person can gather the street smart person's knowledge, though it generally doesn't come from a book. The book smart person may have to learn how to gather that knowledge. The street smart person can learn math or physics, they just have to put the time and effort into the learning process or find the right way for them to soak up the information. Reading a book may not be the best method for them to learn.

Where I disagree with Mr. Gladwell is the importance of aptitude or ability. I think you need a certain degree of innate ability or talent to become exceptional. Using Mr. Gladwell's example of Tiger Woods, I'm sure if I golfed everyday since I was 3 that I'd be a much better golfer than I am today (I am not very good). But I don't know that I'd be as good as Tiger Woods.

There are people who are exceptionally built or wired for what they do that allows them to excel in certain endeavours. I remember reading an article about Michael Phelps during the Summer Olympics and a swim expert said something like "if you wanted to build the perfect human to be a swimmer, you'd build Michael Phelps".

While I don't necessarily disagree with Mr. Gladwell's view that hard work can help you succeed, I think he understated the value of aptitude. I think you need some skill to succeed. I previously posted about how the world is full of stupid people. I sort of believe that, but I think maybe the world is full of people that do stupid things. People are generally smarter than they give themselves credit for. If they only put in the effort, they could learn new things or get better at golf. However, there are people who are better equipped to do a certain thing than others. And there are stupid people. I don't think a stupid person can be taught integral calculus. Put simply, stupid people can't become smart with hard work.

Minute Car Wash on Catherine Street

2009-06-13T09:47:00.003-04:00

I hope I don't have to make many posts like this but I am really angry with the Minute Car Wash on Catherine street.

A couple of weeks ago I drove to Vankleek Hill to buy some Beau's beer. A beer broke in my trunk and spilled so I needed to get that cleaned up. I decided to go to the Catherine Street Car Wash, an old school car wash that does shampoos as well.

I was happy with the inside detailing and didn't pay much attention to the outside, it seemed clean. But now, as I driving my car for the first time in about a week, I notice numerous scratches on the trunk, the front of the car, the door, everywhere. These scratches didn't exist before.

Thank you Catherine Street Car Wash, I don't have to worry about the first scratch on my car now (or the first 20).

Carbon Market

2009-06-10T19:08:00.006-04:00

Your governing PC party detailed its carbon market plan on Wednesday. No, not carbonite market, the carbon market. They are trying to show you all that they are concerned about the environment and trying to reduce carbon emissions. Given that the world is full of stupid people, it will probably work.

The following is a summary for those who don't want to read on (I know you don't like politics).

Environment Minister Prentice to voters:

We are placing caps on carbon emissions for all polluters in Canada.

Environment Minister Prentice to polluters:

Don't worry, you can buy your way out of it.

I shouldn't be so critical, but like the polar bear with the big paws, I was born that way. So the plan, as outlined in this Globe and Mail article, is to put a cap on carbon emissions. You can only emit up to a certain upper limit. Great idea by the way, at least 10 years too late (and the Liberals have their share of the blame in that) but great idea. But, if you emit beyond carbon beyond that cap, don't worry about it, you can buy credits on the open market.

How do I buy credits you ask? Easy, somebody is going to be such a good reducer of carbon emissions that they'll be far under the cap, you can buy the surplus from them. And in the event that no polluter has reduced emissions (worst case, but conceivable), there will be carbon projects that you can buy credits from to get you under the cap by offsetting your emissions.

This really ticks me off. Buying credits doesn't reduce a polluter's emissions. Rather, it helps to create projects that offset the emissions. Don't get me wrong, I understand that carbon offsets are a good thing. While they don't reduce emissions, they compensate for the emissions by making reductions somewhere else.

According to Mr. Prentice, the goal is to gradually reduce the ceiling of the cap to control emissions, but what if actual emissions never go down? What if, instead, polluters just buy more and more credits because it's easier and cheaper? Does this really solve the problem?

I know this is a step in the right direction, it just doesn't feel like enough. I'd prefer a hard cap and a mandatory credit system to offset emissions under the cap. But I suppose if I were in power, we'd be faced with a record setting deficit.

The Heat is Off

2009-06-09T20:15:00.010-04:00

Dany Heatley has requested a trade from the Ottawa Senators. TSN is reporting that they have confirmed that Heatley informed the Sens that he wishes to play elsewhere. The reason stated is Heatley's concern regarding the apparent limiting of his ice time and, according to Darren Dreger, a conflict with head coach Cory Clouston.

The Sens traded for Heatley in 2005 after he requested a trade from the Atlanta Thrashers. At the time, Heatley felt there were too many reminders of the tragic event that took teammate Dan Snyder's life. Heatley was welcomed to Ottawa with open arms (with the exception of yours truly), had 2 great seasons with the Sens and was rewarded with a $7.5 million per year, 6 year contract. After a coaching change and his belief that his ice time is limited (Heatley averaged 4th in ice time behind Kuba, Phillips, and Alfredsson), he wants to be moved again.

Go ahead, move the guy. A head coach comes in with a system that produces better results than the last two coaches (based on winning percentage) and turns the team around. Heatley sees his ice time dwindle as a result of the system and starts whining about his ice time. He sounds pretty selfish to me, not the kind of team player you need to win. And who needs a player who skates around with his stick in the air half the time waiting for a pass?

This is probably a good thing for the Sens. They should be able to get a good return for Heatley and the rumours about Spezza being traded should go away. Knowing my luck, Gainey will sell the farm for Heatley.

If It's Not Scottish It's Crap!

2009-06-08T16:53:00.009-04:00

There's been a long fight between Cape Breton's Glenora Distillers and the Scotch Whisky Association. The crux of the fight is the name of Glenora's whisky; Glen Breton. The battle began nine years ago when the Scotch Whisky Association, a representative of Scotch Whisky distillers from Scotland, took action against Glenora for using the term "Glen" in its name. The Association is continuing the battle, asking the Supreme Court of Canada for permission to appeal a lower court ruling in favour of Glenora.

First, some background. Whisky can only be referred to as Scotch whisky if it is distilled in Scotland. This is similar to how only sparkling wine from Champagne in France can be referred to as Champagne. Glenora does not refer to its whisky as Scotch whiskey, they refer to it as a Canadian single malt whisky. But the Association fears that including "Glen" in the name of the whisky will mislead potential international buyers into thinking the Whisky is, in fact, Scotch.

This is stupid on many levels. First, the word "glen" has no direct link to Scotch other than the common, and, to be fair, almost specific practice among Scotch whisky distillers to name their product Glen something; Glenmorangie, Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, Glendronach, etc. But a glen has no specific link to Scotch. A glen is a valley. So why should Scottish distillers have a monopoly on the word "glen"? There are glens all around the world. A quick Wikipedia search will show you glens in New York State, Ireland, Canada, and Australia.

Next, the reason they are objecting makes zero sense to me. Scotch drinkers are notoriously snobby. They are the snobbiest drinkers I know. They generally won't buy a bottle of blended Scotch whisky let alone a bottle of whisky that isn't even Scotch. While this may not be true for all Scotch drinkers (and especially the cheap Mills'), most Scotch drinkers take their whisky very seriously. They know exactly what they are buying before they buy it. They can even tell you the difference in flavour and aroma between two Scotches from different regions. It is very unlikely that they'll mistake a bottle of booze from Cape Breton for a bottle from Scotland.

But to make extra sure that a buyer isn't confused, the label on the bottle specifically identifies the contents as Canadian single malt whisky. Caveat emptor anyone? Buyer beware. If you are stupid enough to think a bottle of whisky from Cape Breton is Scotch, then you deserve to buy the crap. I have yet to try Glen Breton, but I assume it's crap, because it's not Scottish.

Is it misleading to call a Canadian single malt whisky Glen Breton? Well, I suppose if you have no idea about Scotch, you may be mislead, but then again, you probably won't be buying Scotch anyway. So I see no harm whatsoever.

Me Fail English? Quick Follow Up

2009-06-08T08:00:00.007-04:00

There are correct and incorrect ways to pronounce the following words:

aunt;
scallops;
iron; and
tournament.

Aunt is not pronounced in such a way to confuse the word with an insect. It is pronounced the same way as haunt, gaunt, and taunt.

Scallops is pronounced the way Maritime fishermen who gather them for you pronounce it; the same way you pronounce mall, stall or ball.

Iron has 2 syllables. I and ron. My friends say I pronounce it like I Ron, but they're just stupid. It is not I-earn; the O is there for a reason.

Tour. Nament. Tour. Nament. Tour nament. Tournament. Not Ternament.

Me Fail English? That's Unpossible

2009-06-05T15:54:00.008-04:00

I love me my Ralph Wiggum and couldn't wait to use a Wiggism in a post. This post is a bit of an old gripe to those of you who know me. I've even tweeted about it a bit. What grinds my gears today is the misuse of vocabulary in the English language (I'm staying away from grammar since bad grammar is something I will put up with).

There are three general vocabulary mistakes that irk me:

using words that don't exist;
malapropisms; and
10 cent words.

I'm going to go into a bit more detail about each, but I'd also like you to contribute any you've come across by posting a comment. I'll add each to the list below. I've heard so many that I've forgotten many of them.

Words that Don't Exist

This first category is my favourite (if you can have a favourite irk). I have more examples of this error than of the rest. It all started a few years ago when I was chatting with a colleague. Said colleague was partially responsible for reviewing documents prior to sending the documents out to the world. She said:

The quality of the writing here is marginable at best.

I wanted to say to her that the quality would improve if we had people reviewing documents who had more than a marginal understanding of English. Since that day I've had numerous discussions with friends and the practice of using words that do not exist is more common than you think.

The following is a list of real world examples (I've left out George W. Bush, too easy):

I want to politefully tell this person they are wrong.
I ran out of money, subsequentially I could not buy the goods.
Irregardless of the rules, I want to use that word (note, it does show up in dictionaries now, but by sheer force of its use rather than it being a word).
I think Argentinia is going to win the game.
He is supposably the best in the world.

Malapropisms

These ones are fun and probably the most common. Somebody says something that is a word that generally sounds like what they are trying to say but isn't correct. The most common example being "for all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes".
Again, here are some real world example:

The pain is decapitating (this one makes me laugh every time I hear it).
Take a moment to flush out your ideas (should be flesh).
Revert back (to revert is to go back, the use of back is redundant).

10 Cent Words

10 cent words are words that do exist, but the reason for their existence appears solely to annoy me. For example, there is never a situation where you can't substitute the word use for utilize. Why would you ever use utilize? I don't come across these often, but there are two others that I hear almost daily: in respect of and with respect to. Can't we just say of, or about?

Acclimatized (just use acclimated, you're driving AA crazy).

People who use words that don't exist, malapropisms and 10 cent words are probably trying to sound intelligent. Your vocabulary doesn't make you sound more intelligent, your ideas do. But your vocabulary can make you sound stupid.

The Most Important Lesson I've Ever Learned

2009-06-03T18:49:00.005-04:00

It was 1996, I was in my third year of university and MuchMusic was still playing videos (yea kids, MuchMusic used to play music videos, you didn't have to use YouTube). A single from a band called the Refreshments was in heavy rotation. That single, "Banditos", taught me the most important thing I've ever learned: the world is full of stupid people.

For example, it's 19 degrees Celsius, there's a 4 km/h wind, it's a beautiful day for a bike ride. So you hop on your bike and head where? Well to the bike path of course. The bike path is very much like a road or a highway. It is paved, it has a yellow line running down the middle and people always stay on the right hand side of the yellow line. Seems pretty straight forward, just like in a car right? But, the world is full of stupid people. So you see things like man on bike on left side of yellow line heading straight toward you, which in and of itself isn't so bad but man on bike on left side of yellow line is looking backwards talking to his friends while biking forward.

You don't have to be a cyclist (or whatever cyclists call me) to appreciate that the world is full of stupid people. If you have a car, take a drive to your local big box store shopping mall. Drive around in the parking lot using the ordinary rules of the road (signal lights, stay on the right hand side, pedestrians have the right of way, and so on). It won't take you too long to figure out that the world is full of stupid people.

If you don't have a car, head to a shopping mall during a busy time of year, particularly Christmas (yea, Christmas, F You! holiday season). Walk though that crowd long enough and you'll find people stopping mid-stride and causing train wrecks of rushed shoppers. If you're lucky, you'll see a gang of people congregating right at the bottom of an escalator or at the door of an elevator (The Luddite Times has a great elevator suggestion).

Don't think that I'm immune from the stupid virus. I erased my entire hard drive when I tried to reformat a single partition. I didn't read what the screen was telling me and wiped the wrong one. I also didn't pack my trunk properly and busted a tasty bottle of Beaus Beaver River. The world is full of stupid people. I'm sure you all have a few stupid people stories about other people and about yourself.

Why is this lesson so important you ask? The main reason this lesson is so important is that if you ever need to predict the behaviour of a person (whether you are biking and there is a person ahead of you or coming towards you, in a parking lot, walking in a mall, or doing anything else that requires you to predict another's behaviour) you'll be safe to assume that person is stupid and take the appropriate course of action.

Now I'm going to wrap this post up back where I started. I'm not sure if this is ironic or not, I'd ask Alanis Morisette, but she's stupid. The Refreshments went on to record the King of the Hill theme song, an animated tv show about a man and his family dealing with various stupid people in Arlen, Texas (see Gribble, Dale; Platter, Luane; Dauterive, Bill; and Lucky).

Offensive Martin

2009-06-02T08:39:00.008-04:00

Jacques Martin said this at the news conference introducing him as the new head coach of the habs:

I believe in attacking when you have the puck and retrieving it when you don't have it. I certainly don't try to stifle creativity. If you look at the teams I've coached, I've had creative players like Marian Hossa, Daniel Alfredsson and Martin Havlat, and we've been among the highest-scoring teams in the league.

Unfortunately, the Habs do not have an Alfredsson, Havlat, or a Hossa. Noticeably absent in his comment was Yashin. Yashin is a Russian superstar who is amazing to watch, when he shows up. Sound familiar?

Martin to Coach Habs

2009-06-01T18:53:00.007-04:00

Today (June 1, 2009) Jacques Martin became the 8th head coach of the Montreal Canadiens since their last Stanley Cup win in 1992-1993 (if you count Bob Gainey twice). I think Martin is a fine coach, but I don't think he was the best choice.

First, some points in favour of Martin. Martin has a 517-406-119-56 regular season record as a head coach (W-L-T-OL) amassing 1209 points. That translates into a 0.551 point percentage (a measure of total points accumulated over total points possible). It is an impressive regular season record, 72nd all time according to hockey-reference.com and 13th among active coaches who have coached at least 1 full season.

He also has a 38-47 postseason record with a 0.447 winning percentage. That isn't too shabby either, ranking him 93rd all time (hockey-reference.com again) and 13th among active coaches who have coached at least 1 full season as well (weird).

He turned the Ottawa Senators franchise around. Martin brought stability and defensive responsibility to a talented team and took them to the playoffs for the first time in 1996-1997. The Senators would not miss the playoffs again during his tenure (and not until this past season), culminating in a heartbreaking game 7 loss against the Devils in the 2002-2003 Eastern Conference Finals (the Devils would go on to beat the Ducks and win The Cup).

Now some cons. Martin coaches a boring defensive system. The Sens won games under Martin but they weren't exactly exciting to watch (certainly not compared to Bryan Murray's style) playing a trapping style.

While Martin has a decent playoff winning percentage, 5 out of 7 of his visits to the playoffs with the Sens resulted in first round exits (mostly at the hands of the hated Leafs).

Finally, Martin's trapping style seems better suited for the clutch and grab era of the NHL rather than the current young and fast salary cap era.

So who would I choose? I'm glad you asked. Looking at the available coaches, I can come up with a list of 5 that would have been better choices than Martin based on statistics alone (ah, the magic of numbers) plus 1 that is better based on most statistics and is a fan favourite. Some are francophone and some are not. The following is a list of unemployed coaches who have:

coached within the past 5 years;
a better regular season points percentage (Pts%);
a better post season winning percentage (PS%); and
more Stanley Cup wins (and some other relevant info).

Bob Hartley (francophone) 0.579 Pts%, 0.583 PS%, 1 Cup (coached Tanguay).
Mike Keenan (assumed anglophone) 0.551 Pts%, 0.559 PS%, 1 Cup (coached Kovalev).
Peter Laviolette (american, assumed anglophone) 0.562 Pts%, 0.541 PS%, 1 Cup.
Jacques Lemaire (francophone, former Hab) 0.556 Pts%, 0.536 PS%, 1 Cup (legend in MTL).
Marc Crawford (bilingual) 0.555 Pts%, 0.518 PS%, 1 Cup (coached Nords and may have insight into hockey mad MTL media).

I'd also consider Larry Robinson, who has a better PS% than Martin and a cup but a worse Pts %. The fans and media would presumably love him (as they did Carbo at first), I believe he's bilingual, and it has been rumoured that he would be interested in the position.

5 + 1 coaches that I think are better choices than Jacques Martin. Let's take a closer look at each of them.

Hartley and Crawford won because of the team they were coaching (the Avs for the most part) and the best goalie EVER! (yes, the best EVER!). Keenan is a disciplinarian whose time has passed and won because of Messier (See Flames, Calgary). Laviolette may make a fine choice, but he's an anglophone and Pierre Boivin wanted a francophone. That leaves Lemaire, Robinson and Martin. I assume Lemaire is done with coaching. So that leaves Robinson and Martin. (I can't believe I just talked myself into Robinson or Martin, didn't see that coming).

So, is Martin a bad choice? After all that, I suppose not. While Martin's Habs won't be fun to watch, they'll likely win in the regular season. They'll be defensively responsible, they won't lose games because of the system, and he's French, so the media won't have a conniption fit. Let's just hope the Leafs don't scrape into the playoffs.

Who Resuscitated the Electric Car? (or Back to the Future)

2009-05-31T20:20:00.010-04:00

In my last post I made a joke about how I'd rather see the GM bailout money spent; for the invention of technologies seen in Back to the Future Part II. Now GM appears to be reaching into the past to shape it's future with the production of an electric car for the masses, the Chevy Volt.

Kudos to GM for trying to position themselves as the greenest automaker around and investing in new technologies, but they've tried this before and they pulled the plug. In 1996, GM introduced the EV1, the first modern electric car from a major automaker. EV1s were only available in California and Arizona under leases as an engineering and marketing evaluation. The EV1 was discontinued in 1999 and all models were removed from the road by 2003. The reasons for the discontinuation are the subject of the great film Who Killed the Electric Car. In The film sets out numerous conspiracies about why GM discontinued the vehicle.

I'm not going to get into the conspiracies here. It's been done before (and better than I could). My guess is that GM discontinued the vehicle for the same reason that corporations do most anything, profitability. Instead, my issue is why we should believe GM will follow through in the first place.

GM has been down this road before. Had they stuck with the EV1 in 1996 we might have an electric car as a real alternative today. Their electric car line may even be profitable. GM Chairman and CEO Rick Wagoner even admits the worst decision of his tenure at GM was "axing the EV1 electric-car program and not putting the right resources into hybrids. It didn’t affect profitability, but it did affect image."

So what about the Volt? What if the Volt is not profitable? Will GM give up on the technology again? What about governments (US, Canadian, Ontario)? Given their newly acquired stake in GM, how will they react if the Volt is not turning a profit? How should they react? Should they ensure that their investment is profitable? Should they be green friendly and insist that GM continue with the technology?

There are so many questions regarding the future of GM and the electric car. Historians will tell you that looking to the past can help you to predict the future. Take a look back and tell me if you think the future of the Volt looks promising? While I'm glad that GM is investing in new (ahem) technologies, I'm not optimistic given their track record.

(Note, all plug, road, track, and other puns were not intentional, well except the plug pun.)

Bailout Schmailout

2009-05-28T23:58:00.012-04:00

The federal government and government of Ontario announced plans to bailout General Motors yesterday. This isn’t really news, but the structure of it is. The federal and Ontario governments will receive preferred and common shares in a recapitalized GM. Essentially, you, as a taxpayer, are buying GM stock. How do you like them apples? I bet none of you would personally invest money in GM. At least you won’t have to pay any transaction fees.

Ontario Finance Minister Dwight Duncan is optimistic of GM’s future after the company files for bankruptcy. It will be a restructured organization, out from under much of its debt and better prepared for the future. A lean, mean, gas guzzler producing machine.

The future!?!? The future is flying Deloreans that run on banana peels and garbage, clothes that dry themselves, self-extending baseball bats, and floating skateboards, not more Hummers that burn more gas and oil than a 747. Bailing out the auto industry is a complicated issue, more complex than I can handle, but I have a grasp on it. Lots of people work at GM or work for companies that supply parts to GM. These people shop at stores where other people work. If GM fails then jobs are lost, people stop shopping at these stores and more jobs are lost. It’s the trickle down effect. So I can understand why the government would want to keep GM floating; to keep Canadians employed and money flowing. Some jobs may be lost as a result of restructuring, but not all of them.

But I don’t understand why the government wants to keep people employed with GM? I don't care if GM is better equipped to handle the future, I want a Canada that is better equipped to handle the future. Why not invest in other technologies that will create other jobs for the displaced employees? Invest in new technologies. Hell, the nickel used to make the hybrid batteries is mined in Sudbury, why not invest in a hybrid battery plant. Invest in some technology I haven’t heard of, maybe algae batteries or Ipod Thinks (you don’t even have to touch them).

Sure, some jobs will be lost as some displaced workers may not be relocated, but isn’t that the same scenario as above. The result is the same except instead of having people employed at a factory that produces old technologies and cars that are losing market share to foreign vehicles we have people employed in new technology factories, factories that could bring Canada to the forefront of the modern manufacturing world.

But no, the future, according to our leaders, is the same as the past, except now you have a stake in it. I’m going to make a bold prediction about this future. We’ll come out of this recession sometime. And In 10 years or so after that there will be another recession. We’ll come out of that one too and the cycle will continue. That’s the way economies works.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe GM will invest in new technologies and both GM and Canada will be better equipped for the future. But GM had plenty of time to do that before and didn’t until they were forced to react to Toyota and other forward thinking auto makers. Instead they produced gas guzzling SUVs and trucks to keep profits high. Maybe they will, but I’d sooner invest in flying Deloreans that run on banana peels and garbage, clothes that dry themselves, self-extending baseball bats, and floating skateboards.

Update: I just read the paper and the following quote is from the Globe and Mail:

At General Motors of Canada Ltd. alone, the rescue package could amount to a staggering $1.4-million for every job saved, with no guarantee that the bailout will ensure the long-term survival of the company's remaining auto assembly and engine plants.

Update #2: Most of the loan won't be repaid.

Response from GValentino on Steroids

2009-05-28T23:55:00.003-04:00

GValentino posted a reply to my steroids post. Read it and see how he works in Salieri, Bono, and a neighbourhood in Toronto.

Koivu and Kovalev

2009-05-28T23:49:00.005-04:00

A report out of Russia says Montreal has decided to let go of Saku Koivu and make Alex Kovalev the captain.

According to Sovietsky Sport, the Canadiens have told Kovalev he will be awarded the captaincy if he signs a one-year deal worth between $6 million and $7.5 million.

The above has been forwarded to me so much and irked me so much that I had to post something about it.

Do you think Kovalev has played well enough to earn that money?
Do you think a player who shows up to 1 out of every 2 or 3 games should be a captain?
Do you think that a newspaper more than 7000 kms away from Montreal would hear about this before the Montreal media who know what the team is going to do before they do it?
Should this be passed on as "news"?

The answer to all of the above is no. Stupidity at work.

All-Drug Olympics

2009-05-27T22:53:00.011-04:00

There was a skit on SNL in the 80s called “All-Drug Olympics”. Essentially, it was an Olympic competition but all the athletes were using steroids. It was funny. The dead weight lifter was lifting an incredible amount of weight and ripped his arms off in the process

Here’s a transcript:

Dennis Miller: In response to what its sponsors claim is an idea whose time has come, the first All-Drug Olympics opened today in Bogota, Columbia. Athletes are allowed to take any substance whatsoever before, after, and even during the competition. So far, 115 world records have been shattered! We go now to correspondent Kevin Nealon, live in Bogota for the Weightlifting Finals. Kevin?

Kevin Nealon: Dennis, getting ready to lift now is Sergei Akmudov of the Soviet Union. His trainer has told me that he's taken antibolic steroids, Novacaine, Nyquil, Darvon, and some sort of fish paralyzer. Also, I believe he's had a few cocktails within the last hour or so. All of this is, of course, perfectly legal at the All-Drug Olympics, in fact it's encouraged. Akmudov is getting set now, he's going for a cleaning jerk of over 1500 pounds, which would triple the existing world record. That's an awful lot of weight, Dennis, and here he goes.

[ Kevin steps aside to reveal the steroid-bulked athlete bent over to lift the 1500 lbs. weight. Sergei tightens his grip on the barbells and pulls up, but instead of lifting the weights, his arms are pulled off and blood squirts ferociously out of his pulpy stubs.]

Kevin Nealon: Oh! He pulled his arms off! He's pulled his arms off, that's gotta be disappointing to the big Russian! [ Sergei's trainer wraps a towel around him ] You know, you hate to see something like this happen, Dennis! He probably doesn't have that much pain right now, but I think tomorrow he's really gonna feel that, Dennis! Back to you!

Dennis Miller: Thank you, Kevin. Very nice form on the Russian. Canada, of course, is leading that competition.

Funny stuff to a teenage boy. Mostly because of Phil Hartman's role as Sergei. But what was a satirical response to Ben Johnson has become reality.

A Florida man yesterday claimed to have sold steroids to Washington National and Washington Capitals players. A few weeks ago Manny Ramirez was suspended 50 games for violating MLB’s drug policy. Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong, Shawn Merriman, the list of professional athletes using or accused of using performance enhancing drugs goes on and on. We are in the all-drug Olympics era and I don’t care.

We expect our athletes to be superhuman. We expect them to perform at the highest level or higher all the time. So I say let them take performance enhancing drugs. If one person is taking performance enhancing drugs it isn't fair. If everyone is doping then it is.

People point to Barry Bonds’ home run record and say it's tainted. Well it's not. Don’t you think the pitchers were on performance enhancing drugs too? Andy Pettitte was and Roger Clemens probably was. So doesn’t that make the playing field level?

I’m tired of it all and frankly I’m not surprised when new names of athletes using performance enhancing drugs are released. I’m surprised that it’s still news.

Economics, Not Politics

2009-05-27T07:22:00.005-04:00

(This is a teeny bit technical, but not too much. I hope you read on. If you’d rather not, here’s a summary: Harper chose politicking over math. Politicking bad. Math good. Harper sucks. Curmudgeon mad.)

I knew it wouldn’t take long, but I didn’t think it would happen this fast. It only took 2 days for the Harper government to incense me since I started blogging. It is a result of something they did years ago rather than recently, but the results are finally hitting the fan. Yesterday, Finance Minister Jim Flaherty says this year’s budget deficit will balloon beyond $50-billion, the largest since 1992-1993 under the Mulroney (Tory again) government.

A deficit during a recession is expected, and even encouraged, but $50-billion is a large number that didn’t have to be so large. You see, when the Prime Minister Stephen Harper was campaigning, one of the promises (if not THE promise) he made that helped win him the election was the GST rate reduction. He promised to cut the GST rate from 7% to 5% in two phases of 1% each. According to the gst.gc.ca website, the 2% reduction saved Canadians almost $12 billion in 2008.

Take that $12 billion and subtract it from the $50 billion deficit, and you have $38 billion. A deficit that is much easier to swallow and $1 billion below the previous high water mark of $39 billion.

Assuming you are an average Canadian with an average income and average expenditures, Mr. Harper saved you about $363 bucks last year (that's 12 billion divided by 33 million for you mathematically challenged). That’s around $30 a month, $1 a day. Did you notice it?

Even if you are happy about saving $1 a day, I doubt you actually realized that amount because a reduction in the GST rate will only save you money if you spend money. And a lot of the money you spend doesn’t benefit from the rate cut anyhow. Purchases such as basic groceries, rent, mortgage payments (unless your house is new), health care services, educational services, and certain drugs and medical devices are not subject to the GST. So the real savings that make up that $363 average are probably skewed more towards higher income folks who spend more money on things other than staples.

Mr. Harper would have been better off giving us income tax reductions. Without getting to deep into it, a reduction in the income tax rate gives you more money in hand. You can choose to save that money or spend it. A reduction in the GST rate gives you nothing until you spend money you’ve earned. And here’s where the funny math comes in. When most people have more money in their hands, they tend to spend it. So an income tax cut that costs the government $12 billion in direct income tax revenues doesn’t really cost the government $12 billion because that money gets spent. And when people spend extra money that they are not used to having, they don’t generally spend it on staples. They buy tvs, Ipods, Xboxes, jewelry, and other luxury items that are GST taxable. So the decrease in income tax revenues is partially offset by an increase in GST revenues.

Not only is there funny math in support of income tax reductions, you can target the income tax reductions to the people you want to save the most money. You can lower the tax rates for low income people and increase the tax rates for high income people. Take from the rich and give to the poor. But I suspect the rich contribute to the party and the poor don’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad my hair cuts, beer, car, PC, TV, and all those luxury items are less expensive now. But I would have preferred to have the cash in hand and it would have been better for all of us in the long run. Plus, next year in Ontario that 5% is becoming 13% on services, new houses, repairs to real property, and other previously Ontario Retail Sales Tax exempt items. Thank you Mr. Harper and Mr. Flaherty with a special nod to Mr. Dalton and Mr. Duncan.

Mr. Harper chose politics over math. He put a big sign in front of a cash register that showed the rate reduction. It’s visible and easy. 7% to 5%. It’s politically smart. But it’s not economically smart. Income tax reductions are. You may disagree. But you’d be wrong.

Turn Off the Damn Lights

2009-05-25T23:52:00.001-04:00

Just turn them off. It’s not that hard. You’ll save some money on your power bill. You won’t save the world, not alone anyhow, but haven’t you ever heard the axiom “do no harm”?

Why do you need that light on anyway? You’re not even in that room. So people will know you are home? Well, I can sort of understand that, but who drops by without a text, phone call or email anymore? If you must, can you at least use a CFL bulb? You’ll save money and do less harm at the same time.

While you’re at it, turn that TV off. You’re not watching it. Oh, you’re listening to the game? It’s probably on the radio or a station on the internet. Your computer is likely on anyhow, so why not listen to it that way.

And hey, when I see you outside smoking tomorrow, that cigarette butt doesn’t have to be thrown on the ground. There’s an ashtray right there in front of you. It’s tall and silver and has a picture of a cigarette on it. You know the one I’m talking about. Smoke is billowing from it. You can't miss it. Sometimes there’s no ashtray, but I’m pretty sure you can find a garbage can. Step on it, then pick it back up and chuck it in there. It’s not that hard. You may get your hands dirty, but you can wash them. Doorknobs probably have worse things on them anyway.

When you're waiting for your friend at the corner store, turn off the engine. You don't need to let it idle. In fact, some cities will give you a fine. You can still listen to your ipod with the engine battery set to accessory.

Go to city hall or home depot and get a blue and a black box (more if your city accommodates). They're not expensive and it's not that hard to sort your waste into recyclables. In fact, some cities provide them for free.

I’m no tree hugger and I’m not perfect. I don’t protest to be a world saver. I even waste from time to time. In fact, as I type this I’m listening to the Nuggets/Lakers game on TV. But all the lights in my apartment are off. I throw butts on the ground sometimes too, but never when there’s an alternative near and I always try to carry film cases in my pack to put them in when there are no ashtrays or trash cans around. The cases lock in the nasty smell and I can chuck’em when I find a trash can. I just do the little things whenever I can. It may not help, but it sure doesn’t hurt.

The National at Metropolis in Montreal

2009-05-24T22:03:00.000-04:00

The National played at Metropolis in Montreal this past Friday night. I went. I told G that I'd give a review, so here it is. The show was good.

There was an opening act that was a guy playing a huge saxophone that sounded like elephants dying. Baby elephants. I liked it.

The National started off mellow and slow. They lost my attention pretty quickly. As the show progressed, they stepped it up and played with greater intensity. This grabbed my attention and the review in my head went from "these guys are better as dinner music" to "these guys know how to rock and how to create a slow, steady build." Though I think they should make more rock tunes instead of the dinner music stuff.

Now, some complaints. Some people have rules and etiquette they like to adhere to at concerts. I used to think I was one of those people. But as the National lost my attention early on, I started breaking those rules. I was texting people to keep myself entertained. My friends and I were loud during the performance. We were then asked to quiet down by a bystander.

If I were that girl, I probably would have been upset with us too, though I likely wouldn’t have said anything. I’d just stare with that librarian “quiet down” stare. And to her credit, she was kind in making the request. But my initial reaction was annoyance. We were at a rock show. In a bar. In Montreal. At the back of the crowd near the bar. She could move closer to the stage or away from us.

Now I understand that we weren’t being the most considerate people at this show. But even though we were loud, we were not obnoxious. In fact, I think we were fun (though I’m reminded of Homer Simpson’s recollection of his drinking binges being different than the actual events).

Upon reflection, my annoyance turned to confusion. What are the rules of etiquette for a rock show? Should you just be quiet and still while we watch a show and only make noise to applaud between songs? I don’t think so. I’ve seen this at a Sufjan Stevens show, it’s eerie.

So where do you draw the line? Are the rules different for each band? By location (bar vs arena vs concert hall)?

I don’t have all the answers, though I think the girl, Jen was her name, has a better handle on it than I do. Whatever is happening, you are at a rock show to see a performance. Be considerate. But also have fun. Don’t let others spoil it for you. If someone is being too loud, ask them to quiet down as nicely as possible, like Jen. If that someone is you then try to keep it down, but not at the expense of having your own fun.